Mar
Posted on 19th March 2010
Attention People of New York City:
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that this Thursday, March 25 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea, I will bringing the heat in its various forms in the overall form of my world-famous nightclub act the Dave Hill Explosion aka the show most motherf@#kers can’t handle or something. Whether you are into good times all the time or you would simply like to get your ass handed to you by America’s #1 Sweetheart (me, Dave Hill, mentioned earlier), this night is pretty much meant for you because all that stuff will totally happen x50 or something. As I sit here in my tastefully decorated apartment that I pay for with a combination of my own money and a generous grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, I am stunned by the amount of incredibleness I have cooked up for this show pretty much without even trying. Also, I smell smoke. Do you smell smoke? Sometimes I just get so tired, Danny. Does that ever happen to you? Anyway, I really hope you can make it to my show on Thursday night as it will be seriously good. Aside from all the usual awesome stuff I get up to, I have worked out this new trick with one quart of rubber cement, one palate of sheet rock, a gallon of kerosene, an old bowling pin, a bunsen burner, a roll of duct tape, an electric fan, one mouse trap, four live raccoons, Gene Shalit, six ordinary Lance Armstrong bracelets, and a pair of roller skates that is pretty much guaranteed to be all over NY1 by Friday morning. Also, I am going to have some really great guests on my show, including but not limited to the lovely and talented songstress Martha Wainwright; “Project Runway” star, author, and Meryl Streep Oscar dress designer Chris March; the elusive Claywoman; and more. And, of course, my mysterious sidebitch Phil will be there in all his creepy, house arrest-violating glory. Also, there will be unlimited Sea Breezes available at the UCB bar courtesy of yours truly (me). It would almost be weird if you didn’t at least try to come to this show. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? I didn’t want to say anything but I can only go for so long watching you destroy yourself while remaining silent about it. You’re not just hurting yourself you know. Now you get out there and live! You can get tickets right here.
Love,
Dave Hill
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