Jun
Posted on 27th June 2010
I found this bunny picture on the Internet. I wonder if he can solve crimes. I hope so. No, wait, I know so.
Dave Hill
Jun
Posted on 25th June 2010
Attention People of Los Angeles:
You f@#king bastards! No, just kidding. What an awful way to start a show invite. Can you imagine? Anyway, this is your man Dave Hill politely letting you know that on Thursday, July 8 at 9:30pm at the venerable Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Hollywood, Home of the Stars, I will be performing my seriously great one-man show/rock assault/monologue type thing “Big in Japan” for the very last time in these United States as part of a special preview to my month-long run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival (This is in Scotland. I checked) where I am going to be everybody’s darling and probably someone’s bitch at some point too I imagine (I will drink myself through the pain and talk to the cops when I am ready). I really hope you can make it, partially because I am anxious, insecure, and require constant attention and approval and partially because it is a seriously good show that you will really enjoy. I talk a bunch, play some videos, shred on the guitar, and generally remind people of the beauty of life and stuff. Yeah, I don’t know how I do it sometimes either. Also, this show only costs five bucks. It will be fun to tell people how you saw me for five bucks one day when I am charging a ton of money for people to see me in a big fancy theatre and putting on a show that makes Streisand look like some goddamn community theater reject. I am so tired of her bullshit. Anyway, I really hope you can make it. You can get tickets right here.
Love,
Dave Hill
Jun
Posted on 17th June 2010
I’ve never been a “math person,” which is to say someone with a great interest in math and is good at it and stuff without using a calculator or anything and can also maybe solve crimes using unorthodox methods we never saw coming. I did have one flicker of being sort of good at math during my sophomore year in high school, the year I decided I was going to try to get good grades and see what that felt like (For the record, it worked. I got first honors, realized it wasn’t that big of a thrill, and went back to being a slightly above average student for the rest of my academic career). That year, geometry was the form of math they were thrusting upon us. My teacher was a young guy just out of college who reminded me a lot of Pee-wee Herman. As I was (and still am) obsessed with Pee-wee Herman, I decided I would just pretend that Pee-wee Herman was teaching me geometry. It totally worked- I did well and at times was even interested in the subject. And as long as we’re on the topic- how awesome would it be to have Pee-wee Herman teach you in high school?
Ever since my one shining year in academia, I haven’t given that much thought to math unless it was absolutely necessary. Until now that is! This is the segueway part of this entry. Anyway, what I mean to say is that I just started reading Alex Bellos’ excellent new book “Here’s Looking at Euclid: A Surprising Excursion Through the Astonishing World of Math,” which studies math from the point of view of a roving journalist who is totally into math (as hinted at in the title). It’s super fun reading- Bellos goes to Amazon, Bengal, Vegas, Manhattan and beyond and pretty much blows my mind with all the cool shit he finds out about numbers and stuff. It’s really enjoyable reading and you actually learn something that you could bring up at a party and then some chick will totally want to make out with you because you are a dark and complex figure who knows stuff about math and probably some other stuff too if she would just give you a chance. You can get “Here’s Looking at Euclid” right here and also probably in a book store or something. Buy it or I will stab you.
In other news, a few months ago, during one of my routine visits to Los Angeles, Home of the Stars, I had the honor of taking part in a video made by my hilarious friend Chris Schneider and Dave Lombard along with Eliza Skinner, three great people as far as I am concerned. And- as I was saying- I am totally in it too. Watch it now and then send it to everyone you have ever known ever as they will really get a kick out of it and will probably want to get a sandwich with you or something.
And finally, speaking of sophisticated things, I am in the July/August issue of the classy Penthouse Magazine as part of their 4th Annual Badass Issue. This is because I am a badass or something. There is a picture of me and everything and I talk about going to prison. I am both honored and troubled by all of this. The issue just came to my house yesterday. I have been reading the articles mostly.
Dave Hill
Jun
Posted on 8th June 2010
Attention People of New York City:
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill reminding you one last time that if you were ever thinking of coming to see my groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed, and just pretty f@#king sweet in general “Big in Japan” show, you should totally come see it TOMORROW night, which is to say Wednesday, June 9 at 6:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea. As best I can tell, this is the last time I will perform the show in New York City, maybe ever, but at least until I leave for the UK (United Kingdom, ran a check on it) next month to perform it like a million times for all the people that live over there at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and other places too in hopes that they will shower me with their pretend money and also maybe have intercourse with me, something I won’t exactly put up a fight about if you know what I’m saying (NOTE: I’m saying that if they would like to have intercourse, I will totally “do it”). Anyway, whether you’ve seen my “Big in Japan” show before or you have never seen it never ever, you should see it tomorrow because it’s better than ever ever, with lots of new talking and video stuff and also I will be doing lots and lots of what’s happening in the video above. I know, if you just watched that video you pretty much just got your ass handed to you. Sorry- that’s just how I live my life. File under: more where that sort of thing came from. Also, I am really struggling with my new haircut. I asked for a trim and look what happened. I tipped the guy too because sometimes I lack conviction. Anyway, I really hope you can come to my show tomorrow as I am pretty much the Streisand of my generation, catering demands and all. Also, my show only cost five bucks. Stop yelling at me. You can get tickets right here.
Love,
Dave Hill
Jun
Posted on 6th June 2010
Hi. Remember how I wrote before about how I have hard rocking rock machine called Diamondsnake with my friends Moby, Phil Costello, and Tomato? Well, we totally went and made a super sweet video for out hit song “Storm the F@#king Kastle” with the excellent B.A. Miale, Masha Gvozdov, and Ashly Covington. I hope you like it so much. It pretty much has everything and then also some other stuff. And once you’re done watching the video above a bunch, you can come see us play live in New York City at the Highline Ballroom on June 17 and then in Los Angeles at Dragonfly on July 7. I plan on taking my shirt off at both of these shows. Just figured I should give you the heads up on that sort of thing. You can get more info on all the stuff I totally just said right here.
Jun
Posted on 1st June 2010
Attention People of New York City:
Hi. It’s Dave Hill again. You know, that one guy. Anyway, remember that one time I was telling you about how you should come see my incredible one-man show/monologue/rock assault/night of good times “Big in Japan,” starring me, Dave Hill (from before). Well, I am doing it one last time EVER in New York City (I think anyway) next week, specifically Wednesday, June 9 at the special super early time of 6:30pm (so people can get home to watch their programs and stuff) over there at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in the historic and also openly gay (literally!) Chelsea neighborhood. Whether you have already seen my incredible “Big in Japan” show or you have totally never seen it before ever, you should totally come to see it next week because I am one of the great artists of our time and the show has evolved a bunch to have a lot more swears, partial nudity, and fire than before. Also, I talk more and do more different stuff and everything is super good and it is so great I might have a seizure just thinking about it right now in my house where I live all by myself and pay for stuff with my own money. My brilliant director Jeff Tomsic and I are staging this special early presentation of the “Big in Japan” show so we can test out all the hydraulics, pyrotechnics, and a couple things that will in no way harm the animals involved no matter what anyone tells you before we pull up stakes and take the show over to scenic Europe, where I am will perform like the wind for the people of Dublin a few nights and then go the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which my handlers tell me is in Scotland, to perform it over and over again for all the people who live there so they will want to have intercourse with me and also maybe buy me a drink or a sandwich or give me a cool pin referencing their town. A hat would be good too maybe but nothing too dainty or easily stainable. I really hope you can make it next week as it will be super fun and- like I was saying before- there is a seriously good chance this is the last time I perform this incredible show in New York City, like, ever ever. So there. You can get tickets right here. Do it. I am tired of running:
Love,
Dave Hill, one of the greats
