Mar
Posted on 22nd March 2008
Hi. Remember how I was just talking about the ESPN “Bracketologists” thing I did that was directed by the great Bob Odenkirk? Well, here it is in convenient YouTube format. I hope you like it so much.
Mar
Posted on 20th March 2008
Attention People of New York City:
Hi there. This is Dave. Dave Hill. From before. Anyway, I just wanted to remind you one last time that TONIGHT (Thursday, March 20, 2008 for you calendar buffs) I will be once again be showing up at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Chelsea for what critics are already calling “a triumph of the human spirit,” “a return to innocence,” and “the rapiest $5 show in town.” I am, of course, talking about my reasonably popular one-man chat/variety juggernaut the Dave Hill Explosion. Personally, I am pretty excited about it (I made a poster and everything). In fact, if I think and/or type about it too much, I will probably have a low-grade seizure (which is to say severe enough for people to take the straws out of their mouths, but not severe enough to make everyone get off the rollercoaster), so I should probably just get right into it: there is going to be a donkey at my show (the little kind that is small enough for kids to ride while dressed in western wear but still large enough to comfortably hold up to three average-size and really hammered adults at one time). That having been said, I cannot stress to you enough that under no circumstances should you approach the donkey. It is an irritable donkey with no regard for anyone, even himself at times. In addition to the donkey, my show will also feature such really incredible guests as Ira Glass, host of the popular “This American Life” radio and television programs, and Moby, the popular musician, artist, DJ, and tea magnate. And, of course, my sidebitch Phil will be there in full-force and there is nothing you or I or even the donkey can do to stop him (but to be fair, I would love to see the donkey try). Okay, hope to see you tomorrow. You seem nice. And that shirt goes great with your eyes. Not crazy about the sombrero though. However, I do like that you keep things fun.
Love,
Dave Hill
Mar
Posted on 19th March 2008
Hi. Do you like watching stuff on the Internet? Great- because I am totally in a spot for ESPN somehow concerning college basketball. The spots were directed by the great Bob Odenkirk. I was kind of nervous to work with someone I admire so much but of course Bob was super nice and never at any time did he pelt me with any objects or even swear at me or anything. He is a pro. Anyway, click here and then click on “The Sponge.” That’s me. I hope you like it so much. That hoodie is not mine but I kind of liked it. I will write more later and tell you some wild stories from the set that day. There were pancakes for example.
Mar
Posted on 18th March 2008
Maybe you’ve seen this before (as it is popular on the Internet apparently), but I had never seen it until today when my cousin Kieran sent it to me. It’s pretty great in, like, a bunch of ways. You should totally watch it.
Mar
Posted on 15th March 2008
Here’s a photo taken by Beowulf Sheehan backstage after my last Dave Hill Explosion show at the UCB Theatre with excellent guests Bob Mould and Amy Sedaris. It was a really fun night and now I’ve got the pictures to prove it, dammit. Thanks to Beowulf for the great shots (I’ll post more later)- he’s an excellent photographer and I am honored he is willing to point that thing at me (I am referring to the camera device, not, you know, his weiner. Is that how you spell weiner? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s wiener. You’d think I would have just looked it up by now).
Speaking of Bob Mould, my brother and I had a chance to check him out with his band at Irving Plaza the other night and he was awesome. He played songs spanning his entire career from as far back as Husker Du’s legendary “Zen Arcade” album and on up to his great new album “District Line.” Lots of Sugar stuff too. I’ve been seeing Bob play since I was a teenager and he is great every time. If you get a chance to see Bob and his band, be sure to check that shit out. You will be schooled in the ways of rock and you will be loving it.
In other news, a quick update on my Dave Hill Explosion show this Thursday, March 20, at the UCB Theatre. My guests for the evening will now be Ira Glass (host of NPR’s “This American Life”), Moby, and Touching You. It’s gonna be loco. You can reserve tickets at no advance cost to you or your loved ones right here. I mean, hey, why not? You like fun, right? Plus you will see this guy:
I am not yet sure whether he is bringing the helmet or not.
Okay, it is Saturday. I’ve got to go show up for life! Actually, I will probably just go get some coffee and start to figure out the rest shortly after that. Putting on pants is half the battle. The rest is getting the hair right and then maybe picking up some snacks. There might be some other stuff too. Seriously though, don’t skimp on the haircare. You’ll thank me later.
Mar
Posted on 14th March 2008
Mar
Posted on 12th March 2008
Attention People of New York City:
Hello. Hi. How are you? I am pretty good mostly. Thank you so much for asking. I am writing to you today to humbly request the honor of your presence at my next public display of all kinds of sh*t that most people cannot even handle, a/k/a The Dave Hill Explosion (the little show that could and still totally does like a motherf#@ker), which is totally going to happen on Thursday, March 20 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea. I know what you are thinking- “March 20? Isn’t that the same day in 1739 that Nadir Shah occupied Delhi, sacked the city, and stole the jewels of the Peacock Throne? And isn’t that also the same day that the ‘Great Fire’ of Boston destroyed 350 buildings in 1759 or that an earthquake completely decimated all of Mendoza, a city in western Argentina, in 1861? Why would Dave dare take the stage on such a day of infamy? Isn’t that a little, I dunno, disrespectful?” And to that I say Why you gotta be all negative? March 20 just so happens to also be the day that Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin was published in 1852. And on that same day in 1914, the first ever international figure skating championships took place in New Haven, Connecticut. And- oh yeah- two years later on that day some guy named Albert Einstein pubished a little something he liked to call “the general theory of relativity.” But yeah, you’re right, let’s focus on all your sh*t instead, you frickin’ downer, because God forbid we look at the bright side once in a while! Then you might have to start dressing in bright colors or stop writing those stupid poems of yours about “the human condition” or maybe say more than two words to your parents at Thanksgiving this year and we certainly do not want any of that! Whatevs. Oh, and by the way- the “Great Fire” of Boston wasn’t until 1760 and it only destroyed 349 buildings, not 350, you d*ck! Anyway, I really hope you can make it to my show because it is going to be a lot fun. I am going to be embracing the spirit of positivity, interviewing some incredible guests (Ira Glass, host of the great “This American Life” program on National Public Radio, is one. Futuristic musical act Touching You is the other. I am thinking about having Eliot Spitzer on the show too. Ha! That is a topical joke referencing the recent news about how the Governor of New York pays for sex. Eliot Spitzer is referring to the incident as a “private matter.” Yeah, his privates maybe! Man, I am on today! Okay, one more- um, Eliot Spitzer’s staff is from now on going to think twice when he asks them to “take a look at his briefs.” Ha! That is a play on words which sort of compares a document of some kind to Eliot Spitzer’s undergarments. It is almost as if I have OD’ed on genius pills or something), and also maybe taking my shirt off. As if all of that is not enough, my man Phil will be there regulating and possibly even perpetrating (not sure yet). All of this and slightly more for just five bucks, about the price of a cup of coffee and maybe a scone.* You are welcome. If you would like to reserve tickets in advance at no cost to you or your loved ones (pay when you get there, dude), you can do that right Dave Hill
Mar
Posted on 6th March 2008
Last night marked the end of the first season of my heroic comeback to old men’s league hockey as the team I play on, the King Williams (it is my understanding the team is named after a king of some sort who was named William but now is probably dead), played our last game of what some are calling a “rebuilding season.” We played our hearts and groins out last night and almost even served up a victory (to ourselves), but in the end we lost to the team with purple jerseys 4-3 in a battle that is still being referred to by some as “that time we lost to the team with the purple jerseys.”
Today I am feeling a little tired and sore and have entered a brief (I am expecting this to go on for about the next fifteen minutes or so) period of reflection over my comeback season as well as my future on the ice. It was an admittedly tough season for me. At first I thought it was my skating that was the problem. Then I started to think it was my stickhandling that was the problem. As of this writing, however, it is my sense that it is both my skating and stickhandling- together- that form the problem. Despite having played hockey throughout much of my youth, I am no longer at the peak of my powers and would guess that I am now maybe as good as I was when I was twelve years old, a time when I feel I was “just starting to get the hang of it.” I was at the top of my game between the ages of 16-18 and then it has pretty much been all downhill from there. Still, I am determined to come back strong next year and maybe even the year after that depending on what programs are on TV then. If everything goes as planned, by then I will seriously be giving the fourteen year-old me a run for his money. And I am certain I have better hair now, so there’s that too.
Anyway, it is hard not to wonder whether Wayne Gretzky, arguably the greatest hockey player in the history of the game, ever got this way. Sure, mine and his contribution to the game have been slightly different, but still hopefully you see my point. Wayne Gretzky now has a Wayne Gretzky-themed restaurant of his very own in Toronto, serving a menu of delicious food items inspired by the Great One himself and suitable for the whole family, even kids who are too young to remember Gretzky’s rise to pro hockey dominance in the early ‘80’s. I feel if I practice with a tennis ball over the summer, I could have all of this too maybe. Or maybe not. But I do enjoy Wayne Gretzky-themed food. I’ve had it and it’s delicious. A bit bland at times maybe, but you can always ask for hot sauce. The waitstaff there is friendly and helpful.
Okay, I have to go sit in the tub for a bit.
Mar
Posted on 5th March 2008
Because I am both shameless and attention-starved, I wanted to mention that I was mentioned in a mention in the current issue of New York Magazine in their “Best of New York” issue. In their mention of the popular and excellent comedy show “Tearing the Veil of Maya” at Union Hall as the “Best Indie Comedy Night,” I am totally mentioned as a “scene favorite.” I don’t know about me being a “scene favorite” or not (that is not for me, Dave Hill, to say), but I am still totally going to mention it to my parents should the need to borrow money arise anytime soon. Or maybe I will just mention it to them anyway. I will mention my mention in a mention to them. Anyway, you can read the mention where I am mentioned here or you could just keep looking down and read it. It goes a little something like this:
“Best Indie-Comedy Night:
Tearing the Veil of Maya
Union Hall, 702 Union St., nr. Fifth Ave., Park Slope; 718-638-4400
Every Sunday at 8 p.m., perennially almost-huge local talents Eugene Mirman and Michael Showalter draw a standing-room-only crowd to the basement of Union Hall, where the pair host their favorite stand-up performers in what’s quickly become the city’s hottest alt-comedy ticket. Local scene favorites (Aziz Ansari, Dave Hill, Greg Johnson, Chelsea Peretti) take the stage alongside bigger names (David Cross, Sarah Silverman), though you might not know it beforehand: They’re most often billed only as the week’s “special guests.” Luckily, the hosts’ finely tuned funny bones are unbeatable insurance that you won’t go home disappointed; and with a modest $7 entrance fee, the hour-and-a-half affair will cost you less than a cocktail at one of the city’s overblown big-box clubs.”
Okay, so there is that. In other news, here’s a good Cheap Trick video. Sexual innuendo, multiple-necked guitars, a rotary pay phone- this video pretty much has everything. I hope you enjoy it so much:
Mar
Posted on 3rd March 2008
I don’t like to make a habit of making fun of celebrities- after all, they’re celebrities so they deserve our respect. And being a Z-list celebrity myself, it would really be a no-no to go after my peers like that. Even so, I’ve been noticing lately that some high-profile celebrities have some pretty crappy websites considering, you know, how high-profile they are and I felt like it was time I said something. The hope, of course, is that they or maybe one of their handlers will read this and maybe step it up in the HTML department or something. My work here is positive.
The first crappy celebrity website I ever noticed was that of Wayne Newton a/k/a Mr. Las Vegas. To his credit, however, since I first discovered Wayne’s really crappy website, he has undergone a total redesign and now has a website (almost) worthy of the man himself. I still think he should rethink his merchandise offerings though (Wayne Newton in front of an American flag? Sorry, Wayne, you’re not running for county recorder here- you’re goddamn Mr. Las Vegas! Step it up! Your fans- myself included- deserve more. Also, I realize you’re probably just catering to your demographic, but shirts should be available in sizes other than XL and XXL. Sure, some of your fans have had a few too many passes by the Old Country Buffet, but shouldn’t you at least give them something to shoot for? Dangle a large out there in front of them! Hell, some of them are probably just stomach staple away from a medium even. Come on, Wayne- make ‘em want it! You’ve made yourself the best you can be- which is pretty awesome in my opinion- shouldn’t your fans do the same? My answer to that question is yes).
I’ve discovered some other crappy celebrity websites recently, but today I would specifically like to highlight that of John Travolta, awesomely located at Travolta.com. Aside from the awesome web address, John really needs to rethink this one. First of all, the photo on the splash page (the opening page, for you web laymen) features a photo of John looking like he’s about to do a screen test for “Top Gun.” I get it, John- you’re a pilot, you fly planes. But couldn’t you have at least gone a little easier on the lip gloss? You’re setting the wrong example! And for God’s sake, look into the lense!
Once you get inside Travolta.com, however, that’s where the real trouble starts. If this were 1998, this would be a highly impressive website. This is 2008, however, dammit. John, you’ve got the entire Church of Scientology on your side- you don’t have to have your nephew or whoever designed this do your website. And how about using some more recent photos? We know you’re chunky these days. We’re comfortable with it. So go with it! Lose that circa 1998 photo of you poking through the “dot” in Travolta.com and replace is with a circa now photo of you eating a deluxe pizza entirely by yourself. It’s what we all want, John. Don’t lie to me! And- more importantly- don’t lie to yourself!
Alright, I’ve already said way too much on this topic. I feel like I’ve turned into Frangela or something. I’m just gonna let it go for now. But seriously, go to Travolta.com and see what I’m talking about. As for me, I’m gonna head over to RipTaylor.com and see how someone does it right.
