|Witch Taint Shirts Are Here, Not That Anyone Can Handle It||
The people have spoken and, I, Dave Hill a/k/a Lance- the King of Black Metal, have responded in the form of making all-new Witch Taint shirts, complete with new, slightly more readable logo (I realize this is kind of selling out, but the Taint can no longer be kept a secret!) and a lot more extreme and Satanic imagery that most people can’t handle. To the uninitiated, Witch Taint is the greatest, most extreme Norwegian Black Metal band of all-time even though they/we aren’t even from Norway. You can get the full story here if you don’t know it already, but seriously how would you not know about Witch Taint already? I mean, come on, are you in league with Satan or what? Pull yourself together!
As far as the shirts go, they feature the incredible artwork above (created by me, Dave, mentioned earlier. Click on the image to see it bigger and stuff) in white ink on black, 100% cotton T-shirts. No, they don’t come in any other colors. This is the most extreme metal band of all-time and black is the only option. Why are you even asking? As for sizes, the new Witch Taint shirt comes in XS, S, M, L, XL, and XXL. The shirt costs a total of $18, which includes shipping and handling (there will be lots of it, trust me) no matter where you live in the world, even Canada. There are no hidden fees, but you may be taxed emotionally. All proceeds go to Satan. If you are looking for a way of letting people know that you are pretty much the most badass and extreme person on your block, in your neighborhood, at your workplace, or pretty much anywhere else you might end up going, wearing a Witch Taint shirt is a pretty good place to start. Also- just a word of caution- most people will probably pass out just trying to put a shirt like this on because it is so badass and extreme and totally not for pussies, but if you think you can handle it, please send an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org and await further instruction on how to pay and totally have one sent to your house where you live. These shirts were made in a limited run of 666, so quit f@#king around and order one now because you’re going to want to wear it every day.
|Ep. 23 of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident Is Up and Listenable for People Out There Today!||
Close those blinds and take that phone off the hook for Episode 23 of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident on which I sit down for a delightful chat with writer, performer, comedian, dancer, and awesome-dude-in-general Mike Albo, frequent “This American Life” contributor and author of “Hornito” and “The Underminer.” Mike came over to my house and we drank a bottle of wine and talked about all sorts of stuff including the importance of making good facial expressions while dancing, Nazis, the Underminer, Morrissey, the Sensitive Nips guy, and much, much more. You can listen to the whole thing right here. For more information on Mike, please visit his futuristic website here. That would be so great. Thanks.
|Rival Schools: Rocking You, Me, Others||
Hi. My friend Walter’s band Rival Schools has a new record out called “Pedals” and it’s great. You should go buy it. I saw them play at Santo’s Party House the other night and I pretty much got my ass handed to me. Afterward, I got some Chinese food, but it was too late- my hands were already full with my ass (You know, because I had just had it handed to me, like I was saying), so I found it really difficult to eat. I just had to shove my face into the food and it was a major hassle. Eventually I just gave up. Anyway, my point is that Rival Schools are rocking me. You can watch the video for their new single “Wring It Out” above. This one girl is possessed and the guys have cool suits on. I love it.
|Dave Hill Explosion T-Shirts Now Available to the Masses by Popular Demand (Until They Run Out, That Is)||
Hi. This is Dave Hill with some seriously exciting news (well, depending on whether or not it interests you, I guess). After much deliberation, I recently decided to have more Dave Hill Explosion T-shirts printed up. This is the extremely rare (until now, since I printed up more) Dave Hill Explosion T-shirt just like the one worn by my close personal friend and world-class comedian lady Tig Notaro on the hit television program “Community” on that episode where she was playing the bartender. However, please don’t think this is my attempt at cashing in on that one time my friend Tig wore my T-shirt (actually it’s hers- I gave it to her myself) on a television program (though if I do end up cashing in in the form of making a lot of money from this, I am not opposed to it). When I saw Tig on the program wearing my shirt, I thought “Oh yeah, I should probably print up more of those.” And then people kept asking me about them and stuff. And so I finally I just went ahead and had some new ones printed. And who wins? You (that is, if you want one. You might not. Even though you should. What’s going on with you, anyway? I’m worried).
Anyway, the shirt is exactly like the one above (the one at the top and then the picture above it just a close-up of the design so you can get a better sense of things. Designed it myself, thanks). It comes in “asphalt” (kind of like a dark gray if you ask me) American Apparel T-shirt sizes small, medium, large, and extra large. For just $18 total (this includes shipping and all that) I will mail a shirt to your home complete with a personal handwritten note from me, Dave Hill, national treasure. If you live outside of North America, I am still only going to charge you $18. I’m crazy like that. Payment is done through Paypal. Anyway, if you want one of these shirts, please e-mail email@example.com. Include your address and shirt size and whatnot and you will be given payment instructions. It’s fun and easy. I didn’t print up that many, so if I run out, don’t yell at me. I’m just a person.