Dec
Posted on 28th December 2009
Attention People of New York City:
The Holidays- do not even get me started on this topic. As I write to you today, swaddled in chinchilla and slowly recovering from a raccoon attack that has instantly made me the most famous boy in my hometown this Christmas, I hope you and your loved ones are having a really nice time. Also, I wanted to invite you to the final performance of my newish, ever-evolving, and incredible monologue and rock assault called “Big in Japan” before I travel to the popular European town of London, England, where I am considered a genius and also highly bangable, to perform it for all the people who live there. I strongly encourage you to come out to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on Wednesday, January 6 at 8pm to support the arts and also get your ass handed to you by all the motherf@#king heat I am bringing like a motherf@#ker (because I am an artist). I realize there has been some confusion as to exactly what my “Big in Japan” show (which is directed by the great Jeff Tomsic and assistant directed by the great Nicole Brodeur) is and how exactly it is different from all the other incredible stuff I have done in the past. Let me break it down for you:
At around 8pm on Wednesday, January 6, some announcer guy at the theatre will ask you to turn off your cell phones and shut the f@#k up in general (This will be done politely per my request to keep things classy at all times). Then they will turn out the lights for a second and the next thing you know I will walk out on stage wearing a really fun outfit I pulled together back at the house. Then I will start talking for up to but no longer than one hour straight in the tradition of all the other great orators who have come before me, like Julius Caesar, Thiruvalluvar, Cicero, Abraham Lincoln, Decimus Magnus Ausonius and some of the others I can name without even trying. At various points in the program, I will also shred on my guitar, play a video or two, and gesture to pictures being projected on a screen behind me while talking about the thing in the picture. Topics discussed shall include but not be limited to love, monkeys, mass transit, my privates, the entire country of Japan, and “Smoke on the Water” by Deep Purple. Nothing is going to be intentionally set fire except for your hearts. If you don’t have a nice time, you can wrestle me to the ground and take whatever you find in my pockets. I really hope you can make it. In fact, if you don’t come I will be a total jerk to you next time I see you, even more than last time. No, just kidding. But it will break my baboon heart. You can get tickets right here.
Love and Happy Everything,
Dave Hill
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