Mar
Posted on 12th March 2009
Today I write from Osaka, Japan, where I am up too early as a result of some combination of jetlag, alcohol, and the approximately five hot coffees in a can that I have had pretty much every day since I got to Japan. We have been in Osaka for three days now and played our first show the night before last, which- as you can probably- was completely incredible. Tonight we rock Nagoya, which I am expecting to be even incredibler. Above is a photo of me and my friend Doug Gillard from Guided by Voices, who is rocking the bass with us on this tour, gearing up for the task at hand.
I will write a full and detailed report about the Valley Lodge Japan Invasion 2009 when I have more of a chance to sit and type a bunch, but so far I can say that this country is superior to the United States in pretty much every way one can think of, especially if you like Japanese food and Japanese stuff in general like I do. So far, I have been pretty fascinated with the toilets here among other things. They seem to have three kinds, the most of incredible of which is the one above. You can stand over it to pee or you can crouch down and do whatever else you might have planned. So far I haven’t had the opportunity to really swing for the fences with this kind but I am hoping things time up just right so I can tell you all about it really soon. A couple more hot coffees in a can and I should be in business.
Another kind of toilet they have over here is pretty much a standard toilet down low and then completely amazing up top. The water tank doubles as a sink so when you flush the toilet cold water comes out of the faucet so you can wash your hands. The excess water then goes back into the tank to be used for the next flushing. So the whole operation of going to the bathroom and washing your hands uses (I’m guessing) far less water than the primitive separate sink and toilet situation we have going on in the U.S. Every time I use one of these futuristic Japanese toilets, I am embarrassed to be an American and make a mental note to myself to apply for Japanese citizenship immediately. Between this awesome toilet and all the hot chicks, I pretty have no interest in coming home.
WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
The third kind of toilet I have encountered over here is a seemingly pretty standard toilet just like we have in the U.S. This is the kind I have in my hotel room. There is one difference with this one as far as I can tell though- the bowl itself is a bit shallower toward the front. Or maybe the water level is high. I’m not sure really, but it’s one of the two. My point is though, that twice when I have used this toilet for what some call “going #2,” I realized about halfway through the transaction- and much too late- that my privates were actually hanging down below sea level. As a result, each time I had to wash my junk afterwards because it had become, well, soiled. Look, I’m sorry, I just really needed to talk about this. I hope you might still find me attractive in some way. If we just have to be friends now, so be it. But you’re not perfect either!
Aside from having difficulty in the bathroom over here, it has been completely awesome so far. We play our second show in Nagoya tonight. We are gigantically popular over here (not really) and it is awesome. Every five feet or so I get stopped by some young girls who want to pose for a picture with me. I simply can’t get enough of it. The food is really good too. I will tell you all about it and also a whole bunch of other stuff soon.
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