Nov
Posted on 25th November 2006
I have spent the last few days in my hometown of Cleveland, where I came to celebrate the popular Thanksgiving holiday and see some friends and family and whatnot. Last night, I met a couple friends at the Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland, where Pere Ubu was playing in one room and Blue Cheer were playing in the other. I dig both bands a lot but- since I was seeing folks I hadn’t seen in a while- I have to admit I spent a lot more time talking than I did focusing on the rock.
One act I did give my full attention to was Glenn Schwartz, who was opening up for Blue Cheer. Glenn is an amazing guitar player who chose the Lord and just being, well, sorta nutty in general over rock stardom back in the early ‘70’s. Jimmy Page, Chuck Berry, Eric Clapton, Duane Allman, Carlos Santana, and Jeff Beck have all been fans over the years and Jimi Hendrix even asked him to play at his last birthday party (the one he had before he died). In short, he is a motherf*cker (in a really good way).
I’ve never been a huge fan of blues guitar but Glenn plays it in a way that transcends the genre. One second, he’s whispering through a few licks as if they are taking place in an alternate universe or maybe just inside his head, the next he’s kicking you in the nuts with some full-on shredding. He plays the guitar with his teeth even though he appears to have almost none. He is one crazy badass. I’d seen him play a couple times before a few years ago, but last night’s show reinvigorated my enthusiasm for the man. Hopefully one day he’ll get it together to take the show on the road. Until then, you’re gonna have to road trip it to you Cleveland, which would be worth it. You can find out more about him here.
Nov
Posted on 23rd November 2006
Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you get lots of candy and presents and stuff. Apropos of nothing, above is a picture of Mike Watt and his bandmates Tom Watson and Raul Morales (AKA the Missingmen) rocking Holland that I got in my e-mail today. It’s good to rock and this photo captures it nicely. I’m not sure who took it. Anyway, go eat something.
Nov
Posted on 20th November 2006
My friends Tim and Brian started a T-shirt company called Shelf Life Clothing and you should check that shit out and then go buy some of that shit. They are funny, sporty, and stylish- a combination well-worth your hard-earned dollars. Anyway, check out some of their shirts here. I have the Steroids one and the Shaq one and they have changed my life for the better. Really, I was a bit of a mess before I got those T-shirts. Ask anybody.
Nov
Posted on 20th November 2006
As hinted at in the subject line of this entry, I have left scenic Las Vegas and am currently on a plane somewhere between there and New York City. I am generally wiped out and hungover (I say this not to suggest that I lead and/or condone the “party” lifestyle. It’s just that I got really hammered last night) and feel like a great big fat person after eating and drinking in the Vegas style for the past five days. As you can probably tell from the photo above, I am feeling less than excellent, something that I am trying to express with a facial expression. That’s me sitting in the Las Vegas airport totally waiting for the airplane people to let me get on the airplane so I can go home. If you look closely you can see one of those luggage-loading carts in the background. It was a pretty incredible experience for everyone.
Anyway, yesterday I spent most of my time interviewing people who were on the popular Comic Relief show for the popular premium cable television network HBO. I talked to a whole bunch of nice people, including but not limited to Bill Maher, Jeffrey Tambor, Jennifer Coolidge, Rita Rudner, Jeremy Piven and the rest of the guys from the popular program “Entourage,” Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, George Lopez, D.L. Hughley, Lewis Black, Jim Norton, Ray Romano, Louis C.K., Rebecca Romijn, S. Epatha Merkerson from the popular program “Law and Order,” the two guys from “Desperate Housewives” (a popular program I have never seen but acted like I have the whole time I was talking with them), and then some other people besides all of the ones I just mentioned that for whatever reason I can’t remember right now. It was tiring but a lot of fun and whatnot. I kept myself going by drinking water and eating M&M’s the whole time. It’s important to stay hydrated and hopped up on sugar while talking while famous people I have learned. Another thing I learned is that it’s good to have a conversation starter when talking with famous people. In my case, I had a horrible shaving cut on my face that about half of the people I spoke with couldn’t help but notice and start talking about. Rebecca Romijn (whom I accidentally called Rebecca Romijn-Stamos but she was still nice to me) tried to wipe away some of the dried up blood by rubbing her spit into my cheek. It was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me in North America. Fuck you, John Stamos- you blew it!
After Comic Relief was over there was a big party outside by the big swimming pools at Caesar’s Palace (which is just like being in Rome during ancient times). I went there and ate and drank a lot and made light chit-chat and stuff like that. It was really great for everybody. Then I went to some other party and did more of all that stuff and threw acting-like-a-jackass into the mix just to vary things up a bit. Then I headed back to my palatial hotel room for one last night of stinking up the place. I am really excited to get back to New York and not be a big disgusting Las Vegas person anymore.
On the plane I am on right now you can watch television on little screens that are in the back of the person’s seat in front o you. About half the people around me appear to be watching a program about getting breast implants. It looks pretty great. As you have probably figured out over the course of reading this entry, I am 97.6% braindead at the moment so I think I will stop typing and get back to staring blankly at the headrest in front of me. I will let you know how all of that goes.
Nov
Posted on 18th November 2006
As hinted at in the previous entry, I am in scenic Las Vegas as I type this and- as you can probably imagine- I am pretty much ruling the fuck out of this place. I have been staying pretty busy running around interviewing all sorts of comedy type people on behalf of the popular HBO premium cable television network. I am also having a lot of fun and eating and drinking a lot and generally enjoying the perks of being a show business person who experiences glitz and glamour at every turn, even when I’m sitting around not really doing anything (like right now for example. I am still in my underwear.).
Yesterday, I interviewed a bunch of lovely people, including but not limited to Jamie Kennedy, Susie Essman, and Robert Kelly (the popular comedian from the Dane Cook “Tourgasm” program), who touched my package. Later today, I am going to Comic Relief and will talk with a bunch of folks there. Until then, I will probably just do creepy stuff in my hotel room. I am staying in a palatial room (pictured above) at the popular Caesar’s Palace hotel and casino type place. It’s really big and I keep losing things because I set them down on one end of the room and then forget that I just did that. And then it takes like a half an hour to get from one side of the room to the other and I get so exhausted by the commute that I forget what I was looking for in the first place. The bathroom is really huge too and has one of those big bathtubs that turns into a jacuzzi when you least expect it. I have tried out the jacuzzi a couple times but after sitting in there and splashing around for a couple minutes I am not sure what else to do so I end up just getting out and going back to whatever I was up to right before that. Sometimes I will also take a shower because I figure by sitting in the jacuzzi tub thing I must have all sorts of crazy germs and whatnot on me, shit that I don’t even want to know about.
In case you were wondering, I haven’t really been doing any gambling while I’m here, though I have been watching plenty of it and it’s pretty incredible. Another really incredible thing about this town is that all the mirrors stretch you out so you look thinner and- theoretically- better than you look in real life. I guess this is so people will look at their reflection and think “Wow, I am not nearly as fat and disgusting as I was originally led to believe. Let’s go spend money!” It seems to be working. I even tricked myself into believing I wasn’t quite so hideous for a couple minutes but then I figured out the mirror trick and I went back to working on my inner beauty and accepting the fact that- if nothing else- I at least have incredible hair.
Okay, so that’s pretty much the deal with me at the moment. I have to go eat some breakfast now or I am going to have a seizure. More on this and other topics later.
Nov
Posted on 15th November 2006
I am flying somewhere between New York City (where I just moved into a new apartment, which is exciting, exhausting, and other stuff, as anyone who has ever moved from one place to another will tell you) and scenic Las Vegas, land of dreams, as I type this. I haven’t been able to write much here in my electronic journal type thing that much lately as I have been super busy, what with moving and a whole bunch of other stuff on top of all that.
I just got back from a week in the exciting worldwide vacation destination of Miami, where I am taping my very own television program for the futuristic high-definition television network INHD (or In Demand as it is also known). Howard Stern is also on this channel so I figure I am in good company and whatnot. I will write more about the show and what it’s called and all that in a few weeks when I am done taping it and am ready to shift from work mode to non-stop media blitz mode.
Anyway, the picture at the top of this entry is of some monkeys I saw while I was taping my exciting TV show in Miami. I don’t want to spoil it, but there are monkeys on my TV show. How awesome is that shit? Yeah, I know- pretty awesome. If you like shows with me and monkeys on them, you could do a lot worse than to watch my show when it comes on the television next year. You have to have a high-definition television to watch it though since it is on a high-definition television network. That’s just how these things go. Also, my friend Phil is on the show with me. He rules like a motherfucker.
Getting back to the Las Vegas stuff mentioned in paragraph one of this entry, I am going there to interview all sorts of popular celebrities in the popular talk show format that has taken over the nation and also parts of Canada during the Comedy Festival (that is the official name, note the capital letters) and Comic Relief, the popular comedy event for charity. I am doing this stuff for HBO, the premium cable television network that has also brought you “The Sopranos,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Cathouse: The Series,” and then a whole bunch of other shows besides those. It is going to be good times. I hope I don’t screw it up. I have brought lots of hot outfits, which is really half the battle when it comes to such things.
I have been to Las Vegas a couple times before in my life. I generally don’t like too much. It feels like being at the mall and not being able to leave or something, only there is gambling and a lot more old people. There are also a lot of people wearing jean shorts and colorful shirts that suggest that the wearer is not exactly opposed to the idea of good times all the time. “Waitress, I’ll take another Corona when you get a chance.” That sort of thing. I wish I had been around to experience the more romantic and glamorous Las Vegas that we, as Americans, tend to associate with the Rat Pack and other guys who have been immortalized in black and white photos (suitable for framing) over the years. But who knows- maybe the Vegas of that era was equally annoying in its own way. Here’s to never really knowing for sure. But I plan to accentuate the positive this time around and have an excellent time. I’m excited about the work I’m doing out here so as long as I avoid buying a fanny pack or something I should be in good shape. I’ll keep you posted.
Hmm, what else? Oh shit, the flight attendant just said something about getting into crash position. No, just kidding. That was a joke to suggest that the plane is crashing or something as I typing this. That would be negative.
In closing, the picture directly above where I am typing right now is of a big fish that was swimming in the water by the monkeys in the picture up top. This fish was huge, almost bigger than the monkeys. I imagine they must have all sorts of fun together, the fish and the monkeys. That’s just how it goes in the animal kingdom when the humans aren’t around.
Nov
Posted on 6th November 2006
Hi. How are you? I am fine. Thanks for asking.
Anyway, if you feel like doing some reading pertaining to me, Dave Hill, an interview I did with the popular Gothamist website is up on their Internet website today. Why not go there and read all the interesting things I have to say on a variety of topics? It is located right here. I hope you enjoy it so much.
Nov
Posted on 2nd November 2006
Here are a couple things of interest today. The first is this interesting article in New York Magazine on Edie Beale of “Grey Gardens” fame. If you haven’t seen the documentary yet, check that shit out. It is now also a play, which I’ve heard is pretty good. Soon it will be a movie starring Drew Barrymore. Ugh. Anyway, enjoy “Grey Gardens” now before it is ruined forever by that assclown Barrymore.
On the other end of things, I can’t remember if I posted something about this already, but the video above, “Mother North” by Satyricon, is- in my expert opinion- one of the best Norwegian Black Metal videos of all time. Nudity, fire- it pretty much everything. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
