Aug
Posted on 23rd August 2010
As some of you may know, this summer I’ve had an intern named Kyle Mizono helping me in my plot for world domination. Kyle contacted me via the Internet some time ago and asked if she could be my intern and learn about show business and stuff for summer and- classy guy that I am- I said “Sure.” There has been some speculation that Kyle is not a real person, however- as evidenced by the photo above- and the fact that I myself have been in the same room with Kyle on many occasions, I can tell you that she totally exists and is leading a full and reasonably normal life with lots of great outfits.
A few days ago, Kyle sent me this letter or essay or something about her internship experience with me, Dave Hill. Because of my busy show business life, I haven’t had time to read it myself, but I promised her I would post it here on my Internet website for all to enjoy. I am excited to read what great things she says about me when I manage to find the time. Anyway, here it is:
“This summer, I had the opportunity to live in New York, and intern with comedian Mr. Dave Hill. Even in writing I was expected to refer to him as Mr. Dave Hill – it was one of his rules. However, I am breaking his rule because DAVE doesn’t know where I live, and he can’t do anything to stop me! Anyways, I came to New York without a clue of what interning for a comedian even meant, and I still don’t completely understand what it means.
At first, I was terrified of Dave because I admired and respected him, but it didn’t take me long to I realize that there was nothing to be afraid of, and very little to admire or even respect. I can’t tell you how many times Dave dropped something on the ground and he made me pick it up.
“It is right in front of you,” I’d say, to which he would reply, “I don’t have time. I am performer,” all the while picking his nose.
The devil doesn’t wear Prada, he specifically wears a velvet suit and converse sneakers. Dave’s absurd requests kept me busy day and night, even when he was out of town. For an entire week, I went without bathing or eating anything but a few stale rice crackers that I found while cleaning Dave’s apartment.
The worst part is now everyone thinks that I am their intern or something. Since leaving New York, I have been chauffeuring my friends to the airport, and delivering coffee and pastries to people’s doors. Why do I put up with this? I want to be a comedian, and Dave says that it is only way to make it in show business.
Kyle Mizono”
I have no doubt Kyle’s letter was beautiful and touching. I hope to read it some day. Okay, that about covers it for now. I have to go have a procedure so I’ve got to wash up.
Love,
Dave Hill
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