Greetings from Cleveland
I am in Cleveland as I type this, hanging out for the holidays with my family. So far I have been mostly just sitting around and talking and eating stuff with my family, which is I guess what most folks do this time of year with the exception of probably a lot of people. Last night, I ate a hamburger with pulled pork piled on top of it, something I never thought possible but I swear it happened. I feel like I have been putting on weight, which has greatly affected my crimesolving skills. So far I have solved almost no crimes during this visit, though I have happened upon a few clues I can’t discuss as of this writing as it will compromise my abilities to solve crimes, something I am really good at.
On the eating front (and in case you think this is not important for you to read- you are wrong), I have eaten at a Mexican restaurant, an Italian restaurant, and a Turkish restaurant with my father. My dad is on the hunt for some sort of dessert item that he thinks is some sort of flan (the popular Mexican, custard-based dessert) but is more cake-like in nature. I keep telling him that the cake-like aspect of the dessert in question disqualifies it from being flan. Apparently he had this elusive dessert item at a bakery in the Bronx a few years ago that has since burned to the ground and he has been on the hunt ever since, left to his own devices as a result of the burned down bakery being of little to no help to him at this point. As a result, we have been trying to go to restaurants of every ethnicity possible in search of this mysterious dessert the he insists is a member of the flan family even though I keep telling him flan is an island and it walks alone like a fugitive on the run, rarely sleeping and trusting no one. Last night, we had a breakthrough in that my brother says the the bakery my dad had the dessert in question was Serbian, leading us to believe that the dessert that my dad really wants is Serbian in nature. The difficulty now is finding another Serbian bakery or a Serbian restaurant to go try and find this dessert that has been confounding us all this time. If you are someone you know can help me and my dad figure out what the hell kind of dessert he is talking about, please call the helpline or write to me care of this Internet website so he will finally shut up about this. Also, I kind of want to try this dessert now too.
In other news of great importance, I got a lot of wonderful things for the popular Christmas holiday this year, including but not limited to a pair of hot sauce-based pants. The hot sauce in question is Tabasco, which I consider to be the Wayne Gretzky of all hot sauces. It’s not the hottest or anything, but you can’t deny it’s place in the world as the #1 hot sauce of all-time. The hot sauce pants in question (picture above- apologies for the crotch shot. I wasn’t sure how else to photograph them), were given to me by my nephew Blake, who had the good sense to see these on the racks at some clothing store and think “Yeah, Uncle David would really like these.” And he was right. Additional thanks goes to the executives at Tabasco who one day must have thought to themselves “If we put the Tabasco logo and also some hot peppers on a pair of pants that someone can sleep in or wear around the house on a lazy day or maybe even go to the store and hope that no one notices there is a flap in the front of their pants through which they can easily access their privates that would be good, right?” It’s that sort of thinking that gets you a high-profile job at the world’s #1 hot sauce company in the first place. I salute them as well as their assistants and also Don in accounting.
Today is Sunday and I have plotted no bold moves so far other than maybe changing out of these hot sauce pants at some point and putting on some other pair of pants that are less likely to allow my dingle-dangle to make an unexpected appearance around town. I will keep you posted on this and other important matters in the extremely near future.
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