Jul
Posted on 9th July 2010
Today I write to you from an airplane high above America as I travel back to New York City after several fun-filled days and nights in Los Angeles, Home of the Stars. I arrived on July 4th, our nation’s popular birthday, and didn’t waste any time joining in on the fun. My friend Tig and I hopped in my classy rental car, a silver Chevrolet Cobalt without power locks or any other trappings of the future, and headed to my friend Eric’s house for an Independence Day BBQ party. Eric’s house used to belong to Buster Keaton, the Hollywood great. I was hoping some of the magic rubbed off on me when I went inside to use the bathroom and so far I am pretty sure it did. I also ate a hot dog. More as this story develops.
After hanging out at my friend Eric’s house for a while and having a really nice time in general, Tig and I headed to lesbian-based party in the Hollywood Hills. There were lesbians everywhere. I had a really nice time and it was nice to be in an environment where no one wanted to bang me for a change, no matter how many times I asked. I ate two hot dogs at this party and also a brownie and cookie.
After the lesbian-based party, Tig and I went to another 4th of July get together hosted by a girl with tattoos and big boobs. She was really nice and let us have as many cupcakes as we wanted. This is not a euphemism. It was getting late though and Tig and I had maybe six cupcakes between us before we decided it was time to head home and fall into the kind of deep sleep that tends to come after a long day of eating hot dogs, assorted snack foods, and a lot of cupcakes.
With 4th of July behind me, I got down to business in Los Angeles. I shot some fun footage for a guitar show with Reuben Cox, an awesome guitar maker, Lisa Loeb, and Moby, whom I am totally in a band with. Hopefully the show will end up on television because it is going to be incredible.
On Tuesday night, I did a couple fun comedy shows with Tig, one downtown and one in Santa Monica. People were laughing and clapping and not throwing things at my head, so I had a really nice time. Afterwards, Tig and I bought a bunch of ice cream and then had an ice cream party even though she originally said she didn’t want any but clearly totally did in the end because everyone wants ice cream no matter what they tell you. I like having ice cream parties because it makes everyone happy and also I don’t have to finish all the ice cream myself and feel shame.
On Wednesday, my rock band that I have with my friends Moby, Phil, and Tomato- Diamondsnake– rocked the f@#k out of Dragonfly, a rock-n-roll club right there in Hollywood. There were sexy dancers on stage with us and lots of Hollywood starlets and whatnot in attendance so it felt like a very Los Angeles-y rock show, which made it more fun if you ask me, a guy who is from out of town. Also, there was a nice article about Moby and the band in general in the Los Angeles Times the day before our show, so that just added to the excitement and I’m guessing helped put some asses in the seats, which is just great.
Last night, which was Thursday if you’re keeping track like me, I did my incredible “Big in Japan” show for the very last time in the United States before I take it over the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, a place where I am hoping everyone loves me, loves me so much and gives me lots of presents and wants to have intercourse. The show last night was fun and a bunch of people showed up and seemed to have a really nice time. My show was at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, where I often put my art and privates on the line. After the show, I went to the bar down the street to drink stuff and talk about stuff like docking, which you should pull up on Google images right now if you are at work and are interested in being fired or something. And then on the way home, I drove through Carl’s Jr., the popular Los Angeles hamburger chain that greatly aided in me feeling like crap this morning.
Now I am just sitting here on this plane, plotting my next move and wondering whether they are going to give us snacks of some sort. Also, f@#k LeBron James.
Love,
Dave Hill
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