May
Posted on 2nd May 2007
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that this coming Monday (which ends up being May 7, 2007), a television show starring me and my friend Phil Costello (in the role of “Phil”) called “The King of Miami with Dave Hill” is totally going to be on television for the very first time at 9:30pm on the futuristic new television network Mojo, which comes to you in the futuristic high-definition television format (which is really, really something and even sometimes overwhelming). If you ever see those bus and taxi ads for the television version of the Howard Stern Show, Mojo is the channel that that show is totally on. There- I have put it in perspective for you (and also hopefully given more legitimacy to me and my television program by putting both in context with someone much more famous than me. This kind of insecurity is not uncommon in my industry, which is the industry of show business). Also, it has come to my attention that I myself am on one of those taxi ads as I type this, which makes me really want to run out and get in one of those taxis. Then- just when the driver has gone a few blocks- I will lean forward and say “Alright, let’s just get this out of the way- yes, it’s me. I know this must be kind of weird for you. Just do your best to keep your eyes on the road. If you would like, I could just come sit up front. I know I would feel safer…” As it turns out, I am also on phone booths and shit too. For example:
That is crazy. Maybe now my parents will stop yelling at me to get a job and stuff.
Anyway, if you have high-definition cable television in your home (It is my understanding this is required to get the Mojo channel.), then I would encourage you to watch my program, of which there are six different mind-bending episodes that will hopefully air repeatedly to the point where you maybe wonder whether there is ever anything else on the channel. I personally do not have high-definition cable television in my home, so I also encourage you to welcome me into your home to watch along with you. We can sit there and laugh and point at the screen every time I am on it (which is most of the time, per my contract) and then afterwards I will dazzle you with wild behind-the-scenes tales from the making of my incredible television show (There is this one about a mixed-up coffee order that I can barely get through sometimes because it is so hilarious in its retelling). Then we will laugh and eat and drink some more (Nothing fancy- I am easy. TV Dave likes all the same stuff that regular Dave used to like, just more of it.) and then at some point I will announce my exit and you will walk me to the door even though I insist that you not get up. After we have said our goodbyes, you will close the door behind me and marvel to yourself and/or your roommate and/or significant other and/or the night about how I am still the same old great guy I always was even though I now have my own television program and could probably be hanging out with people far more famous than you but I choose not to because it simply is not about that for me. Besides- summer is just around the corner and I will be Hamptons-ing it up in no time, so what do I care? But enough about me. I really hope YOU get the chance to watch my show next week. In the meantime, why not watch the futuristic music video my friend and co-star (but- to be fair- I am on the show a LOT more than he is. Even he will tell you this. It cannot be debated.) Phil and I made to help promote our incredible television program? I hope you enjoy it cuz here it is again, dammit:
Oh yeah, you can also watch clips of “The King of Miami” at the futuristic website of Mojo (the futuristic network referenced earlier) located at here.
Okay then, thank you for your time. Who is the best? You!
Your man,
Dave Hill AKA the King of Miami AKA the star of the television program of the same name
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