Apr
Posted on 29th April 2009
Attention Citizens of the Internet:
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill with a seriously important announcement. As some of you know, in addition to being a show business professional, I play in a rocking rock band called Valley Lodge. As you can probably imagine, we are incredible. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that our new album “Semester at Sea,” which is the critically acclaimed follow-up to our critically acclaimed self-titled debut, is now available like a motherf@#ker on iTunes, the popular Internet portal that has greatly aided in the destruction of the entire music industry. As most of the guys in the band will tell you, our new album is one of the greatest rock albums of all-time. It is the perfect album to listen to while driving, doing the dishes, and/or boning (if you can handle hearing my voice the whole time). I am told it is also good to listen to while running. Just ask Rosie Ruiz. Also, as a means of really doing a great job promoting our new album, I have created a music video for one of the songs on the album called “The Door.” Not surprisingly, I really nailed it. A word of caution- don’t watch this video at work unless you want your own office. Here it is:
Anyway, getting back to our new album. Wow. It is pretty much the album that makes the guys want to be us and the girls want to be with us, so much in fact that I am having trouble even typing this e-mail considering what some complete strangers are doing with my pants right now (Sheesh. Note to self: free wi-fi or not, stay away from Port Authority. Am I right or am I right?). And while our first album pretty much redefined the power pop genre, this new album takes a complete left turn into pop rock, which is wildly, wildly different. Seriously though, if you like Cheap Trick, T. Rex, the Kinks, Big Star, Slade, Matthew Sweet, and the Raspberries, you will probably want to come over our various houses and give us a big hug as soon as you hear our music. Then again, if you know and like all those bands I just mentioned, my research indicates that you are a fortysomething male who still lives with his parents. Thanks, dude, but a nice e-mail will do. Head to Kinko’s if you have to. Weirdly, however, super hot 22 year-old chicks who hate clothes and rules also seem to be into this kind of music I am finding. Go figure.
I realize you are probably thinking at this point that the purpose of this e-mail is to try to get you to buy our new album. You are mistaken. The purpose of this e-mail is to try to get you to buy both our first album and our new album. You don’t go sit in the front row of a movie theater to see “The Empire Strikes Back” if you’ve never heard of “Star Wars.” Unless, of course, you are a complete psychopath or me when I was a little kid and would do whatever my Aunt Betty told me (true story).
If you want the actual old-fashioned physical CD versions of our incredible albums, they are for sale all over the Internet. Google that sh*t. I can’t hold your hand every step of the way, grandpa!
Okay, that about covers it. Have a super day. Also, here is another groundbreaking music video I made in my spare time. If you like bulldogs and chimps, cancel whatever else you had planned on doing today:
Someone left a cake out in the rain,
Dave Hill
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