|Until the Light Takes Us||
This past week, I have been enjoying watching and rewatching the Norwegian Black Metal documentary “Until the Light Takes Us.” It’s really great. Through the magic of the Internet, I ended up meeting the filmmakers Aaron Aites and Audrey Ewell, nice folks and seemingly not very satanic at all. They’ve made a great film that is really interesting whether you’re into black metal or not (though, of course, I am, you know, being the King of Black Metal and all). The film is beautiful and scary and intense and funny all at once. It’s got interviews and quality time with guys like Fenriz, Hellhammer, Faust, and even that nutjob Varg Vikernes. You should totally go see it when it comes to your town. Here is the trailer:
|Lucy Lawless, Tig, and Me: The Oneness||
Lucy Lawless at Comic-Con
A few weeks ago, I totally went to Comic Con in San Diego and interview the f@#k out of people for the popular MSN website. A personal highlight of my less than 48 hours in San Diego was sitting down with my soulmate Lucy Lawless and my life partner Tig Notaro and just talking about everything and nothing at all. In this version, I was able to get the word “taint” past the censor goalie a total of one time, but during the actual interview we pretty much only talked about Lucy’s taint and how it is probably (okay, definitely) superior to pretty much everyone else’s taint, mine included. There- I said it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I pretty much define my time on this earth as “Time Spent with Lucy Lawless” (TSWLL) and “Time Spent without Lucy Lawless” (Hell), so- needless to say- I really enjoyed it. (NOTE: You have to click on that picture of Lucy to watch it. Not sure why I couldn’t just embed it. Life is bullshit).
It’s Monday and I am back in Cleveland visiting my parents for a few days. A few of my siblings and their kids were just here visiting but I decided to come immediately after them so I wouldn’t have to compete with any of them for my parents’ money or attention. Plus, I figured if I came the day after all of them left it would be all that much more impressive that I can speak in full sentences and go to the bathroom all by myself, which- for the record- is a lot more than I can say for some of my nieces and nephews. And this has been going on for, like, three years now with some of them.
I got into Cleveland yesterday. I flew into the Akron/Canton airport because it is cheaper and not that much further from my parents’ house. I called my sister and asked her for a ride home but she said she was “busy” with her “family” and “couldn’t come get me right now.” She said it with a certain tone that suggested that when she said “family” she was talking about her own family and not the family that she and I are part of together, the one where I am pretty sure I am the most popular and favorite kid. I am pretty sure my sister was trying to rub it in my face that she is married and has a kid and a job and her own house and stuff and I don’t have any of those things but I wouldn’t know for sure because I hung up on her before she had a chance to finish her sentence.
I ended up renting a car at the airport, which I paid for WITH MY OWN MONEY. It was a Nissan Sentra, which is a perfectly reasonable car to drive. I could have picked out something nicer, but I decided not to.
After I got my rental car, I drove to my parents house to see them. When I got there they said they weren’t expecting me, which I thought was a funny joke. They didn’t seem particularly excited to see me either and I asked why and they said that they just saw me a week ago so it wasn’t that big of a deal to see me again. I am pretty sure they still love me the most though even if they didn’t look away from the newspaper or their programs when I walked into their house and asked for some money and food that doesn’t suck to eat.
Once I got settled back at home, I decided to cook some pasta for me and my parents but mostly for me. I did it all on my own and didn’t need any help whatsoever even though my parents did end up helping me a bit. The pasta was really good. I combined elbow macaroni and then some other kind because it was more fun that way. My parents said they never saw someone cook so much pasta all in one pot like I did. I am the best kid!
Tonight, we are talking about having pizza for dinner. I really love pizza. My mom asked if we should order one big pizza for dinner and I said “Aren’t you guys going to have any?” Then we all just laughed and laughed about the joke I just made. It is really nice to see how much enjoyment they get out of hanging out with their favorite kid.
While at my parents’ house, I am staying in what is known as “the little bedroom.” They said the room I had growing up is now a “guest room” and that I can’t stay in there because they painted it and got new carpet. There is another big bedroom there but I am not allowed to stay in that one because that is for kids who give them grandchildren (“you mean kids who have their own dumb kids who can’t talk or go the bathroom on their own,” I said to them). There is a crib in there and also air conditioning. The room I am staying in has an ironing board and a bunch of boxes of things that I am not supposed to open up and look through no matter how late it is and no matter how not tired I am. There is a bird’s nest in this room too because there is a crack in the wall by the air conditioner that doesn’t work anymore. It is so cool! It is almost like I am camping.
|Sekai No Nabeatsu||
When I toured Japan with my hot rock band Valley Lodge a few months ago, our translator introduced me to the work of a popular Japanese comedian named Sekai No Nabeatsu (the World Famous Nabeatsu). Apparently his act consists mostly of counting and acting crazy. I don’t understand a word of it and yet I can’t look away. I am hoping he crosses over to the United States soon. He’s unstoppable. He’s a sharp dresser too, which never hurts.
|Dave Hill’s New One-Man Show “Big in Japan” TOMORROW at UCB at 9:30pm. Come, Dammit! That Would Be So Nice.||
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to remind you one last time that TOMORROW, which is to say Thursday, August 20 at 9:30pm, I will be unleashing a rare public display of my brand new one-man show “Big in Japan” for the second time ever in North America at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, which is under Gristede’s, a reputable grocer, in case you need anything. If you see just one Japan-based show in a basement this Thursday night, I am really hoping you decide to see mine because it is remarkable in ways that even I can’t fully wrap my head around at the moment. In case you are wondering, my new “Big in Japan” show is a true story about rock-n-roll excess; the trappings of international fame, fortune, and fingering; monkeys for sale at below retail prices; espionage; and chicks who I am pretty sure totally want to make out and stuff. It is directed by the great Jeff Tomsic, assistant directed by the lovely Nicole Brodeur, and features the incomparable Chris Chuang in the role of a lifetime. There are also tasteful photographs, videos, vignettes, smoke, fire, and lots of guitar solos incorporated into the show to insure that you are totally getting your five dollars worth or pretty close to it. In short, my new “Big in Japan” show pretty much has everything and then also some other stuff besides that. I imagine in the coming days, weeks, months, and years I will be presented with all sorts of awards, honorary degrees, and coupons as a result of having done this show, so I am guessing it will be really fun for you to come see it now before it is translated back into its original Danish and performed only for heads of state, Olympic figure skating great Oksana Baiul, baseball’s Keith Hernandez, Babs, Gene Shalit, Phylicia Rashad, and whoever else I think might really “get it.” I really hope you can make it. There will be prizes and also snacks. You can get tickets right here.
As rumored on the Internet, particularly this website, this past Friday the Walter Schreifels Band (a/k/a Walter, Andy Action, Arthur Smilios, and me) rocked Mojo 13 in Wilmington, Delaware like we were in some kind of goddamn contest that involved rocking the fuck out of people and also having on really great outfits. As the video above will attest, we delivered on our promise. The sound of the video isn’t that great, but I am pretty sure you can feel the heat nonetheless.
Before the show, we went down the street to the Goodwill store. I don’t think anyone bought anything, but dammit we sure did try. At one point, when all the other guys were over in the clothing section of the store, I wandered over to the section of the store that sells used coffee mugs, old VHS tapes, and other stuff people don’t want. It was there that I found a used home electrolysis kit. I giggled to myself and thought about taking the used home electrolyis kit over to the clothing section to show the other guys and make a joke to them like “Hey, guys- do you think I should buy this used home electrolysis kit or what?” But then I realized that it wasn’t nearly funny enough to walk across the store to do. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, especially after a long drive. I couldn’t be wasting my rock energy on making electrolysis kit jokes even though sometimes they are really funny.
After I didn’t make any jokes about used home electrolyis kits at Goodwill, all the guys in the band plus Cache Tolman, Walter’s bandmate from Rival Schools, headed down the street to eat at a place called Bourbon Street, which- as hinted at in the name- is New Orleans-themed in nature. At one point there was talk of going to a place across the street from the rock club called Mr. Pasta, which- as hinted at in the name- is a pasta-based restaurant. If you like pasta, you could do a lot worse than to go to Mr. Pasta, especially if you live in Wilmington, Delaware and are standing right in front of it like we were when we were seriously considering eating there for a second. I really hope I get to find out what makes Mr. Pasta tick one day.
At Bourbon Street, we had a nice waitress named Amanda who made us feel as if we had been magically whisked a way to a street called Bourbon. I ate some jambalaya, Andy ate some gumbo and a sandwich, Walter ate a salad with some shrimp and too much dressing, Arthur ate a veggie Po’ Boy and some fries, and I’m not sure what Cache ate because he was sitting at the other end of the table and was playing it close to the vest. Whatever it was though, I am pretty sure he enjoyed it a whole bunch.
After we got done totally eating stuff at Bourbon Street, we headed back down to the rock club to commence rocking. You can watch 29:04 of what happened above. The songs are in a different order than we played them, but that makes it more fun for me to watch that way as it messes with my head. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it a whole bunch.
|My Awesome New Parkour Video||
If there’s one thing I have seriously been getting into lately it’s parkour, which is a discipline focused on moving from one point to another as smoothly, efficiently and quickly as possible using the abilities of the human body, something I am awesome at. This weekend I decided to go out and make my first ever parkour video in which I show what at this point I would like to describe as my “mad parkour skills.” It was really fun and also kind of difficult at times but in the end I pretty much nailed it. There were times when I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to successfully climb this thing or that thing, but I have to say the hardest thing about it was changing outfits so many times. It was time-consuming and stuff to do that, but I really felt like it was necessary to the flow of the piece. And it was totally worth it in the end because- as you can clearly see from this video- parkour is just one more thing that I am pretty f@#king sweet at. My only regret is adding really crappy music to the video footage. I’m not sure why I did that. I guess I was just tired from all the hardcore parkouring I had been up to all weekend. That’s the thing about parkour- it will really take it out of you sometimes, especially that one trick where I fall backward off the roof and then land on my feet. When I did that, a lot of people were all like “No, Dave, don’t do it!” But then I was all like “No, I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do it!” And then I totally did it. It was super fun. And then when I was all done, I took all my friends out for one of those six-foot subs that you can get at the really reputable sandwich shops. I did this because I am generous and also because I live my life to the extreme in pretty much every situation, especially sandwich-based ones. File under: business as usual as far as Dave Hill is concerned. Okay, I have to go take an extreme shower now. I got like six loofahs.
|“Dave Hill: Big in Japan,” Thursday, August 20 at UCB. Please Come or I Will Completely Lose It.||
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that next Thursday, August 20 at 9:30pm, I will breaking out another performance of my groundbreaking and pretty f@#king sweet in general new one-man show “Big in Japan” for the second time ever in North America at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre over there in historic Chelsea. As you may have read on the Internet or seen during NY1’s Dave Hill Power Hour this past Sunday, my new “Big in Japan” show is all about how I am totally a gigantic celebrity in Japan, a country where I am so famous there are at least five medical conditions named after me, some (okay, most) of which have to do with the privates. Imagine if you combined the magic of “Cats” with the majesty of “The Color Purple” and the lion from “The Lion King” and then add all that existential stuff from “Waiting for Godot,” the profanity and gunplay of “Scarface,” and the oh-wait-that’s-a-penisness of “The Crying Game” and then throw in some sweet guitar solos and then maybe get rid of the lion from before and then maybe sprinkle in a dash of the 1970’s prison documentary “Scared Straight” and you will get a sense of the awesomeness I will be kicking out next Thursday without even trying. Also, I am going to pick out my outfit by myself. The hair will be dealt with by professionals. This show is directed like a motherf@#ker by Jeff Tomsic and assistant directed like a motherf@#ker by Nicole Brodeur. And appearing in the role of my Japanese roadie even though he is not Japanese is the great Chris Chuang. Anyway, I really hope you can make it as my show is already considered by me and a lot of other people to be the best five-dollar show going on that night at that time. And if you already saw it last time, rest assured that this next show will be at least 25% more incredible this time around because I am adding stuff to it so there will be more talking and shredding and also I might take my pants off or something. I’m still sorting it out. Just trust me on this one. Join me- won’t you?- as I put my art on the line on this, the 69th anniversary of that one time exiled Russian revolutionary Leon Trotsky was fatally wounded with an ice axe by Ramon Mercader in Mexico City, something we still talk about to this day. You can get tickets right here.
|Love Gone Wrong + Rocking Rock Music||
Here is a news clip my friend Laura sent me about a newlywed woman who hired an undercover cop as a hitman to kill her new husband. It’s pretty great, I mean, not for her, but, you know, as far as entertainment goes. Anyway, I think this girl really didn’t like her new husband too much! She tried to have him killed! That is negative.
In other news, here is a YouTube video of my rock band Valley Lodge playing one of our hits at the Bell House in Brooklyn, where we opened for Harvey Danger on their farewell tour this past Saturday night. It’s almost like you are there.