Jun
Posted on 15th June 2019
Recently I had the pleasure of going down into the basement at Coney Island High and doing Joseph Arthur‘s delightful new podcast/YouTube show Come to Where I’m From. We talk about everything from free speech to paths to enlightenment and also inhale helium a couple times. I had a lovely time. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Hugs,
Dave Hill
Jun
Posted on 3rd June 2019
MY STATEMENT:
As you may or may not have heard by now, I, Dave Hill, national treasure, have been permanently banned from Twitter, the popular social media platform, as a result of letting a select several hundred Trump supporters know that I was totally porking their mothers, always consensually, and, when the cash was right*, in the butt. The majority of the time, there would also be pizza ordered afterward, which was paid for by the mother in question or, in some cases, that woman’s husband, which is to say the Trump supporter’s father, just as soon as he got done filming me and his wife doing the unthinkable, sometimes three or four times in one night and then a few more times after we got out of the van and went back inside to watch a movie or something. The way I see it, if you drive all the way to the mall, it’s just plain stupid to hang out in the parking lot the whole time. Also, there is a pretty good food court in there, which gives me and the lucky mom and dad the opportunity to order food from three totally different places if we feel like it.
Anyway, I guess we all saw this coming. And when I say we, I mean me, my friends Bill and Chris, and at least four or five other people besides us. It’s not like I wasn’t warned this might happen either. In fact, this past November, after 30 days straight of speaking plainly and honestly on Twitter about the gravity-defyingly good bone sessions I’d been having with so many Trump supporters’ mothers (and in some cases, fathers, usually at the same time and at no additional cost to them or their loved ones) it even surprised me, Twitter took swift action in punishing me, as they always do when someone crosses the line while using their platform (unless, of course, those people happen to be bloated conspiracy theorists, alt-right virgins, or just flat out Nazis, in which case, it usually takes the Twitter people way longer because they are busy policing guys like me who aren’t shy about dropping their dingle dangle into so many MAGA moms it’s actually kind of weird.) On that particular occasion, I was suspended for seven days, during which time I wasn’t allowed to so much as even “like” someone else’s tweet, the most basic of all human instincts, for one whole week. It was like I had time-traveled back to the grunge era or some shit and I honestly never would have even gotten through it were it not for the help of close friends and family as well as the three or four other secret Twitter accounts I keep for just such an occasion.
You’d think I would have learned something from this experience. But if life has taught me anything, I almost never do. And sure enough, after just a few weeks back on Twitter, there I was, pumping away at so many conservative mothers (and fathers) you’d think I was being paid to do it, which, as stated again and again in a series of late night, often drunken tweets, I totally was. Anyway, this past Monday, which is to say Memorial Day, in what I choose to believe was an act of both bold patriotism and good old-fashioned horndogginess, I decided to kick things up a notch and have my way with so much MAGA ass you would have sworn I was a proctologist in the suburbs of Dallas. And dammit if it wasn’t fun while it lasted.
This past Tuesday morning, I woke to find an email from Twitter Support letting me know my account was “suspended” and “currently under investigation” with no time given on how long this might last. The tweet that did me in one was one in which I replied to a Trump supporter who called me an idiot by telling him I wasn’t an idiot but I was, in fact, “stupid for his mother’s butthole.” It wasn’t my best work, not by a long shot. But at the same time, it was still the coolest thing me or anyone I have ever met before in my entire life has ever done.
Yesterday, I received a follow-up email from Twitter Support letting me know that I was banned from the platform permanently and if I think I am ever going to be allowed on Twitter ever again I can basically forget it. The news was, of course, jarring, but, at the same time, totally awesome. In short, I totally rule.
If there is anything to learn from this- and let’s be honest, there probably isn’t- it’s that we all have a job in this resistance. For some, it’s speaking out against injustice. For others, it’s getting people registered to vote. And for more than 30 days straight in the fall of 2018 and again this past Memorial Day and actually for most of the days in between those two times the more I sit here thinking about it right now, mine was telling Trump supporters who had insulted me with often homophobic, transphobic, and racist taunts, in addition to threats of violence, that I had been maintaining a long term, symbiotic, and deeply satisfying casual yet ridiculously intimate relationship with one or- ideally- both of their parents in which we got up to a ton of weird shit.
I guess my point is there will be casualties along the way, but don’t ever give up the fight.
Your man,
Dave Hill
P.S.
If anyone out there can help me get back on Twitter, let me know!
P.P.S.
You can help too by signing the important petition.
*It was always right.
Apr
Posted on 2nd April 2019
I am excited to announce that my new book Parking the Moose will be published by the fine folks at Penguin Random House on October 8th of this year. I have the past two years exploring the mysterious land of Canada, land of my grandfather Clarence Blake, and am now ready to reveal my findings to the world. This book is the most definitive book on Canada ever written by a non-Canadian. Please pre-order a copy for you and everyone you know wherever incredible books are sold today. In fact, here are a few links to get you started- here, here, here, and here. This is my third book and if I don’t make the bestseller list with this one, I am going into used cars. I mean, I am literally going inside of used cars and taking whatever I can find- loose change, lipstick, cigarettes, circus peanuts, whatever. Please do your part.
I stand on guard for thee,
Dave Hill
Mar
Posted on 29th March 2019
Hi. It’s Dave. Still. Anyway, I am excited to announce a brand new podcast I am doing called Dave Hill: History Fluffer that I am doing with my friends Jim Biederman, Jodi Lennon, and Chris Gersbeck. It is an entirely improvised show in which I explain my important role in various historical events, including but not limited to the creation of CBGB, my time as Son of Sam’s dog walker, and my tenure as a member of the Eagles. It is the best podcast. Please go listen, rate, review , and subscribe here.
Yours in hot podcasting,
Dave Hill
Mar
Posted on 29th March 2019
Hi. It’s Dave again. My hot rock band Valley Lodge made a hot new music video for our song “Come Back to Bed” from out latest album Fog Machine, out now on the excellent Tee Pee Records. The video features a sweet cameo from John Oliver, some sweet animations by Scott Johnson and Phil Costello, some sweet logos by Dave Bamundo, and some illustrations by me and Scott Johnson. It is basically the best video. Watch it above!
Still street,
Dave Hill
Mar
Posted on 5th March 2019
Hi. It’s Dave again. I just wanted to tell you that I had the pleasure of doing the excellent Live from Here with Chris Thile show again, this time live from the State Theater in Minneapolis, which was freezing. Tom Papa, Broken Social Scene, Madison Cunningham, Vijay Iyer, Sharon Day, and a bunch of other fine folks were on the show too. You can watch my full set above. This time I talked about the time I opened for Snoop Dogg, the popular rapper.
Thank you,
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 19th December 2018
Hi. It’s Dave again. From before. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I had the pleasure of sitting down with Malcolm Gladwell recently to discuss Norwegian Black Metal, Witch Taint, and other incredible topics for his excellent new music podcast Broken Record. I encourage you to listen to this episode immediately or I will stab you or something probably if I know me. You can listen to the whole thing on iTunes or wherever else you find incredible podcasts.
Thanks and have a great day,
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 16th December 2018
Recently, I schooled the at-risk youths at Earthquaker Devices in Akron, Ohio while demoing their awesome new Aqueduct Vibrato pedal. I don’t know if I made a difference in their lives, but I do know it’s a pretty sweet pedal.
Still street,
Dave Hill
Nov
Posted on 19th November 2018
Hi. It’s Dave again. Recently, I had the pleasure of appearing on the legendary podcast Keith and the Girl. These two are pretty much the OG podcasters and have been doing it for almost 15 years now so you know they ain’t messing around. It was an honor to be a guest on their program and I hope you will stop doing whatever else you might be doing right now and listen to the episode am totally on by clicking right here now.
Have an unstoppable day,
Dave Hill
Oct
Posted on 29th October 2018
IFC Slightly Off Saturday: Magic Michael (NIGHT #1) from Chris Molinaro on Vimeo.
If you’d like to be deeply disturbed, amused, and perhaps even a bit aroused, watch these interstitials I made with my friend Chris Molinaro for IFC in which I play “Magic Michael,” a shirtless magician who lives with his mother. Chris wrote and directed these spots and I acted like the wind. They are airing on IFC on the weekend during their movie screenings. I hope you enjoy them so much.
Still street,
Dave Hill
