Rock on the Range in Columbus, Ohio. I Lived It, Dammit.
It’s Wednesday and I am still recovering from this past weekend in Columbus, Ohio, where I was covering the Rock on the Range festival for Cinemax, the popular premium cable television network that sometimes has naked movies on if you stay up late enough. The Rock on the Range festival is a two-day hard rock and heavy metal festival that takes place at a big soccer stadium and is attended by about 10,000 dudes with goatees and questionable tattoos and also a handful of chicks. Bands that played included Alice in Chains, Motley Crue, Korn, Slipknot, Buckcherry, and then about 30 other bands I had never heard of until I got down there because I am kind of out of it as far as what the kids are listening to these days. But I did meet and interview lots of new bands- like Shinedown, Cavo, Charm City Devils, Halestorm, Blackstone Cherry, and probably some other ones that I’m forgetting- and they were all very nice fellows whom I wish a delightful future even if I think some of them should totally rethink the hair and also maybe the pants.
My weekend at Rock on the Range was kind of summed up by the Jagermeister scooter above, though- as of this writing- I’m not exactly sure what that means either. I guess what I mean is that there was a lot of rocking and partying and whatnot going on. And at times I wanted to escape. As promised by my imagination though, I did get to see several young ladies flash their boobs, not to me, but near enough to me that as far as I was concerned I was their target audience for that sort of thing.
As you can probably imagine, I stayed at the classiest hotel in town, the Holiday Inn Express, which- to quote my cousin Meredith- is “just like a regular Holiday Inn- only shittier.” It wasn’t really shitty or anything necessarily; leaner and meaner is maybe how I would describe it (but mostly because I am in a decent mood at the moment). Also, there is a free continental breakfast which is perhaps best summed up by the photo above- you can try to lose weight, but not if the Holiday Inn Express free continental breakfast has anything to say about it. Most of my fellow hotel guests didn’t look like the type who skipped any meals, so it was an intense scene each morning around the biscuits and gravy station. I stuck with cereal to avoid someone stabbing me with a fork as I reached for the bacon.
The highlights of my lost weekend in Columbus included interviewing Alice in Chains, a band I have been a big fan of since way back in the ‘90s. They were super nice and fun to talk with and didn’t wrestle me to the ground or anything at any point during my time with them, which for some reason I thought they might though I’m not sure why. I also got to interview Tommy Lee and Mick Mars from Motley Crue, which I was kind of nervous about at first but since I am a professional I was totally fine with once that red light went on. Tommy Lee picked my nose at one point during the interview. It didn’t phase me at the time, but then later on I started to think about where that finger has been and wondered if maybe I should get some medical attention. Or just be really, really psyched. I keep going back and forth on that one. Oh, and above is a photo I took outside of Nikki Sixx and Vince Neil’s dressing room. I saw Nikki in the hallway for a second, but our meeting of the minds never took place.
I also had a surprisingly delightful interview with Slipknot. I wasn’t sure what to expect at all, but they were super nice, smart, and fun-to-talk-with guys. After a while, I even managed to forget they were covered in black greasepaint and wearing creepy horror masks. They smelled really nice too, which I also would never have expected. Keep up the good work guys. It has been noted by me, Dave Hill, a man who knows from smelling incredible.
My weekend in Columbus ended by checking out Motley Crue, the Sunday night headliner. They played all the hits. Above is a photo from behind the stage a few hours before the show. I was warned I couldn’t stand there during the show or the band’s explosives would knock me out of the stadium. I was backstage when the show started and I understood what they were talking about. The explosives were so loud and scary, I felt like a dog at a 4th of July picnic, all freaking out and running for cover.
After a couple minutes of being terrified by all the loud noises, I headed out to the soundboard to get a better/less explosive sense of things. Motley Crue played all the hits and- according to Tommy Lee anyway- there were lots of girls flashing their boobs up front. I was too far away to see though. That’s okay- now that my right nostril and Pamela Anderson’s vagina have something in common, I feel complete.
Dave Hill
May 20th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Sooo funny. That’s all I can say.
—Close, personal fan of Dave Hill’s
West coast representative
May 21st, 2009 at 7:20 am
I hear you fortuitously ran into my friend Susan. I’m hoping she kept the boob flashing to a minimum.
May 25th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Hey Mo,
Susan pretty much had them out the whole time. It was a really great weekend.
xo,
Dave
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July 25th, 2010 at 11:20 am
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July 27th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
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July 28th, 2010 at 5:58 am
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July 28th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
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July 28th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
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July 28th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
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July 29th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
A horrible tragedy this was. Billy Mays was one of the worlds greatest icons. Billy Mays was far more helpful, charismatic, and memorable than Patrick Swayze whom the who loves to talk about. We need to remember the man who always was in your face. A man that was dedicatted to the best. Who we looked up to, who we imitated, and loved in his life as we shall continue to in his death. A death which leaves the world in comparative silence, in the wake of his strong voice. RIP, Billy Mays… We online will carry on your legacy when we use ALL CAPS to type.
July 29th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
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July 29th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
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