Given my love of Norwegian Black Metal and all, my friends Matt and Dale both e-mailed me today about this new photography book by excellent Brooklyn photographer Peter Beste. I already own a poster of the photo above that hangs over me as I type this (I actually had to buy a proper upright cross to hang in my apartment to offset the pure blackness this poster is kicking out without even trying) and I’m really excited to own this book once it comes out next week. Lest we forget, however, long before this book or Metalocalypse or anything else really, I was still already the King of Black Metal. And you know what? I’m still schooling motherfuckers on that shit.

Dave Hill

Given my love of Norwegian Black Metal and all, my friends Matt and Dale both e-mailed me today about this new photography book by excellent Brooklyn photographer Peter Beste. I already own a poster of the photo above that hangs over me as I type this (I actually had to buy a proper upright cross to hang in my apartment to offset the pure blackness this poster is kicking out without even trying) and I’m really excited to own this book once it comes out next week. Lest we forget, however, long before this book or Metalocalypse or anything else really, I was still already the King of Black Metal. And you know what? I’m still schooling motherfuckers on that shit.

Dave Hill

My friend Jake sent me this picture of him and his new haircut yesterday. I don’t think it would be right for me really, but I’m really glad he has it. That way I can point at him and stuff. No, I’m just kidding, I won’t point at him (though I was seriously thinking about it for a second). Needless to say though, Jake’s haircut serves as a big kick in the nuts to all those pathetic fauxhawks still out there.

Giving things a historical perspective, Jake has pointed out to me that his haircut is inspired by that of professional wrestler Road Warrior Hawk (above, but I’m guessing you figured that one out on your own). Beware of men in tights, especially this one. He seems irritable.

And in keeping with this theme of shirtless men with sometimes questionable judgment, thanks to my friends at Shelf Life Clothing, I happened upon the above video of Glenn Danzig showing off his book collection or- more specifically- showing off “just part of” his book collection while shirtless and bathed in what appears to be the glow of flames at midnight. He is a man before his time.

Dave Hill

My friend Jake sent me this picture of him and his new haircut yesterday. I don’t think it would be right for me really, but I’m really glad he has it. That way I can point at him and stuff. No, I’m just kidding, I won’t point at him (though I was seriously thinking about it for a second). Needless to say though, Jake’s haircut serves as a big kick in the nuts to all those pathetic fauxhawks still out there.

Giving things a historical perspective, Jake has pointed out to me that his haircut is inspired by that of professional wrestler Road Warrior Hawk (above, but I’m guessing you figured that one out on your own). Beware of men in tights, especially this one. He seems irritable.

And in keeping with this theme of shirtless men with sometimes questionable judgment, thanks to my friends at Shelf Life Clothing, I happened upon the above video of Glenn Danzig showing off his book collection or- more specifically- showing off “just part of” his book collection while shirtless and bathed in what appears to be the glow of flames at midnight. He is a man before his time.

Dave Hill

Attention People of New York City:

Must type fast. The Kinko’s lady is being a major A-hole today. Anyway, I just wanted to remind you one last time that TOMORROW- which is to say Wednesday, April 30- at 8pm, I will be walking out onto the main stage of Comix, the Meatpacking District’s premier house of consensual good times, and kicking off what should prove to be the greatest thing to happen in this town since the Gates. I am of course talking about my futuristic and one-time only extravaganza known in the Scandinavian press as Dave Hill’s Festival of Sight and Sound and Other Stuff Featuring Dave Hill and Some Other People Too. I strongly encourage you to attend, like, for real. Aside from whatever unstoppable tricks I may have up my sleeve, I will be joined tomorrow by some of the most incredible show business professionals in North America, including but necessarily limited to the fresh-faced John Mulaney (Comedy Central, Conan), the puckish Dan Mintz (Comedy Central, Conan), the scrappy Larry Murphy (Assy McGee), the irascible Joe Mande (ECNY Award Winner, dammit), the winsome Laura Krafft (Colbert Report), the at-times-violent Meredith Scardino (Colbert Report), the saucy Dan Dratch (Man Show, Monk), and the downright vulgar Phil Costello (King of Miami, DH Explosion, COTU, Satanicide), who will be singing the hits. I should also point out that this show will be the last comedy show I will ever perform, since- starting May 1- I will be committing myself 100% to dance and nothing but dance. No, I am just kidding. I am not quitting comedy for dance (though dance will remain an interest). See? That is just one example of the kind of jokes and such that will be taking place at the incredible show I speak of in this e-mail. I really hope you can make it. You can get tickets here. Type in the secret discount code of HILL430 and you, the reader of this e-mail, will save five dollars, which is great. Okay, I hope to see you tomorrow. It would mean so much to me. Also, I am dying. No, just kidding again. I am not really dying. That is a joke. File under: more where that came from. Seriously though, I am a walking miracle. I could go at any time.

Your friend,
Dave Hill

My friend Leeza sent me a link to this website for Trucknutz yesterday. As you can see from the photo above, Trucknutz are fake testicles you can hang from the back of your truck. That way people will know you are driving a boy truck, you know, because it has testicles. I have neither really thought much about buying a truck- until now that is, a time when buying a truck so I can slap some fake testicles on it is pretty much all I can think about.

Trucknutz (not to be confused with Trucknuts, which are a totally different thing) come in a bunch of different colors, including blue, green, red, camouflage, brass, and flesh-colored among others, so it’s not hard to find the perfect set of fake truck testicles for you and your on-the-go, truck-with-fake-testicles-having lifestyle. The Trucknutz people sell Bikerballz too. As hinted at in the name, Bikerballz are testicles for your motorcycle. That’s just silly to me though. Whoever heard of such a thing? Testicles for a motorcycle- now that’s just dumb.

In other news, my friend Gary sent me the video above earlier today. It’s of planes flying into the Kowloon side of Hong Kong. As a person who has totally been to Hong Kong before (November of 2001, they were pretty much giving away plane tickets back then, you know, because of the towers), I can tell you that it’s pretty wild how close to the buildings and people those big jets come when they are coming in for a landing. If you ever get the chance, you should totally go to Hong Kong, especially if you like Chinese food. They have seriously good Chinese food in Hong Kong and it’s, like, everywhere.

Dave Hill

Attention People of New York City:

Must type fast. The Kinko’s lady is being a major A-hole today. Anyway, I just wanted to remind you one last time that TOMORROW- which is to say Wednesday, April 30- at 8pm, I will be walking out onto the main stage of Comix, the Meatpacking District’s premier house of consensual good times, and kicking off what should prove to be the greatest thing to happen in this town since the Gates. I am of course talking about my futuristic and one-time only extravaganza known in the Scandinavian press as Dave Hill’s Festival of Sight and Sound and Other Stuff Featuring Dave Hill and Some Other People Too. I strongly encourage you to attend, like, for real. Aside from whatever unstoppable tricks I may have up my sleeve, I will be joined tomorrow by some of the most incredible show business professionals in North America, including but necessarily limited to the fresh-faced John Mulaney (Comedy Central, Conan), the puckish Dan Mintz (Comedy Central, Conan), the scrappy Larry Murphy (Assy McGee), the irascible Joe Mande (ECNY Award Winner, dammit), the winsome Laura Krafft (Colbert Report), the at-times-violent Meredith Scardino (Colbert Report), the saucy Dan Dratch (Man Show, Monk), and the downright vulgar Phil Costello (King of Miami, DH Explosion, COTU, Satanicide), who will be singing the hits. I should also point out that this show will be the last comedy show I will ever perform, since- starting May 1- I will be committing myself 100% to dance and nothing but dance. No, I am just kidding. I am not quitting comedy for dance (though dance will remain an interest). See? That is just one example of the kind of jokes and such that will be taking place at the incredible show I speak of in this e-mail. I really hope you can make it. You can get tickets here. Type in the secret discount code of HILL430 and you, the reader of this e-mail, will save five dollars, which is great. Okay, I hope to see you tomorrow. It would mean so much to me. Also, I am dying. No, just kidding again. I am not really dying. That is a joke. File under: more where that came from. Seriously though, I am a walking miracle. I could go at any time.

Your friend,
Dave Hill

My friend Leeza sent me a link to this website for Trucknutz yesterday. As you can see from the photo above, Trucknutz are fake testicles you can hang from the back of your truck. That way people will know you are driving a boy truck, you know, because it has testicles. I have neither really thought much about buying a truck- until now that is, a time when buying a truck so I can slap some fake testicles on it is pretty much all I can think about.

Trucknutz (not to be confused with Trucknuts, which are a totally different thing) come in a bunch of different colors, including blue, green, red, camouflage, brass, and flesh-colored among others, so it’s not hard to find the perfect set of fake truck testicles for you and your on-the-go, truck-with-fake-testicles-having lifestyle. The Trucknutz people sell Bikerballz too. As hinted at in the name, Bikerballz are testicles for your motorcycle. That’s just silly to me though. Whoever heard of such a thing? Testicles for a motorcycle- now that’s just dumb.

In other news, my friend Gary sent me the video above earlier today. It’s of planes flying into the Kowloon side of Hong Kong. As a person who has totally been to Hong Kong before (November of 2001, they were pretty much giving away plane tickets back then, you know, because of the towers), I can tell you that it’s pretty wild how close to the buildings and people those big jets come when they are coming in for a landing. If you ever get the chance, you should totally go to Hong Kong, especially if you like Chinese food. They have seriously good Chinese food in Hong Kong and it’s, like, everywhere.

Dave Hill

Since I am really into Satan and also really into heavy metal, I happened to spend a little time watching assorted <a href=”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venom_%28band%29″ target=”_blank”>Venom videos on YouTube this weekend. For the uninitiated, Venom is a band from Newcastle, England who are pretty incredible in at least nine or ten different ways, probably more even. They are credited with inventing black metal and pretty much don’t mess around as far as being a really Satanic heavy metal band goes. When I was a kid I remember walking into a record store and picking up a copy of Venom’s “Welcome to Hell” album and thinking to myself “Wow, these guys are pretty serious about being into Satan.” To be honest, I was actually kind of afraid that something bad might happen to me if I held the album in my hands for too long. They were that awesome. A year or two ago, my friend Kristen and I went to see Venom at Irving Plaza and man that shit was good. Kristen had never been to a Satanic heavy metal concert before and she really seemed to enjoy it. It’s always nice to turn a friend onto really Satanic heavy metal when you can. They will thank you for it. Trust me.

Anyway, during my Venom video-watching session this weekend, I stumbled upon the interview (in two parts) below with the band from the mid-’80s, when they were at at the peak of their Satanic heavy metal powers. They also had pretty great hair. What I really admire about these videos is how much you can tell these guys are really committed to what they do. Whether you are really into Satanic heavy metal or not (but let’s hope you are), you can really learn something from Venom. The main lesson here is to give it your all in life. Next time you are unsure of what to do in a particular situation, ask yourself “What would Venom do?” The answer, of course, is to kick as much ass as possible. And, hey, if you be seriously into Satan too while you’re at it, all the better. There should also probably be a guitar solo at some point.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these Venom interviews. They are really something.

Dave Hill

Since I am really into Satan and also really into heavy metal, I happened to spend a little time watching assorted Venom is a band from Newcastle, England who are pretty incredible in at least nine or ten different ways, probably more even. They are credited with inventing black metal and pretty much don’t mess around as far as being a really Satanic heavy metal band goes. When I was a kid I remember walking into a record store and picking up a copy of Venom’s “Welcome to Hell” album and thinking to myself “Wow, these guys are pretty serious about being into Satan.” To be honest, I was actually kind of afraid that something bad might happen to me if I held the album in my hands for too long. They were that awesome. A year or two ago, my friend Kristen and I went to see Venom at Irving Plaza and man that shit was good. Kristen had never been to a Satanic heavy metal concert before and she really seemed to enjoy it. It’s always nice to turn a friend onto really Satanic heavy metal when you can. They will thank you for it. Trust me.

Anyway, during my Venom video-watching session this weekend, I stumbled upon the interview (in two parts) below with the band from the mid-’80s, when they were at at the peak of their Satanic heavy metal powers. They also had pretty great hair. What I really admire about these videos is how much you can tell these guys are really committed to what they do. Whether you are really into Satanic heavy metal or not (but let’s hope you are), you can really learn something from Venom. The main lesson here is to give it your all in life. Next time you are unsure of what to do in a particular situation, ask yourself “What would Venom do?” The answer, of course, is to kick as much ass as possible. And, hey, if you be seriously into Satan too while you’re at it, all the better. There should also probably be a guitar solo at some point.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these Venom interviews. They are really something.

Dave Hill