Jul
Posted on 13th July 2009
As rumored on the Internet, this past Thursday I performed my first ever comedy show at a maximum security prison, Sing Sing to be exact, which is a popular prison located in Ossining, New York and home to over 1700 inmates, most of whom are violent felons it turns out. As prisons go, it is about as tough and scary as they come. Still, I must say I had a really great time. They even had donuts. I didn’t have a donut but it was nice to know I could have had a donut if I had wanted a donut.
That is the flyer the prison made for my big show at Sing Sing above. They made a rule that you had to have “one year clean disciplinary” to attend, which I think put a crunch on the numbers I maybe could have pulled in since inmates tend to be a rowdy bunch as I understand it and getting one year clean discplinary is maybe not all that easy when it gets right down to it. Even so, there were about 250 inmates and also some of the prison guards and staff (including the superintendent or “warden,” who is in charge of the whole place!) there to perform what could have been my last show ever if those in attendance maybe didn’t like it so much. Instead of having a riot, however, we had a laugh riot! (See how I did that?)
My friends Clark Caldwell, Carl Arnheiter, and Laura Krafft were with me too. Clark helped with the audio visuals and Carl and Laura did really funny bits on the show. They all had a really great time too except for Laura because she is a pretty girl and sometimes a maximum security prison full of violent felons just isn’t the best place for a woman to be no matter how much it might have seemed like a good idea on the ride there. The inmates miss a woman’s touch and- as a result- sometimes might look at a woman like she is a big turkey drumstick or pork chop like in the cartoons when that happens. Laura got a little scared during her set and afterwards a prison guard said to her “You know why you got scared? Because there are murderers and rapists out there!” I feel really bad that Laura had a not so good time in prison, but I got a really big kick out of what the prison guard said to her. He really put things in perspective.
Aside from Laura not having a really good time in prison, our trip to Sing Sing was about as wonderful as I could have ever hoped. I hate to admit it, but I was a little terrified about the whole thing in the days leading up to the show, but by the time the whole thing was done, I was feeling warm and fuzzy all over. All the inmates were really nice and appreciative and made me feel right at home in prison with them. After a while, I no longer saw them as convicted felons, but as totally regular guys who all just happen to have the same taste in clothes. They even gave me a standing ovation at the end and when we walked out of the prison and back to our car at the end of the night, they were all clapping and calling my name and thanking me for totally coming to their prison and having a really nice time with them for a few hours. I can’t wait to go back to prison.
My new inmate friends can’t use the Internet so they won’t be able to read this unfortunately (at least not for a few years at least, depending on behavior). But if they could, I would probably end it with a big shout out to them and maybe an inside joke of some sort that only us guys who know what it’s like in the big house would understand. Most likely, I would mention something about a fifi and all the guys would know what I was talking about. And then we would just laugh and laugh.
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