May
Posted on 10th May 2007
Normally I don’t like to get all Carl Monday on people’s asses but- dammit- there is bullshit afoot and I must expose it. Here’s the story:
About a year ago, I walked into one of those Vital Dent places they have all over Manhattan. Unlike most dental offices, they operate out of storefronts and take walk-in customers. They offer a free check-up and cleaning with your first visit and then if you need more stuff done you have to pay for it. Since I hadn’t been to the dentist in about five years at this point (I am a disgusting and negligent person) and didn’t yet have a dentist in New York City, I figured walking into Vital Dent might be a good idea. I could get a free cleaning and figure out what other crazy shit might be going on. It was gonna be sweet.
The people at Vital Dent seemed nice and stuff. They checked out my teeth and X-rayed them and stuff and I was having a generally nice time. The bad news came when the dentist finally came in and told me they found six cavities that would need to be filled at a cost of about $1600. Also, since my teeth were so dirty, they refused to do the free cleaning because it wouldn’t really help much. Since I was broke at the time, I just left and figured I’d get the cavities fixed someday when I had some more loot.
Yesterday (approximately a year after my visit to Vital Dent) I decided to finally visit a dentist again. This time I went to my friend Chris’ dentist on Washington Square Park. I figured it was gonna be a bad day since I knew I had at least six cavities going for me already and probably more since another year had passed and all. The hygienist X-Rayed my teeth and cleaned them. It was a relatively painless process aside from gagging a couple times on those weird things you have to hold in your mouth during the X-Ray taking. Also, interestingly she told me that my teeth were in pretty good shape even though it had been so long since I’d had my teeth cleaned.
After the hygienist finished working her magic, the dentist came in and said “Well, I didn’t find anything.” I waited for him to finish that sentence with “except for twelve cavities” but he didn’t so I was all like “But what about the six cavities Vital Dent said I had?” He assured me that I had no cavities and laughed at the mention of Vital Dent, explaining that Vital Dent makes their money by filling cavities that don’t exist.
So I guess the moral of the story is that the Vital Dent people are lying liars who prey upon people like me who don’t know any better (actually maybe that’s not so much a moral but just what happened). Fortunately I was broke at the time and didn’t let them fill my fake cavities. I guess what I am trying to say is that Vital Dent can suck it. Motherfuckers trying to take Dave Hill’s money and shit. They better watch it or I might kick them in the nuts and then bite them with my healthy teeth. Fuckers are going down.
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