Sep
Posted on 29th September 2010
Attention People of New York City:
Hi. This is your man Dave Hill again. Does anyone know how you can tell the difference between a poisonous snake and one that it’s not really a big deal if it bites you? Anyway, the reason I write to you today is to remind you that TOMORROW, which is to say Thursday, September 30 at 9:30pm at the venerable Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, I will once again be breaking out my critically acclaimed nightclub act, the Dave Hill Explosion, on the unsuspecting masses (unless, of course, you’ve receieved this e-mail, in which case you know about it). Wow, there really is a lot of swelling. Oh, well- I’m sure everything is fine. I mean, I feel fine mostly, but then there will be this hot flash or something and anyway, yeah, my show, it’s tomorrow night and it will be seriously great, not only because of all the incredible sh*t that I will be breaking out without even trying, but also because I will be joined on stage by the great John Hodgman (The Daily Show, Baby Mama, etc.) and the great rock band Diamondsnake (featuring me, Moby, my sidebitch Phil, and Tomato). In short, this show is likely to be the greatest thing that ever happened in North America. Did you ever have, like, fog, or something start to come in from the corners of your eyes and then everything starts to get blurry and you can’t breath that well? I mean, you can, but it takes sooo much energy, you know? It was a striped snake with greenish eyes. Seemed nice at first but then suddenly mean and then very distant. Anyway, I really hope you can make it to my show tomorrow night. You can get tickets right here. Okay, that about covers it. Should be a fun one tomorrow and I hope to see you there. In the meantime, I’m just going to sit down for a sec just to be safe because Ikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkjjjjj jjjjjjjj####asoidfjijio[u40oinn.m8u[0jklmnj0208)*)*409oiddddddddddddddddddddd((((((((( (((IIIIIUUJHHHHHHHHHH????>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>33443$RRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhckvxz^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^a8v[ureeeeeegi;fffffffffbkpo’afmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm;lklkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Sep
Posted on 26th September 2010
The great Dick Cavett appeared on CNN today talking about “media sanity,” satire, the upcoming Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert rallies and other topics of great importance. Watch it now. Dick Cavett is right about everything.
Sep
Posted on 23rd September 2010
Attention People of New York City:
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that I have finally recovered from a series of botched cosmetic procedures and am finally ready for my public unveiling in the form of taking the stage once again to perform my critically acclaimed nightclub act the Dave Hill Explosion, now in its 29th exhilirating year. As usual, this incredible public display of incredibleness will take place at the Upright Citizens Brigade in the scenic Chelsea neighborhood on Thursday, September 30 at 9:30pm, early enough to get home at a reasonable hour and make snacks yet late enough for swears and partial male nudity. As those of you who have been following my career from the very beginning are well aware, this will mark my first solo public appearance since I spent the second half of the summer in the United Kingdom taking everyone’s money and also having intercourse with the majority of its inhabitants while performing lots and lots of critically acclaimed shows and stuff. And while it’s nice being considered a highly-bangable genius in other countries, it is also nice to be back home where people are used to that sort of thing and let me shop for groceries or pay a visit to the free clinic without hassling me every damn step of the way and putting their hands in my pockets and whatnot. Anyway, I really hope you can come to my show cuz that sh*t is going to be red hot. I am going to breaking out the heat in its various forms as well as unleashing a series of special guests, including but not limited to the great John Hodgman and Diamondsnake (the incredible rock band featuring international music person Moby, my Explosion sidebitch Phil, my friend Tomato, and also me it turns out. Speaking of which, come see us at the Mercury Lounge on Saturday, Oct. 2! We’re so good at rock it’s weird). If you don’t come to this show, you are a dick. Wait, no, that’s too harsh. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s going on with me lately and why I lash out at people without warning like that. Things have been really messed up at home lately, which is strange since I live alone. Anyway, let’s just put this behind us. And please come to my show because you will have a really nice time and also being in the same room with me is sure to enhance your overall bangability, not unlike how the sun fills motherf@#kers up with Vitamin D. You can get get tickets right here.
Love,
Dave Hill
www.davehillonline.com
Sep
Posted on 23rd September 2010
You know how some “artists” are against “selling out” or being involved with corporations on any level whatsoever? Well, I am not one of them. Recently, my incredible rock band Valley Lodge had our popular song “The Door” placed in a commercial for the GMC Sierra, which seems like a seriously good truck as best I can tell. It can pull stuff around and everything. Anyway, this commerical is going to be on television most of the time. We were paid a sum of one million dollars for this and also everyone got a free truck, which is great for driving, moving stuff, and also sex. Anyway, you can watch the commercial above and then also buy our music on iTunes if you believe in art, which you better.
Love,
Dave Hill
Sep
Posted on 22nd September 2010
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that the new episode of my incredible podcast, known in the industry as Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident is up now. This time around I totally hang out with singer/songwriter Lucy Wainwright Roche as she plays a couple songs live in my apartment, talks about her new album “Lucy”, what it’s like to be a part of the Wainwright/Roche folk dynasty, whether or not the Indigo Girls have a large lesbian following, being a celebrity nanny, and much, much more. Listen to it right here. That would be so great.
Love,
Dave Hill
Sep
Posted on 21st September 2010
Hi. Do you like reading and stuff? Oh, great, then you should totally go buy the new book by my friend David Rakoff, which is called Half Empty. I am telling you to buy this book not because I am friend’s with the author but because this book is seriously great and I know because I totally read it. This is David’s third book (Fraud and Don’t Get Too Comfortable came before this one and are also books you should own and cherish). Half Empty is a collection of hilarious, sometimes dark, and always beautiful essays about not looking for the silver lining in things. Rakoff talks about everything from getting the boot from “First Wives Club” to stuff that’s even worse. He is a linguistic acrobat who makes activities other than just sitting there reading his new book seem like bullshit. If you buy this book and don’t love it, you can come find me and kick me in the nuts. Also, if you are in New York City tonight, go to his reading at Barnes and Noble in Union Square. I will totally be there and I will be hammered and making out with all the chix.
Love,
Dave Hill
Sep
Posted on 18th September 2010
Hello. As many of you know, I am one-fourth of the rock assault known as Diamondsnake. We are seriously incredible and a lot of chicks want to bang us, so many in fact that a lot of days it just gets to be too much, especially when trying to run errands or other have basic medical procedures. Anyway, this Saturday, October 2, I will be joining the other men of Diamondsnake (Moby, Phil Costello, and Tomato) for another public display of our extreme rock-n-roll badassery. This shit will be going down at the Mercury Lounge, right here in New York City where I live, which is great for me. We will be joined this night by our good friend and rock comrade Corn Mo, who will be bringing rock heat in its various forms with his band .357 Lover. If you’ve ever wanted to be pummeled in the crotch by hot rock action for an entire evening, this is a pretty good night to do it, because we’re not messing around. I have been practicing scales for like six weeks now and am also dating Kat Von D as a sort of meditation to the rock-n-roll lifestyle so that I might be better prepared to leave it all on the stage at the Diamondsnake show and then refuse to clean it up no matter how politely anyone asks. Also, I think we might be selling T-shirts. Anyway, you and everyone you know should totally come unless you’re some kind of a-hole, in which case, yeah, no thanks (Seriously, though- you seem nice, so you should probably come). You can and should get tickets right here. Stick around for the meet and greet. We’ll totally make out. Kat Von D is cool with it. She knows she can’t have all of me.
Love,
Dave Hill, rock person
Sep
Posted on 15th September 2010
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that a brand new episode of my incredible podcast, Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident is up/out now and available for your ears. You can listen to it right here or by going to iTunes and listening to it and also subscribing to it there. Anyway, this time around, I have a lovely chat with costume and fashion designer Chris March, whom you no doubt remember from the hit television program “Project Runway,” starring Heidi Klum in the role of a lifetime. Brace yourself as Chris and I discuss topics including but not limited to Fashion Week, what Meryl Streep is really like, boy hookers, how to make a hot dog costume, Seal’s donger, old Karl Lagerfeld vs. new Karl Lagerfeld, Tim Gunn’s bitchy side, the future, and why most starlets look like crap at award shows. I hope you enjoy it so much.
Love,
Dave Hill
Sep
Posted on 12th September 2010
Attention Rock People:
Hi. This is your man Dave Hill writing let you know that if you are in the mood to get your ass handed to you by hot rock music, that is so great because my hot rock band Valley Lodge will be bringing the rock heat in its various forms this Wednesday, September 15 at the Rock Shop, an excellent new rock-based venue in the Park Slope region of Brooklyn. We are going to be playing with power pop legendary person Tommy Keene and Dischord Records rock band Title Tracks. In short, it is going to be a hot night of rock. Everyone everywhere is really excited about it. We play at 8pm, a perfectly reasonable time for young and old alike to clap and dance and try to round the bases if everything goes as planned. We will be playing all the hits and also looking incredible in outfits we put together ourselves back at the house. If you want to get a sense of our incredible music beforehand, feel free to go to our Internet website at valleylodgeband.com and sit and listen for as long as it takes. Did I mention that we also recently had songs featured on the popular ABC network television programs “Cougar Town,” the Courtney Cox vehicle, and also “Make It or Break It,” a show I am unfamiliar with but have no doubt is great? We were paid a sum of one million dollars for this, which we spent on balloons and microdermabrasion mostly. Also, when we heard our songs playing in the background on these programs, it gave us a sense of validation in life and also the courage to keep going and make cutting a thing of the past. Anyway, I really hope you can come see us play because we are so good at rocking it’s actually kind of weird. We play for about 45 minutes and then entertain offers of sex from most of the people in attendance. Also, we each get a couple free drink tickets, which only serves to add to all the excitement mentioned in the previous sentence. Sometimes everything just works out I guess. Okay, hope to see you Wednesday.
Love,
Dave Hill, rock person
Sep
Posted on 12th September 2010
Hi. Happy Sunday. As most of you have been following my career from the very beginning are well aware, I now- like most public figures- have a podcast. I am having fun doing it and- as best I can tell- people are having fun listening to it as evidenced by the fact that no one has showed up to my show and stabbed me or anything since I started it. And speaking of fun, the most recent episode of my podcast has inspired not one but two impressive works of art that I am pretty excited about. The first one, above, is by Greg Williams, who makes cool Twitter-based comics, and his son. They took inspiration from the chimp story I read at the beginning. I really love it.
The second drawing is a detail from the journal of Tom Jahnsen, who gets it right about me having suede and/or velvet shoes and also mysteriously showing up to parties. I like how he got my hair right, too. Thanks, Tom! It has been noted.
Love,
Dave Hill
