Jul
Posted on 7th July 2023
Hi, it’s Dave again. I am excited to the point of medical attention to tell you that I will be hitting the road with Tenacious D this September and opening for them on their Spicy Meatball tour in the United States. The D and me, together at last! I’m super pumped and I hope you can come out to a show or two or even all of them! It’s gonna be a lot of fun. Hope to see you at the merch booth or outside the restrooms after the show!
Your man,
Dave Hill
Jul
Posted on 5th July 2023
Hi, it’s Dave from before. I wanted to take a moment to let you know that my fourth book The Awesome Game: One Man’s Incredible, Globe-Crushing Hockey Odyssey will be unleashed on an unsuspecting public this October, specifically October 24 in the United States and October 17 in the rest of the world, where I am considered a genius. Penguin Random House/Doubleday Canada is publishing the book outside of the United States and Triumph Books is publishing it in the United States. You can pre-order it now wherever incredible books are sold.
As you probably already guessed from the title, my new book is mostly about ice hockey. I realize this may initially seem alienating to those who don’t like hockey or sports in general. But rest assured- I don’t like sports either. I like sport, singular, and that sport is hockey, the greatest game of all-time. And I have tried to write this book for everyone, regardless of their interest in hockey, so it will be equally amazing for both hockey lovers and non-hockey lovers alike.
For example, as part of the book, I traveled to Kenya to play hockey with the only hockey team in the entire country, the Kenya Ice Lions, but while I was there, I witnessed a baboon steal an entire loaf of bread from a bunch of children and then run off with it, straight past his baboon friends, who no doubt assumed the bread-stealing baboon would be willing to share the bread with them but they couldn’t have been more wrong. It was perhaps the greatest thing I have ever seen. Similarly, when I traveled to Katowice, Poland to go see my sister-in-law’s cousin’s son play goalie for a pro team over there, I was harassed by Polish police for jaywalking within minutes of arriving in town- and they literally played “good cop/bad cop” with me. In Polish. And finally, when I was in Peterborough, Ontario to watch the Ontario Hockey League’s Peterborough Petes square off against the Kingston Frontenacs, my friend Nils’ friend Terry, who drove up from Toronto to join us, told us how he placed an ad on a questionable website that led to him making out with some guy’s wife right in front of him even though we didn’t ask.
In short, this book not only has something for everyone but it indeed has it all, including proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar, because I have a great editor, which is more than I can say for this Substack page, which is intentionally rife with errors so as to make me appear more human.
Anyway, it is at this point that I encourage you to pre-order my new book The Awesome Game: One Man’s Incredible, Globe-Crushing Hockey Odyssey. You would be helping me out greatly if you do this because all pre-orders get counted on the first on-sale day, which is how I might make a bestseller list of some sort, which in turn will make my day proud of me even though he says he already is. Still, it’s never enough. Also, and perhaps more importantly, I really think you will enjoy this book, especially if you have read and already enjoyed my first three books Tasteful Nudes, Dave Hill Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, and Parking the Moose, all timeless literary classics to be read again and again. And then again after that. But even if you haven’t read those books, you will love this book. I promise.
Oh yeah, sometimes people ask where they should buy my book. And I think you should buy it from wherever you like, so rather than point you in any specific direction, here is a Google link to the book and you can take it from there if you are so inclined.
Okay, I will pester you about my new book in the near future, I’m sure, but, as an added bonus to you for reading this far, I wanted to tell you that yesterday I watched my friend Tim’s dog, a chocolate lab named Hazel, take a dump in a river and then swim off like nothing weird just happened. It wasn’t quite as entertaining as that thing with the baboon but I still got a pretty big kick out of it.
Your man,
Dave Hill
May
Posted on 19th May 2023
Oh hey, it’s Dave, from before. I’m excited to let you know that I am making my triumphant return to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August. As those of you who have been following my career from the very beginning are well aware, this is my first time performing at the festival in ten years. I am doing fourteen shows in the last two weeks of the festival and I would love to see you and everyone you have ever met in the audience. You can get tickets right here!
Grazie,
Dave Hill
Apr
Posted on 24th April 2023
Hi. It’s Dave from before. Sorry- long time no post. In these futuristic times of feverish social media updates, I sometimes neglect my own website. But no more! For example, I want to tell you I now have a blog (Do they call them that anymore? Grandpa doesn’t know!) on Substack. You can go read (and even subscribe for free or for money while you’re at it!) here. Please go do it now so I may experience feelings of well-being.
Love,
Dave Hill
Nov
Posted on 18th November 2022
My incredible new holiday comedy single “Dave Hill’s Twelve Days of Christmas” is out now, wherever you stream music, comedy, and other stuff. Go listen here!
Thanks!
Dave Hill
Jun
Posted on 4th June 2022
Oh, hey, it’s Dave from before. I meant to tell you this earlier, but I was recently on an episode of the new US version of the popular British panel show Would I Lie to You along with host Aasif Mandvi, team captains Matt Walsh and Sabrina Jalees, and fellow guests Gizelle Bryant, Adam Pally, and Jill Kargman. You can and totes should watch the whole episode right here.
Your man,
Dave Hill
May
Posted on 27th May 2022
Oh, hey, it’s Dave, from before, here to let you know that this July, I will be heading to the Pacific Northwest region for six magical days of shows with my pal, the hilarious Andie Main. You can see all the dates above and get your ticks on my gigs page. Please come to every show no matter where you live or I will totally freak out!
Your man,
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 15th December 2021
As rumored in the Norwegian press, my latest comedy special The Pride of Cleveland is now available to watch for free for the first time in North America on the 800 Pound Gorilla YouTube channel. You can watch it above right now! Please force everyone you’ve ever met to do the same!
Still street,
Dave Hill
Nov
Posted on 19th November 2021
Hi. It’s Dave again. Anyway, as those of you who have been following my career from the very beginning are well aware, I started my own teeny tiny clothing line (the line is teeny tiny, the clothes are regular sizes) with Second Hand Shorty called Bunny, named after my mom. While we started with just women’s clothes, I am excited to tell you that we are debuting our first men’s shirt, which I am totally wearing in the photo above. The shirt features our signature Cloud pattern, designed by me, Dave, as part of my community service hours. You can pre-order the shirt now right here. Order yours now before we’re all sold out or I will be so upset! No, I’m just kidding- I’ll be fine but I do think you’ll look great in the shirt and you will help keep me from returning to a life of crime in the process!
Have the best day,
Dave Hill
Nov
Posted on 2nd November 2021
Hi. It’s Dave from before. I am excited to the point of medical concern to tell you that this December and January, I will be joining my friend Puddles Pity Party for a whole bunch of shows around the United States. You can see if we are coming to your town or somewhere near your town on the attractive graphic above. I am going to perform some solo comedy and guitar antics and also join Puddles during his show for additional mayhem. I hope you can make it out. There will be snacks probably. You can get full info on tickets and whatnot on Puddles’ website. It’s gonna be a scorcher!
Your man,
Dave Hill
