Hi there. You like fun, right? Okay then, you should totally come to this thing I am hosting next week under the Brooklyn Bridge called “Union Hall Presents Music At The Bridge,” which- as hinted in the name- is a night of music presented to you by the fine folks at Union Hall and featuring hot rock music from the French Kicks, Headlights, Tiny Masters of Today, and Union Hall Secret Science Club. And then I am totally going to be hosting the whole thing. I like how they call me “MC Dave Hill” on the flyer above. It makes me sounds like a rapper who might shoot someone or something. Anyway, you should totally come if you can. It is all going to happen under a bridge. And I won’t shoot you. You seem too nice for that.

Dave Hill

Hi there. You like fun, right? Okay then, you should totally come to this thing I am hosting next week under the Brooklyn Bridge called “Union Hall Presents Music At The Bridge,” which- as hinted in the name- is a night of music presented to you by the fine folks at Union Hall and featuring hot rock music from the French Kicks, Headlights, Tiny Masters of Today, and Union Hall Secret Science Club. And then I am totally going to be hosting the whole thing. I like how they call me “MC Dave Hill” on the flyer above. It makes me sounds like a rapper who might shoot someone or something. Anyway, you should totally come if you can. It is all going to happen under a bridge. And I won’t shoot you. You seem too nice for that.

Dave Hill

Today I write to you from scenic Los Angeles, Home of the Stars, where I have just arrived after a few days at Comic Con 2008 in San Diego, which is south of here. I never thought I’d ever be able to say this, but this was actually my fourth Comic Con (two in New York, two in San Diego). This time around, I was doing some video stuff for MSN, the popular Internet portal. You can see some of the videos I did here. I hope you like them so much. Seriously, go watch them now or I will cut myself.

I was pretty busy running around and shooting stuff most of the time at Comic Con, but I did get to check out a bunch of cool and/or scary stuff and even got to meet Frank Kozik, one of my favorite artists, whom you might know from his popular rock poster art and stuff. I also bought a little book of Ghana movie posters and also a small plastic bear, pictured above (that is not the actual bear I bought, but I swear to you mine totally looks just like it). Sometimes I just love to part with my money. Plus, chicks really dig grown men with toys all over their apartment (NOTE: To be fair, I don’t really have that many. Actually, I think I have a highly bangable balance of totally grown up stuff and kinda/sort manchild stuff in my apartment. Phew- glad I got that out of the way).

Another highlight of my visit to Comic Con was meeting Catblue Dynamite (or rather a girl from Tokyo dressed as the popular anime character). She didn’t speak much English, but I am pretty sure we were crazy about each other. I guess I’ll never really know for sure. That is a video of her dancing above that I found on the Internet. I’m not really sure why the person who shot it held their camera sideways. It is messing with my head, like, for real.

Okay, I am off to do something or another right now. I will totally give you a full update soon. It is going to be incredible.

Dave Hill

Today I write to you from scenic Los Angeles, Home of the Stars, where I have just arrived after a few days at Comic Con 2008 in San Diego, which is south of here. I never thought I’d ever be able to say this, but this was actually my fourth Comic Con (two in New York, two in San Diego). This time around, I was doing some video stuff for MSN, the popular Internet portal. You can see some of the videos I did here. I hope you like them so much. Seriously, go watch them now or I will cut myself.

I was pretty busy running around and shooting stuff most of the time at Comic Con, but I did get to check out a bunch of cool and/or scary stuff and even got to meet Frank Kozik, one of my favorite artists, whom you might know from his popular rock poster art and stuff. I also bought a little book of Ghana movie posters and also a small plastic bear, pictured above (that is not the actual bear I bought, but I swear to you mine totally looks just like it). Sometimes I just love to part with my money. Plus, chicks really dig grown men with toys all over their apartment (NOTE: To be fair, I don’t really have that many. Actually, I think I have a highly bangable balance of totally grown up stuff and kinda/sort manchild stuff in my apartment. Phew- glad I got that out of the way).

Another highlight of my visit to Comic Con was meeting Catblue Dynamite (or rather a girl from Tokyo dressed as the popular anime character). She didn’t speak much English, but I am pretty sure we were crazy about each other. I guess I’ll never really know for sure. That is a video of her dancing above that I found on the Internet. I’m not really sure why the person who shot it held their camera sideways. It is messing with my head, like, for real.

Okay, I am off to do something or another right now. I will totally give you a full update soon. It is going to be incredible.

Dave Hill

I just got word that the goverment health people have figured out that you should totally not eat jalapeno peppers for a while unless you totally want to die from salmonella. Yeah- no thanks! Still this news doesn’t come easy for me, a guy who likes to make things Mexcellent as often as possible and only very recently discovered the jalapeno popper. I mean, sure, I can bring it down for a few days but I really hope they get everything sorted out pronto so I can get the year-long Cinco de Mayo party that I like to keep going in my mouth up and running again.

In other news, last night my incredible rock band Valley Lodge played a private corporate event (since we are rock-n-roll whores) at the Hard Rock Cafe over there in Times Square. It’s a little far north for rockers like us to be playing but with the promise of a little cash and an all-you-can-eat buffet, we were all over that shit. The show was a lot of fun. We were totally rocking people and they were like “Oh, man!” and stuff. The show was in a room called the New York room. After a couple hours I finally put it together that that’s why all the guitars and pictures and clothes and stuff on the walls in that room were from New York musicians. I am like a detective sometimes.

In other news, last week’s Explosion ended up being pretty explosive. That is a picture from the show above, take by the great Beowulf Sheehan. My guests Martha Plimpton and Lucy Wainwright Roche were awesome and Phil rocked “Night Shark” at the end, which was pretty unstoppable. There were even celebrities in the audience, which is always the true test of whether something was really worth leaving the house for if you ask me (I am a shallow person).

Okay, I’m off to go work on my killer abs.

Dave Hill

I just got word that the goverment health people have figured out that you should totally not eat jalapeno peppers for a while unless you totally want to die from salmonella. Yeah- no thanks! Still this news doesn’t come easy for me, a guy who likes to make things Mexcellent as often as possible and only very recently discovered the jalapeno popper. I mean, sure, I can bring it down for a few days but I really hope they get everything sorted out pronto so I can get the year-long Cinco de Mayo party that I like to keep going in my mouth up and running again.

In other news, last night my incredible rock band Valley Lodge played a private corporate event (since we are rock-n-roll whores) at the Hard Rock Cafe over there in Times Square. It’s a little far north for rockers like us to be playing but with the promise of a little cash and an all-you-can-eat buffet, we were all over that shit. The show was a lot of fun. We were totally rocking people and they were like “Oh, man!” and stuff. The show was in a room called the New York room. After a couple hours I finally put it together that that’s why all the guitars and pictures and clothes and stuff on the walls in that room were from New York musicians. I am like a detective sometimes.

In other news, last week’s Explosion ended up being pretty explosive. That is a picture from the show above, take by the great Beowulf Sheehan. My guests Martha Plimpton and Lucy Wainwright Roche were awesome and Phil rocked “Night Shark” at the end, which was pretty unstoppable. There were even celebrities in the audience, which is always the true test of whether something was really worth leaving the house for if you ask me (I am a shallow person).

Okay, I’m off to go work on my killer abs.

Dave Hill

Attention People of New York City:

Hello. This your man Dave Hill again. From before. Anyway, remember how a few days ago I was totally pestering you about coming to my popular nightclub act, known in the trade as The Dave Hill Explosion? Well, I am totally doing it again, which leads me to my next point- TOMORROW night, which is to say July 17, 2008 at 9:30pm, I am going to be stepping out onto the stage of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea and really swinging for the fences, something baseball fans might recognize as a baseball reference. But let’s back it up a bit. July 17th- kind of rings a bell, doesn’t it? And why not? After all, it’s the same day that Catherine II (or Catherine the Great as she was known on T-shirts and all other official despot-related merchandise at the time) became tzar of Russia upon the accidental murder of her husband Peter III of Russia in 1762, something I have been calling bullsh*t on for, like, a seriously long time. F@#kin’ despots- they act like they totally run the place or something! Whatevs. Anyway, I really hope you can come to my show tomorrow. It pretty much has everything- talking, singing, dancing, fire, knives, clapping, bees, snacks, partial nudity, tears, and also a couple short films I have made in my spare time. As if all of that is not enough, I will also be joined tomorrow by human ray of sunshine Martha Plimpton and Lucy Wainwright Roche, the folk assassin. And, of course, the bearded one, Phil, will be there too, vocalizin’, socializin’, and generally creeping everybody out. You should totally come- if not for all the just plain electric stuff I just mentioned, then definitely to celebrate the birthday of Russian mathematician Sergei K. Godunuv, who proved that “linear numerical schemes for solving partial differential equations, having the property of not generating new extrema, can be at most first-order accurate,” called it Godunov’s theorem, and then would pretty much not shut about it. You can get tickets to my show right here.

Your man,
Dave Hill

Attention People of New York City:

Hello. This your man Dave Hill again. From before. Anyway, remember how a few days ago I was totally pestering you about coming to my popular nightclub act, known in the trade as The Dave Hill Explosion? Well, I am totally doing it again, which leads me to my next point- TOMORROW night, which is to say July 17, 2008 at 9:30pm, I am going to be stepping out onto the stage of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in Chelsea and really swinging for the fences, something baseball fans might recognize as a baseball reference. But let’s back it up a bit. July 17th- kind of rings a bell, doesn’t it? And why not? After all, it’s the same day that Catherine II (or Catherine the Great as she was known on T-shirts and all other official despot-related merchandise at the time) became tzar of Russia upon the accidental murder of her husband Peter III of Russia in 1762, something I have been calling bullsh*t on for, like, a seriously long time. F@#kin’ despots- they act like they totally run the place or something! Whatevs. Anyway, I really hope you can come to my show tomorrow. It pretty much has everything- talking, singing, dancing, fire, knives, clapping, bees, snacks, partial nudity, tears, and also a couple short films I have made in my spare time. As if all of that is not enough, I will also be joined tomorrow by human ray of sunshine Martha Plimpton and Lucy Wainwright Roche, the folk assassin. And, of course, the bearded one, Phil, will be there too, vocalizin’, socializin’, and generally creeping everybody out. You should totally come- if not for all the just plain electric stuff I just mentioned, then definitely to celebrate the birthday of Russian mathematician Sergei K. Godunuv, who proved that “linear numerical schemes for solving partial differential equations, having the property of not generating new extrema, can be at most first-order accurate,” called it Godunov’s theorem, and then would pretty much not shut about it. You can get tickets to my show right here.

Your man,
Dave Hill

Over the years, I have come up with a number of futuristic and largely stupid ideas, usually under the influence alcohol, boredom, or some combination of both. Back in about 1991 (friends can back me up on this because I wouldn’t shut up about it most nights), I had an idea for a business called “Rent-a-pup,” which- as the name suggests- would be a dog rental service. I had it all figured out- you could rent different dogs at different prices. For example, you could get two Terriers for the price of one Golden Retriever, hourly rates with discounts on 24-hour rentals, mutts priced to move, etc. Everyone laughed at me and my idea, including me since I was (pretty much) kidding. And then it happened- someone actually opened a business just like the one I was describing. And, of course, it happened in Japan, since they are way ahead of us over there. And now, all these years later, dog rental businesses are opening here in the states, like this one, for example. Needless to say, I am both kicking myself and patting myself on the back for- at least in my mind anyway- coming up with the idea first (and doing absolutely nothing about it).

This morning, I discovered another one of my breakthrough ideas come to fruition. Years ago- probably even back in the ‘80s- I would tell anyone who would listen (not many people, as I was young and- according to some- weird) about my idea for bottled tap water, so people could have tap water from whatever city they’d like whenever they want. This morning in the grocery store I saw a product called TAP NY, which- according to the label was purified New York City tap water, something I found slightly confusing as- up until this point- I had been under the impression that New York City tap water was already purified New York City tap water. I can’t find their website, but I swear this product exists and I am not drunk yet today.

Anyway, my point is this- I am from the future. Well, no, not really. But I am happy to take credit for coming up with really dumb ideas (though- to be fair- the dog rental thing, while cruel in some and/or many ways, is kind of brilliant), way ahead of everyone else. Then again, I’m sure somewhere some kid is telling his friends about an idea he has for edible staplers or something and is thinking the exact same thing about himself. Hey, maybe we’re not so different after all.

In other news, I went to pick up some dry cleaning this morning and- as usual- was delighted to be called “Davis” by the people who run the store. When I first started going there, they somehow got my name wrong. I am guessing I was either mumbling or perhaps I introduced myself using the awkward and possibly English-as-a-second-language sentence structure “Dave is my name.” Anyway, the name stuck and I kind of like it better than my real name, so I have never corrected them. This way, whenever I remove the little pink tags they put on freshly dry-cleaned shirts and stuff, I get a little tickled seeing my new nickname. It’s the little things in life.

Okay, I am off to rent an irritable Rottweiller, priced to move. Or maybe I will just stick my head in the oven (Do people still do that? Not sure if it works with an electric stove).

Dave Hill

I’ve posted some of these here before, but Pee-wee Herman’s appearances on Letterman in the ’80s are some of my favorite things to watch, like, ever. Most of the clips have been taken down from YouTube for whatever reason, but here is a pretty good one that’s still up. That Pee-wee- all these years later and it still never gets old to me. I remember when Pee-wee’s Playhouse was on when I was a kid and I would set my alarm on Saturday mornings so I wouldn’t miss it. Now I have a bunch of the episodes on DVD so I can totally make it Saturday morning whenever I want. And even better- I can totally eat as much Cocoa Puffs as I want now and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me! Man, it’s awesome being a grown up.

Dave Hill