|Stolen Dinosaur Jr. Gear||
Bad news- some a-holes stole Dinosaur Jr’s equipment after their show at Warsaw last night in Brooklyn. Here is the full scoop. Hope they get their stuff back. That sucks massive balls. I can’t see how anyone would get too far with that stuff though since it’s all pretty rare and customized stuff and would be easy to spot. Hope I’m right. The rock must continue.
I’m sitting on the tarmac of the Minneapolis airport as I type this, which is great. My flight to JFK was already delayed an hour and now we- the other people on the plane and I- have just been told that we’ll have to sit out here for another hour before our “wheels up time” (wheels up time, I have discerned, is what the pilot-types call the time when the plane goes in the air. That’s when they take the wheels up into the plane so they’re not sticking out anymore and no one dies. It all makes sense if you really think about it, which I just did). There are a couple of bears sitting in front of me who don’t seem to be taking news of the delay very well. One of them told the flight attendant to “shut the fuck up” under his breath once word was handed down. I point all this out not to suggest that bears are a naturally feisty bunch (being so totally not gay it’s not even funny, I really wouldn’t have any idea)- it’s just that these two bears in particular seem to be getting pretty fired up and since it’s the only source of entertainment I have at the moment I just thought I’d share it with you.
As for me, the delay isn’t bothering me all that much. I’m actually kind of enjoying the Dave-time, just sitting here typing and listening to music (I recently unearthed my copy of Soul Asylum’s “…And The Horse They Rode In On” and loaded it into my computer. It came out in 1990 it’s their last seriously rocking album before they became MTV stars and shortly thereafter fell off the radar. They just released a new album though and I’m hoping they got back to rocking). So there is that.
Anyway, after less than 24 hours back in NYC, I got on a plane to scenic Minneapolis yesterday to make some more exciting television. I’m not supposed to talk about it on account of the unofficial show business code of silence but this much I can tell you- it is going to be on BASIC CABLE. Can you feel the magic? Yeah, I thought so. Shit. Fuck. Piss. Damn.
As places go, I like Minneapolis a lot. I have been here a bunch of times before playing in rock bands. Whenever we played at First Avenue or 7th Street Entry, we’d eat at the Chevy’s down the street because we weren’t afraid to throw a little money around. I’m generally against chain restaurants but I have to admit they’ve got a way with a fish taco at that place.
Also on the Minneapolis front, some of my favorite bands/musicians of all time are from here- the Replacements, Husker Du, Walt Mink, and Prince, for example- so this town holds a special place in my heart. I came here for my cousin’s wedding a few years ago and that was good times too. I still owe him and his wife a present. I gotta get on that shit. I’ve always wanted to send steaks in the mail. I’m told they ship them in dry ice. Maybe it’s time.
Since I’m not Steven Seagal or anything, I didn’t have my own trailer while shooting here in Minneapolis and- as a result- didn’t have my own bathroom either. I did have my own water and coffee though, so after a while I had to go super bad, so I snuck off into the woods near the street we were shooting on. In the interest of full disclosure, it had been a while since I took a leak in the woods. And you know what? It was just as exciting as I had remembered.
Along the way too pissing all over the woods, I stumbled upon the treehouse in the photo above. I always wanted a treehouse when I was kid but empty refrigerator boxes in the neighbor’s driveway was as close as I ever came. Still, that was pretty magical in its own way too. It’s just nice to get away from the folks every once in a while I guess.
|Ain’t No Trip To Cleveland. Wait, No, Actually It Is.||
I’ve just returned from a short visit to my hometown of Cleveland on my way back from scenic Miami. It was good times all around. I mostly just slept and whatnot, but that’s kind of what I needed more than anything after ruling the fuck out of Miami for a few days. Sometimes even I need a break from the glamour and whatnot.
Aside from taking a lot of naps, I saw a few friends and their new kids, who were a lot bigger than the last time I saw them. Some of them even stopped wearing diapers. Speaking of which, I also went to my Aunt Helen’s 90th birthday party. 90! Holy shit. I wonder if I’ll ever be that old. Some days I hope so, some days I hope not. Anyway, the party was good times and surprisingly rocking for a 90th birthday party. My aunt is really healthy too, so much in fact that she seemed in a lot better shape than some of the 70 and 80 year-olds that were on the scene. And no, she doesn’t wear diapers. What the hell is wrong with you? I was just using that as a clever transition. It was too easy, couldn’t pass it up. Anyway, I’ll have to find out what her secret to life and living is.
While I was home, I also saw the hit movie “Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man,” which- as the title suggests- is about the great songwriter Leonard Cohen. It was really good and full of all sorts of familiar faces singing Leonard Cohen songs and talking about Leonard Cohen. Leonard does some talking too and seems like a really cool guy. At the end, he sings a song with U2 and then you’re all like “Damn, I wish that motherfucker would get out there and play some shows.” Maybe he will. In the meantime, go see the movie.
One thing I had hoped to do while I was home was to stop by Great Lakes Brewery in the Ohio City section of Cleveland, but I didn’t have time. It’s one of my favorite microbreweries in the country (Bell’s and Rogue are my other two faves). It’s not some bullshit place either, like Heartland Brewery, or something. It’s the real thing- you can buy that shit in stores. I’ve been going there since I was a teenager (shhhh). Anyway, as fate would have it, the Great Lakes Brewery operates a little bar at the airport in Cleveland and it turned out to be right across from my gate. I had some time to kill so I stopped in for a drink. I didn’t feel like having a drink, but I figured this would be my last chance to have any Great Lakes beer (they don’t sell it in New York as far as I know) for a while so I decided to saddle up anyway. I got a big Edmund Fitzgerald Porter, which is my favorite by them. After the bartender served me my beer she offered to pour me a shot for an extra two bucks. I turned it down but I was happy to get the offer. That’s one of the things I love about Cleveland- it’s a cheap date. Or I guess maybe I am. Either way, it’s working for both of us.
|More Morrissey Mayhem||
In my ongoing effort to do my part for Morrissey, here is his video for his new single “In The Future When All’s Well.” It’s pretty much just him and his band pretending to play on an Italian variety show (as best I can tell), but it’s still pretty excellent in my opinion. And I don’t say this about anyone very often, but Morrissey has better suits and hair than me. A friend of mine just saw Morrissey at the V Festival in England and said he rocked balls (or at least that was my interpretation of what she said). I hope he tours over here in the U.S. soon but so far I haven’t heard anything. Until then, you can just watch this video a bunch of times or something.
|Another Funtime Video For You To Watch||
Here is a video I did recently in which I interview a pet psychic who can talk to dead dogs and whatnot. It is now on the popular Salon.com website on the Internet, located, again, right
here. I hope you enjoy it on some level or another.
|The Magic Of Pee-Wee||
Here is an excellent video of Pee-Wee Herman from the Late Night show in the early ’80s. Pee-Wee is the king as far as I’m concerned. I love the trampoline routine he does at the end and how he almost breaks character while warning his spotters to be ready to catch him.
|Escape From Miami||
Today I am writing from the airport in Charlotte, North Carolina. I am on a layover on my way from Miami to my hometown of Cleveland, where I am going to hang out for a few days before heading back to the Big City. As I type this, there are two young kids- a brother and sister I’m guessing- pacing back and forth next to me. It is some kind of game as best I can tell and it is driving me insane. I want desperately to stab them but I will hold off for now, at least until I finish typing.
Anyway, getting back to Miami, it was a fun four or so days. Yesterday was a big day of shooting stuff and my spray-on tan really rose to the occasion. Apparently spray-on tans tend to really kick in after a day or so and mine was no different. I went from George Hamilton-like to Tandoori chicken-like to borderline Al Jolson-like over the course of about 24 hours. I think the extra blast I gave myself (the lady at the spray-tan place gave me a can of touchup spray) I gave myself first thing in the morning helped take things to the next level. You can get a sense of things in the photo above. The tan really makes my teeth sparkle if you ask me. The good/bad thing about having a tan like this though is that I tend to forget about it as soon as I’ve been away from a mirror or any other reflective surface for a few minutes. Everyone else, however, seems to notice it pretty much all the time. It’s kind of hard to have a normal conversation with a stranger (or anyone really).
Joining us (me and the show business people) in Miami these past four days was my good buddy Phil, who is playing my sidekick/bitch/bodyguard on this thing we’re totally shooting. That’s him in the yellow sweater and sweet beard above. We had a good time pretty much ruling the fuck out of this place together the past few days. He pretty much just stands there looking sweet while I do all the talking. It works out pretty well for the both of us.
At one point during the day yesterday, Phil and I went to something called the Howard Austin Feld Gallery on Lincoln Road, which is a popular street in Miami with all sorts of stores and restaurants and whatnot. If you like photos of naked chicks that have been touched up in an artistic fashion via the computer, you could do a lot worse than to check out Howard’s gallery. Phil and I really liked this one photo Howard took in which you can totally see the chick in the photo’s private parts and Howard Austin Feld was so nice he gave us a great big copy to take home with us totally free of charge. Not only does Howard Austin Feld take sweet photos of naked chicks but he is really nice too. You can see the excellent photo of the naked chick above (WARNING: It is mature in nature, unlike me and Phil). I am going to visit my parents right now, so I decided to let Phil hang on to it for the time being. It’s covered in plastic so I’m not too worried. I think it’s going to look pretty great over the couch. That bastard better hand it over though as soon as I get back into town.
Okay, I have to get all ready to fly and shit now so I better go. In case you wondering though, the kids who were pacing back and forth next to me at the beginning of this entry have finally tired out and sat down with their parents. The odds of me stabbing them have dropped considerably.
|Looking Sweet In Miami||
It is day two of my Miami invasion and things are really picking up for me. Today I acheived one of my longtime goals of getting a spray-on tan, just like Paris Hilton gets. In fact, the lady that did my spray-on tan does Paris when she is in Miami (I am not lying about this), so needless to say my spray-on tan is pretty fucking sweet. Then again, you have eyes and you can totally see from the photo above that my new spray-on tan is pretty incredible. I’m not sure why I’m all shiny but I’m guessing the glare might cut back once I take a shower or something.
In the interest of half-full disclosure, I got the spray-tan for an exciting television thing I am shooting down here in scenic Miami this week. Don’t worry, I will explain it all in full detail at a later date. The tan only covers certain areas of my body, which really adds to the fun. I’m not sure why Paris and all the other people who get spray-on tans don’t do this too, but whatever- they don’t rule the fuck out of everything like I do so I can’t expect them to be down with all the same shit I am.
Aside from getting sweet spray-on tans and whatnot, I have mostly been walking around and eating today. Tonight, my partners in crime and I ate at a place called the Blue Door, which is located in the Delano Hotel, which is across the street from the place we’re totally staying. It was pretty delicious- I had some crazy mushroom and taro ravioli, some pork loin of some sort, and some cheesecake. Generally I prefer my food to come in big piles or- better yet- a trough, but this fancy stuff did me right anyway. I keep seeing signs around Miami for a sandwich called the Midnight Sandwich (or bocadillo de medianoche as our Spanish-speaking friends like to say) and I am determined to eat the fuck out of one of those things before I leave. I will keep you posted on this and other topics in the very near future. Until then, I will be doing my damndest to get spray-on tan stains out of pretty much everything in my hotel room.
|This Moment In Black Metal||
Here is a pretty great interview with bassist Necrobutcher and Blasphemer from the world’s greatest black metal band of all time (besides Witch Taint, of course) Mayhem from the “Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey,” which I haven’t seen in its entirety but am told is pretty excellent. Anyway, this interview is pretty special. We could all learn a lot from Mayhem if you ask me.
|Taking Over Miami||
Today I write to you from scenic Miami, Florida. Actually, I think technically I am in South Beach, which is a part of Miami I guess. I’m not sure really. I got here this afternoon and am still trying to figure it all out. As best I can tell though, I am in the area where Marc Anthony and/or people who would really like to be friends with Marc Anthony hang out. Despite all this, however, I’m not really hating it that much, which is strange for a person like me who hates most things in life. A lot of the buildings here are in the deco style and are painted in soft pastels and bright whites, which for some reason are agreeable to me at the moment.
Last time I was in Florida, I was almost arrested for no apparent reason. They have vagrancy laws down here and if you look like riff-raff, which I guess the cops/the fuzz/the pigs/johnny law thought my friends and I did at the time (we were in a travelling rock band, which historically is a sign of trouble), they can roust you if they feel like it. They saw us walking around aimlessly, looking in store windows and whatnot, and didn’t like it. We ended up not being carted off in the end but I have since learned not to go shirtless in this state, unless poolside or oceanside of course (and even then I often avoid it, though for other reasons entirely).
Anyway, I am here for a few days making some television and am staying at the Catalina Hotel, which is small and arty and adorable, as you can see from the photo above. That’s me sitting on the bed in my room. There is a cool red light that hangs above the bed, presumably to highlight all the hardcore boning that must usually go on in these rooms. Sadly, however, I am staying here all alone, so I guess the only hardcore boning that will go on in this room while I’m here will take place in the mind (and on the Internet).
On another note, if you look over my right shoulder in the photo above, you can see a large book of photographs propped up on the moulding of the room. I didn’t notice it at all until it came crashing down at random a couple hours ago and scared the crap out of me. It’s one of those “art books” though so I’m thinking it might have some nudie photos in it. And for that reason I can’t stay too mad at it. I’ll keep you posted.
I stepped out for dinner tonight (Italian) and along the way happened upon a liquor store called Big Daddy’s. I’m told it’s a chain of some sort. Anyway, I like the guy with the beard (who is presumably Big Daddy himself). I’m guessing he is supposed to look like some big hairy guy that is not opposed to drunken good times, kind of like a low rent Ernest Hemingway or something. I wonder if the people who run Big Daddy’s know that he also looks like a big gay bear. Not that that’s a bad thing- either way, you’re bound to sell a few drinks if you’ve got a big guy with beard on the sign out front. And- as if to prove my point- they seemed to be doing a brisk business.
Meanwhile back at the hotel, there is a bar downstairs that looks like quite the funspot. The photo above is of one of the seating areas I passed on the way back to my room. There weren’t many people firing it up at the time, but as you can tell from the bright colors and the crazy tables and chairs and all, this is a bar where good times can be had pretty much any time if you really set your mind to it. It’s right next to the pool too, so really there’s no end to the mayhem if you think about it. This afternoon I took a walk down to the pool to have a look around and folks were hanging out in swimsuits and drinking some drinks, all of which of course only furthered my impression that it’s good times all the times when you’re down here in scenic Miami. Unfortunately however, I was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans at the time and after a couple seconds I started to feel like everyone at the pool thought I was just some creepy dude who came down there to check out chicks in bikinis (which- to be fair- I was), so I headed back up to my room to take a nap.
Okay, um, that is pretty much the deal with me at the moment. More on this and other topics later.