Archive for October, 2010


Episode 15 of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident with Special Guest Malcolm Gladwell Is Up now!
28th
Oct

malcolm
Join me as I sit down with Malcolm Gladwell, best-selling author (The Tipping  Point, Blink, Outliers, and What the Dog Saw) and staff writer for The New Yorker, to discuss such topics as the ubiquity of quinoa, how long he writes each day, the Full Cleveland, how really good quarterbacks are almost invariably attractive, Dave Chappelle, the best coffee in New York City, and more.  Listen right here.

Love,
Dave Hill

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Dave Hill Fan Fiction by Dave Hill: “Mean Streets”
26th
Oct


Dave Hill, a really cool guy, was walking down the street. A lot of people Dave Hill passed on the street couldn’t help but think to themselves what a cool and also very considerate guy Dave seemed to be as he passed them. For example, if two people were walking toward Dave, Dave would move slightly to the side so the two approaching people could continue walking and talking together easily and without the kind of interruption that takes place when someone not as cool and considerate as Dave comes along and walks right between them as they are walking down the street together, forcing them to regroup a few paces later as one of them says “So anyway, as I was saying…” Some people are dicks that way, but not Dave. Also, Dave has offbeat good looks and smells nice, which are just a couple more positive attributes people noticed about him as they passed him on the street.

Anyway, Dave was walking down the street in a cool outfit he picked out all by himself when all of a sudden he happened upon a street gang hanging out on a street corner, as they often do. Dave knew they were a street gang because they all had matching jackets on, wore their hair slicked back, and referred to each other as “man” a lot. Also, one of them had a knife and was talking about how they were a street gang to one of the other street gang members.

“Give us all your money!,” one of the street gang members said rudely to Dave as he approached them.

“What did you say?,” Dave responded. Dave heard exactly what the street gang member had said to him so when he asked this it was intended more to make the street gang member have a quick think about the kind of trouble he was foolishly starting with Dave, a guy who is pretty much not afraid of anything. A smarter man would have taken this time to realize that it was trained martial artist Dave Hill that he was dealing with and he had better not mess with him, but the street gang member- having never finished high school- was not that smart and instead of answering Dave by saying “Oh, nothing- I guess I’ll get back to whatever it was that I was doing” he said “I said give us all your money!” And then he said the F word and other swears and held up that knife from earlier in the story right in Dave’s face. This guy was crazy.

It was at this point that Dave just laughed because- as mentioned previously- he is not afraid of anything, especially knife-wielding street gang members, even if there were like twenty of them. He is like the bravest guy ever.

“You think this is funny?,” one of the street gang members asked Dave while smoking a cigarette and then exhaling it right in Dave’s face(!). “I bet you won’t be laughing when we mop up the sidewalk with your face!” Then the street gang members all laughed in a mean way as they often do. They made more swears too. They were such dumb jerks.

Then Dave said, “Yeah, I think you guys are hilarious!” and then he laughed to himself in that way that people do when they are about to beat up like thirty dumb people all by themselves. Then Dave got really serious and said “But do you know what I think is really, really hilarious?”

Then the biggest jerk in the whole street gang said, “No, why don’t you tell me?” And then he blew more cigarette smoke directly in Dave’s face, which is pretty much the dumbest thing you could do to a guy like Dave, who could easily kick like forty street gang members asses without even trying. It was amazing how dumb this guy was.

Then Dave said, “Here’s what I think is really, really hilarious!” Then he jumped in the air like twenty feet and spun around kicking all the street gang members right in the face. They couldn’t believe it. They all got bloddy noses and one of them even lost a tooth!

“Hey! Get that guy!”, one of the street gang members yelled. “He just kicked us all in the face.” Then all the other street gang members said “Yeah! Let’s get him!” They were so mad at Dave. Dave didn’t care though. In fact, he just thought it was funny. Dave has huge testicles.

Then all the street gang members charged at Dave with clenched fists while staying the F word some more and stuff. Dave just started laughing and then punched them all in the face so hard and fast that each one of them fell back like ten feet and then they all ended up in a big pile on top of each other and with imaginary birds flying around their heads. Some of them didn’t even know where they were anymore because they were so dizzy from being beaten up by Dave, who still looked and smelled great the whole time he was kicking their asses.

“That will show you to mess with Dave Hill!,” Dave said to all of them as they continued to lay there in a great deal of pain.

“Oh my god! Who is this guy!” one of the gang members asked. He was practically crying. I guess he wasn’t so tough after all. What a dumb jerk.

“It’s Dave Hill! He is the toughest guy ever. He just beat us all up,” one of the other gang members said. That one had a cigarette in his mouth still only it was all smushed up because Dave punched him in the face when he was smoking it. This guy looked so dumb.

The gang members all lied there for like six hours, unable to move because Dave kicked their asses so badly. By the time they got up, Dave was already long gone and had passed like a million more people on the street, all of whom could not believe how cool and also considerate he was. One girl even wanted to have sex with him and she was a supermodel. Dave told her he would think about it. She wanted him so bad and was telling all her supermodel friends about him and they were so jealous because they wanted to have intercourse with him too.

…TO BE CONTINUED

Dave Hill

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Episode 14 of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident with Special Guest Jane Adams Is Now Up on the Internet! Yay!
22nd
Oct

jane
This time around, I get vegan Ethiopian food with the lovely and talented Jane Adams, star of the HBO hit television program “Hung” and also someone you know from such films as “Happiness,” “Anniversary Party,” “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” and much, much more.  Brace yourself as Jane and I discuss topics including but not limited to shark attacks, ’70s porn, Facebook photos, Los Angeles, what a podcast is, Juilliard, and something called nut milk.  I hope you enjoy it so much.  You can listen right here.

Love,
Dave Hill

Dave Hill

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A Photo of Me, Dave Hill, by Chris Butler, Photographer Person
16th
Oct


Being a really famous person and all, it is not uncommon for photographer types to ask me if they can take my picture. Since all I really have to do is stand there and look incredible, I usually say yes unless, of course, I am in the middle of something, in which case I take it on a case-by-case basis. Last week, during my time in scenic Los Angeles, Home of the Stars, I was asked by up-and-coming excellent photographer Chris Butler to pose for a photo. I was just eating a heart-shaped cookie while standing in front of a moving bus at the time, so I figured “What the heck? Might as well let him snap until his heart’s content. Am I right?” And then I just stood there for a minute while Chris snapped away, happier than a small child in a decent household on Christmas morning. The results of Chris’ efforts can be seen above and also here. As you can probably tell, he pretty much nailed it. You can check out more of Chris’ excellent photos here. And if you are a celebrity like me, by all means let him take your photo, especially if you are just standing there like I was. After that, just get on with your day I guess.

Love,
Dave Hill

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Episode 13 of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident with Special Guest Paul F. Tompkins Is Up Now!!!
15th
Oct

pft
On this, the lucky 13th episode of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident, I sit down with world-class entertainer and well-dressed man-about-town, comedian Paul F. Tompkins. Pull your loved ones close as I chat with Paul about topics including but not limited to haberdashery, Catholicism, show business, Dick Cavett’s will, the Pod F. Tompkast, the popular rock band the Outfield, and much, much more. Listen here now or I will stab you!

Love,
Dave Hill

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Me, Dave Hill, at New York Fashion Week (Yet Again)
14th
Oct


Being a really glamorous person and all, I suppose it comes as no surprise that once again I attended New York Fashion Week, i.e. the most exciting and important week of the whole year. This time around, I covered things for Cinemax, the popular premium cable television network that sometimes shows naked chicks if you stay up late enough (past 10pm or so I’m told). Above are some of the highlights from my exhilirating day at Fashion Week. I hope you enjoy it so much. Please note the back flip I do. I am an incredible physical specimen.

Love,
Dave Hill

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Scorching Hot Valley Lodge Chair-Based Video + New Janeane Garofalo DVD
13th
Oct


My friend Woody Tondorf made this excellent video with the fine folks at Hubspot for my rock band Valley Lodge’s incredible song “Hanging On.” There is a lot hot chair action in this video. And it’s all done in one take. Impressive. I hope you enjoy it so much. Also, you can drink and play ping pong at this place too. Not too shabby.
jg
In other news, the great comedian Janeane Garofalo has a new live comedy special out now in the popular DVD format. It is called “If You Will” and it is hilarious and smart and something you should totally own if you, like me, are a fan of quality entertainment in general. Adding to the mayhem is the fact that I wrote and recorded the opening theme music. How is that for excitement? Go guy it now or I will stab you. You will thank me (both because it’s a great DVD and also you will not be bleeding to death since I didn’t stab you and all). You can get it right here.

Dave Hill

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Valley Lodge Rock Show TOMORROW at Spike Hill in Williamsburg
4th
Oct

immortal
Attention People of New York City:

Must write quickly because they said any time spent on the computer will be deducted from my community service hours and I need to start respecting the system and also myself and others. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that if you like having your ass handed to you by hot rock music then boy are you in for a treat because my obscure yet ultimately ass-handing rock band Valley Lodge will be rocking with a ferocity rarely seen on a week night TOMORROW, Tuesday, October 5 at 9pm at Spike Hill, a rock music venue in Williamsburg, a good place to sort things out during your youth. As you can probably imagine, we are going to play all the hits and will also be dressed in adorable outfits we put together back at the house. File under: business as usual. Also, we will be riding high on the rock wave created by the fact that we recently had our hit song “The Door” placed as the theme song for a new GMC Sierra truck commercial. And our song “Coming Around” was in the hit program “Raising Hope” on Fox last week during the controversial weedwhacker scene. These are both true things that we were paid a lot of money for. Some people say this makes us whores and I say we were whores long before then. Just ask anyone who was at the Blimpie at Port Authority this past Saturday night between the hours of 3 and 4am, shortly before the police came with their sketch pads and fancy DNA kits. Anyway, come tomorrow for rock that is happening at a reasonably early time in case you got a job or a baby or some bullsh*t. There are three other great bands playing tomorrow night too- the Shake, Bridges & Powerlines, and Dinosaur Bones. This town- it just doesn’t stop does it? Tell me about it.

Love,
Dave Hill

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