Aug
Posted on 16th August 2010
I have been in Edinburgh for roughly two weeks now. I’ve lost a lot of blood and several of my organs have already shut down or are at least just sort of giving me the finger. Other than that I am having a really nice time. The two shows I am doing here- Big in Japan and the Dave Hill Explosion- are going well and I have been getting really nice reviews unless you count the old man who walked out of my show one night and called me crap, which I choose not to because it hurts my feelings. I’m pretty sure his wife gave me the finger too. This town!
As rumored on the Internet, I let Fix editor, man-about-town, and major asshole Harry Deansway stay in the guest bedroom of my palatial apartment here in Edinburgh for a few nights. As you can probably imagine, it has been a complete nightmare. Most days, I wake up to find Harry sitting on the couch in a wrestling singlet and mud mask while chain smoking Menthol cigarettes and crying in front of whatever is on TV at the moment, even if it’s just a commercial for a local auto dealer. Sometimes I try to complain but Harry just stands up, throws his cereal on the floor and starts screaming about how he will “fucking ruin” me. Then he locks himself in the bathroom until just about fifteen minutes before I have to go on stage. I enter the bathroom to find the tub filled to the edge and all of my personal effects thrown into a tub full of soapy, yellow water.
Other than the previous paragraph, I would describe my Edinburgh experience as being really positive. A lot of chicks want to make out with me and I have fingered almost the entire staff of the Tesco near my apartment. Today is my day off and I am using it to go see some shows and maybe get some cosmetic surgery to make sure things finish really well for me up here. I am excited to see Rich Fulcher as Eleanor later this week as he is awesome and also- being a fellow dirty American and all- one of the few people I can understand from the beginning of each sentence right up until the end minus a couple words here and there.
Speaking of language, yesterday I learned the phrases “yummy mummy” and “bum chum,” both of which have to do with people who end up getting banged at some point.
Okay, I have to go clean the tub now as Harry has pretty much lined the entire thing with enough pubes to make a sweater or “jumper” as they seem to be called over here.
Oh yeah, the picture above is of me on top of Arthur’s Seat, one of the popular mountains here in town. I climbed the f@#k out of that thing with the lovely and talented Charlyne Yi the other day. No one could believe it. Also, follow me on Twitter, and listen to my podcast. There- glad I got that out of my system.
Love,
Dave Hill
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