Dec
Posted on 16th December 2008
I guess I am playing right into the hands of the Nokia people by embedding this video here, but seriously- if I could do this I would pretty much be doing it all the time. Occasionally, I would take breaks for banging.
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 15th December 2008
Dec
Posted on 13th December 2008
Attention People of New York City:
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that this Thursday, December 18 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in historic Chelsea, I will be bringing the heat like some kind of heat-bringing motherf#@ker or something in the form of my popular nightclub act the Dave Hill Explosion, now in its third questionable year! Personally, I am pretty excited about it- and I am not just saying that because everyone in attendance will be receiving a complimentary Toblerone (Yes, you read that right), the classiest candy ever made, something that was supposed to be a surprise but when you are sitting here typing in a room packed floor-to-ceiling with free and delicious Toblerone it is not exactly easy to stay quiet about that sort of thing. Anyway, this show is going to be, like, really incredible, so much in fact that it is going to make all previous Explosions look like I was just practicing and also a little bit drunk. I am going to be doing all the usual incredible stuff, some brand new incredible stuff, and also this one thing involving a cadre of live bees and the North American debut of my patented nougat suit that is pretty much guaranteed to land me some serious coverage on the blogs. As if all of that is not enough, I will be joined on Thursday by none other than rock professional A.C. Newman a/k/a Carl Newman of the excellent rock band the New Pornographers as well as another exciting guest whose name shall remain a surprise until it is announced at a later date, at which point the surprise will transform into sexy information that you will want to make sweet, sweet love to in the small hours of the night. And yet you will feel no shame as this is an abstraction and there is no shame in abstraction banging. In fact, it is encouraged. Ask anyone. Should you approach the mystery guest himself in an inappropriate manner, however, you are on your own. However, I will also be joined on Thursday by my bearded sidebitch Phil, whom you are perfectly welcome to approach in any manner you like. Blame it on the Toblerone. You can get tickets right here.
In other, non-Explosion-related news, I am generally opposed to self-promotion in any form. However, recently I was asked by the popular premium cable television network HBO to interview professional boxers Joe Calzaghe and Roy Jones on their channel because I am a sports expert and also an incredible physical specimen that chicks totally want to bang. My interviews with these boxing greats are now available for Internet consumption below. Please watch all five segments right now and force others to do the same or I will cut myself. Here they are.
And as long as this is shaping up to be the longest e-mail ever totally mailed to someone (And hey- you are already on the Internet and stuff so, you know, let us just keep this whole thing going!) I have also been doing video interviews for New York Magazine’s popular website in which I ride around in their elevator and turn the screws on people like Steve Guttenberg, David Rakoff, Chris March, and the lovely Martha Plimpton. You can watch those interviews right here. And you should:
Hurray for love,
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 12th December 2008
My friend Rob sent me this story today about an Italian metal band whose members stabbed their guitar player multiples times because he didn’t play well enough. Now that’s commitment to excellence. Being a rock-n-roller myself and all, I can relate to being frustrated by a fellow band member’s lack of proficiency on their instrument, but I usually just shoot them a dirty look or something and they get the hint. Stabbing though- that’s some serious next level shit right there. Fortunately, the guitar player didn’t die or anything, but there’s still no word as of this writing on whether or not he is officially out of the band. I’m guessing practice this week is cancelled though. And I imagine the guitar player is going to start practicing scales and stuff more from now on. I mean, that’s just common sense.
Dec
Posted on 12th December 2008
Three-legged dogs- seriously, what the F? Before I moved to New York City, I don’t think I had ever seen a three-legged dog before. Here, though, I see them pretty much everywhere. In fact, based on my own experiences of looking at dogs in New York City, I would estimate that roughly one out of every three in this town is totally missing a leg. To their credit, the three-legged dogs don’t seem to mind so much. Personally, I would probably never shut up about it if I were missing a leg. “Wait up! Wait up! I am missing a leg!,” I would totally be saying all the time to all the people I would be trying to keep up with. The question is though, where did the dog legs go? I want some answers.
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 10th December 2008
Feliz Navidad from my boys across the pond, Bishop and Douch. I hope you enjoy it so much.
Dec
Posted on 8th December 2008
It’s Monday and I am still comig down from two days of Exploding in scenic Philadelphia at the Shubin Theatre. The shows were really fun (Thanks to any and all folks who attended!). My guests on Friday were Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Karen Heller, former Bigger Lovers frontman Bret Tobias, and a chihuahua named Zoe. My guests on Saturday were author and filmmaker Bob Levis and musical guest Gemini Wolf (no chihuahua on Saturday). It was fun times all around and all the guests were great. Friday’s show was nice and crowded and Saturday’s was a bit sparsely attended, due in part to the inclement weather and also my general lack of popularity in Philadelphia I’m guessing.
The Explosions aside, other highlights of my trip to Philadelphia included hanging out with my nephew Luke, who is a baby who does baby stuff mostly; seeing a giant mural of Philadelphia hero Dr. J (above, pictured in non-basketball attire), an impressive mural any way you slice it, Dr. J-related or otherwise; eating the fuck out of some dim sum in Chinatown; and picking up a movie called “Don’t Deliver Us From Evil” from an interesting store called Juanita and Juan’s that you should seriously consider stopping into should you find yourself in Philly and in need of an incredible book or movie or if you would just like to see a taxidermied hyena up close and personal (That’s what first got me in the door. “Juanita and Juan’s- come for the stuffed hyena, stay for the French Satanic film from the ‘70’s that you hope might contain nudity!”).
Speaking of the great Juanita and Juan’s store, the guy at the store was telling us how the vegetarian restaurant down the street had recently been converted into a whorehouse (a conversion of this sort, I’m guessing, pretty much entails just stopping serving vegetarian food and starting to serve up whores, but I could be wrong- I have yet to run a vegetarian restaurant or a whorehouse. Someday.), much to the surprise of local vegetarians in search of a good meal at a price that won’t break the bank. Because I am the sort of guy who enjoys chance encounters with whorehouse operators (whores not so much though- I’m classy, real classy), I decided to knock on the door of the former vegetarian restaurant-turned-whorehouse to see how a whorehouse operator might answer the door. In my case, however, they simply didn’t. Next time, next time. I can feel it.
In other news, if you are looking for something to do tonight, come to this fun show I am doing at the Knitting Factory tonight with David Cross, Fred Armisen, Eugene Mirman, Leona Naess, God’s Pottery, Jessi Klein, Nick Diamonds, John Roberts, and many other showbiz greats. You like fun, right? This is an example of that.
Dec
Posted on 5th December 2008
There are a lot of things I love about walking around New York City- looking at buildings, window shopping, looking at crazy people, looking at hot, hot babes, etc. But perhaps my favorite thing of all about walking around this town is overhearing little bits of people’s conversations. I don’t mean eavesdropping, I just mean hearing a sentence or two that on its own and/or taken completely out of context manages stand alone as a near work of art.
For a long time, my top prize in the Best Overheard Conversation in New York City went to the time I heard what appeared to be a twelve year-old boy walking with a few other twelve year-old boys down West 8th street who said to one them, “I just don’t want to be portrayed as a whore.” I have no idea what he could possibly have been talking about, but it was awesome to hear.
Today, however, I may have found a new winner. As I was walking up 8th Avenue this morning, I saw a nanny pushing along a 3 or 4 year-old girl in a stroller when she stopped to talk for a second to a thirtysomething white woman. After a couple seconds, the nanny continued on down the street and the little girl in the stroller looked up at her and asked, “Who was that?”
“That’s your mom,” the nanny smiled.
Pure gold.
In other news, further up 8th Avenue, I passed a man of about 45 with a mohawk. I’m not sure what it is about middle-aged men and mohawks, but it’s stunning how often I see the two of them together. I’m not sure what the cutoff age for having a mohawk should be (five, maybe?), but trust me on this one, old guys- unless your name is Travis Bickle, you might want to reconsider things. I mean, I get it- you’re a former punk rocker who is now working on putting a new commercial director reel together, but seriously- it’s time to get the clippers out again.
That having been said, the mohawk still beats the fauxhawk, perhaps the biggest indicator that a douchebag is approaching that I can think of as of this writing. If you have a fauxhawk and are reading this right now, step away from the computer and go to your nearest barber immediately. We can fix this. And moving forward- since you are clearly a man of questionable judgment- be sure to ask yourself before making any and all grooming and/or fashion decisions “Is this something David Beckham would do?” If the answer is yes, run away as quickly as you can. Glad I could help.
Oh, and one more thing- all you people on the subway who listen to your headphones so loud that I can hear every note of that shitty song your listening to, turn that shit down now before I fucking stab you.
Man, I am fired up today!
Dave Hill
Dec
Posted on 4th December 2008
Hi there. If you live in Philadelphia, you should totally come to one of my Dave Hill Explosions this Friday or Saturday night at the Shubin Theatre in your town. You can get tickets right here. Please come or I will cut myself. Also, there is a lengthy interview with me in which I specifically address the upcoming Philly Explosions and the details surrounding them on the popular Used Wigs website, located right here. Okay, that about covers it. I love Philadelphia and I love you.
Dec
Posted on 4th December 2008
I couldn’t help but notice this chocolate Santa sitting/standing in the window of Li-lac Chocolates, the popular chocolate store in my neighborhood, this morning. This picture doesn’t do him justice, but- trust me on this on- he looked completely delicious. I imagine if I were a kid and I came downstairs on Christmas morning to discover a three-foot tall chocolate Santa staring at me, I would probably have a seizure. Come to think of it, I would probably have a seizure if that happened to me now.
On another note, I think Chocolate Santa would be an awesome name for a band. If you are looking for a name for your new band, you can totally have it. You’re welcome. Just don’t suck though. If you’re going to name your band Chocolate Santa, you better be able to really bring it. I’m counting on you. Chocolate Santa is counting on you.
« Older Entries Newer Entries »
