Mar
Posted on 6th March 2012
Today I write to you from somewhere high (40,000 feet according the flight navigator thing in the headrest in front of me. That is seriously high. No one can believe it and everyone on the plane is screaming) above the Atlantic Ocean as I fly back to New York City from London after a five-day invasion of the popular English town. The flight attendants have just finished serving dinner and I opted for the gooey pasta option. Couple that with the fact that I ate a giant Cadbury chocolate bar before I got on the plane and the guy behind be won’t stop coughing on my head and I am feeling like whatever the opposite of a champion is right now.
My current state aside, I would describe the past few days as lovely. Against all odds, it was mostly sunny in London and everyone was really excited about it, especially me since sunshine meant my hair not being compromised by the London rain, something that- as you can probably imagine- causes me great emotional distress and sometimes even cramps and even a pulled groin. I also continued tearing the people of London a new one while doing my popular nightclub act, most notably with two nights at Deansway’s, a new club housed in the basement of the Bethnal Green Workingman’s Club. As hinted at in the name, the Bethnal Green Workingman’s Club is located in Bethnal Green and was originally created as a place for workingmen (guys with jobs, I guess) to go have a pile of cheap drinks, hang out, and talk and smoke and swear and whatnot. It’s kind of like a V.F.W. hall or a Polish National Club only everyone is really, really English. In keeping with modern times (and also the fact that there are less and less workingmen in England with each passing day, I’m told), however, the Workingman’s Club has rationed out its space for other purposes, including Deansway’s.
At Deansway’s, I performed my popular chat variety show the Dave Hill Explosion on Friday and Saturday nights. My guests on Friday were the actor Perry Benson (above), whom you no doubt know from such films as “Quadrophenia,” “This is England,” “Scum”, and many more, as well as a whole bunch of British television programs, and musical guest Gabriel and the Hounds (Gabe and Conrad from Takka Takka), some New York friends who just happened to be on tour in the UK and had a night off. The show was a super blast, and aside from me slipping in the fake snow (I used two snow machines this time- an awesome, yet dangerous first for me) and bruising my hip, was in the showbiz win column.
After the show, Perry, the staff of Deansway’s, and I headed over to a nearby pub (or “bar” as I like to call it) and started drinking whatever they’d let us. Perry suggested we have some bison grass vodka, which was delicious, but after a few of them I was reminded why I almost never drink vodka- I just start screaming and crying and wrestling people and making swears and stuff. Don’t get me wrong- it’s really fun at the time. It’s just all the apology phone calls I have to make the next day that start to wear on me and also the people getting the phone calls.
Saturday’s Explosion was also extremely explosive in nature. There was only one snow machine this time, but a lot more people came to the show because word of my nightclub act had spread all over town like a rash after the Friday show or something. My guests this time around were comedian Ross Lee and musical guest Alessi’s Ark, one of my all time faves. No injuries except for maybe a few emotional ones were sustained during the performance. Also, the sex was fabulous.
After Saturday’s Explosion, a bunch of us hung out and drank stuff at Deansway’s for a while before heading upstairs to a cabaret of sorts that was going on upstairs at the Working Man’s Club. There was all sorts of crazy stuff going on too. For example, some girl stripped naked and rubbed clay all over her head while music was playing, which was great for me, and then some guy came out and played accordion for everybody. That’s me sitting there in front of him while he played accordion at the top of this entry. As you can see, I was having a really nice time and also my hair looked great. There were all sorts of super hot chicks at the cabaret too, as you can see from the photo above this paragraph. This chick was all over me. It’s like “Calm down, girl.” You know?
Once we had had enough of all the good times going down at the cabaret, we went downstairs to check out the actual working men’s section of the Bethnal Green Working Men’s club. As you can see from the photo above, it’s pretty much good times all the time with working men. The mood was super festive and everyone was pretty sure they weren’t going to die any time soon. I stayed there and owned the place for another drink or so before heading home to sleep the sleep of a guy who has just finished having slightly too much fun but still has incredible hair and you can ask anyone.
Yesterday, I met my friends Andrew, Pete, Nick, and their fun dogs for Sunday lunch, which is great for a guy like me, who likes fun with dogs, food, and beer all at once wherever and whenever possible. Afterward, I headed to Greenwich to do a set at the Up the Creek comedy club. I was running on fumes by that time, so I just got onstage and brought the heat for a bit before getting dizzy and heading off into the night.
On the way home from Greenwich, I stopped off to see some friends at a bar in Camden, a popular neighborhood for the young people of London. The sign above was hanging in the stairwell on the way down to the bathrooms at the bar. I’m not sure what it means, but if you add the phrase “in my pants” to the end of it, it becomes infinitely and endlessly funny if you ask me (and I am right about everything).
Okay, now the flight attendants are bringing some snack of some sort around so I really need to get mine before things fully descend into a “Lord of the Flies” situation on this plane and we have to pick a leader and also someone gets killed.
Love,
Dave Hill
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