Thanks to my friend Mike for passing along a link to the Benny Hillifier, which- as the name suggests- instantly makes any YouTube video ready to be on the Benny Hill Show (assuming Internet videos could jump in a time machine and go back and be on the late, great British comedy show “The Benny Hill Show”). Here is an example of this incredible tool at work. And no, I am not related to Benny Hill, though that question remains as funny to me now as it did when I was a kid and would be asked that question by virtually every person I ever met. It is a perfectly reasonable question and- as it turns out- always funny.
Hi. If you are in New York this Friday, you should totally go see my good friend Lucy Wainwright Roche at Joe’s Pub. Lucy’s voice and songs are unstoppable and will make you forget whatever it is your are trying to forget about as your ears fill with the aural equivalent of the most delicious candy you have ever tasted, a really classy candy favored by the people of Europe. Whenever I listen to Lucy’s music, I feel like putting a jacket on to deal with all the chills I’m getting. Even so, I recommend attending her show this Friday shirtless. You only live once. Swing for the fences. You can get tickets right here.
Because I am constantly helping out the youth of America by both deed and example, today I designed/decorated/colored a Flat Stanley for a young fella I know. I used origami paper, a picture from a wig catalog, a marker, and some colored pencils. If you ask me, the Flat Stanley ended up looking a bit like a particularly well-dressed Eric Carmen, lead singer of the great Cleveland pop band the Raspberries. This was unintentional (the Eric Carmen part), yet a bit eerie and exciting (since I am a big Raspberries fan) at the same time. That’s Flat Stanley above. That’s Eric Carmen below. You tell me. Dave Hill
Hi there. December 27- am I right or am I right? Anyway, recently I sat down with my friend Phil to make a video greeting at the request of our rock band Valley Lodge’sJapanese label. It is pretty hi-tech (in a low-tech kind of way). I hope you enjoy it on some level or another. Valley Lodge’s Japanese invasion is set for March. The entire country is getting pretty fired up about it. We are a giant rock band over there. Dave Hill
Today I write to you from a coffee shop in Shaker Heights, Ohio, just a few hundred yards away from my parents’ home in University Heights, Ohio, suburb of Cleveland. The perenially lame Goo Goo Dolls (NOTE: Their first couple albums were actually decent in a Replacements/Ramones rip-off sort of way, but who remembers those at this point?) serenade me in the background. In England and Canada (and probably some other places too), it is Boxing Day, but here in suburban Cleveland it is that gray day after Christmas when I am doing little other than plotting my next slow move and maybe typing a bit. I haven’t done much other than family stuff, though I did make it to the mall on Christmas Eve, where I quickly downed a Chick-fil-A sandwich (original recipe) served to me by a woman who was standing next to a woman who has been working at that same Chick-fil-A for- by my estimate- over twenty years now. Even twenty years ago she had a way about her that suggested she was just looking to get out of the house more than actually needing whatever Chick-fil-A pays by the hour, but that’s just me guessing. In those few and brief interactions we’ve had over the years, I’ve rarely had the gumption to ask for more than a value meal. As is usually the case when I find myself driving a rental car like I am during this visit, I make myself a mix CD or two for those times when I don’t feel like navigating the local radio dial. One of the songs on the mix I whipped up this time around is “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl” by the late (I’m guessing), great (I’m suggesting) Looking Glass. The song- as you might know- is about a bartender or cocktail waitress in a bar frequented by sailors. It’s catchy and it tells a story. What more can you really ask for in a pop song? Every time I hear it though, I can’t help but question that lyric about how Brandy serves the sailors “whiskey and wine.” Whiskey- sure, that makes sense. Sailors drinking wine though- isn’t that a little, um, gay? Something tells me the sailors walking into the bar and ordering a nice Pinot Grigio are sitting at their own table. Don’t get me wrong- I like wine, even a nice Pinot Grigio. But if I were a sailor, it would be whiskey, rum, and beer all the time. Also, I might wear an eye patch and punch people for no apparent reason. Then again, who am I calling gay? After all, I’m the one listening to “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)” in my rental car. In other news, my friend Maureen’s brother was out driving at night in Illinois or Minnesota (I forget which) and hit a rabbit last week or maybe the week before. He looked back to see nothing lying in the road and assumed the rabbit must have survived the altercation. When he walked out to his car the following morning though, he found out otherwise. Poor little guy. That just looks painful. And I’m sure a wild rabbit dying in the grill of a Mercedes is a metaphor for something or another, but I just can’t think of what that might be right now.
This past Friday, I woke up at 4:30am (which is really early and was also especially difficult since just hours earlier I had my Dave Hill Explosion show with excellent special guest A.C. Newman at UCB. There is little writeup here, by the way) to fly to West Palm Beach, Florida to interview tennis greats Venus and Serena Williams and Jelena Jankovic for HBO, the popular premium cable television network. Being a tennis great in my own mind and all, it was a real treat to spend the day with my peers and completely test their patience. Above is a picture of me with number one-ranked tennis great Jelena Jankovic, who is from Serbia and seriously great at tennis. In this photo, I am demonstrating what the kids might call my “mad ball skillz.” Word.
Hello. This is that guy Dave Hill again writing to remind you one last time that TOMORROW, December 18 at 9:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, located in the heart of New York City’s can-do Chelsea neighborhood, I will be touching hearts, minds, and at times even my own privates during a little something I like to call the Dave Hill Explosion a/k/a the show that makes “Wicked” look like a goddamn kindergarten talent show at a school where all the kids are, like, not really all that talented, even for little kids. I know a lot of shows this time of year make promises of being a “Holiday Spectacular” or some such thing. And while the holidays (all of them) will occasionally be hinted at, alluded to, and at times even directly referenced throughout the night, I can assure you that my show will ultimately be a letdown when it comes to matters of the holidays (some of them). However, if you would like to see a show that will deliver to you one solid hour of entertainment so staggering that it will make you want to have intercourse sex with me or even anyone simply standing near me then, well, you are really gonna like this show I am totally going to be putting on tomorrow night. As for the intercourse sex, however, I make no promises as I am a busy man. Anyway, I really hope you can come to my show tomorrow night. Aside from all the heat I will bringing on my own without even trying, I will be joined tomorrow by rock great A.C. Newman a/k/a Carl Newman from the great Canadian rock group the New Pornographers, celebrity psychic (which is to say a psychic who traffics in celebrities) John Cohan, and a third surprise guest whom you will no doubt find to be both surprising and guestlike in nature (not Lil’ John nor Lil’ Wayne, as rumored on the pages of Smooth). And, of course, to my right, left, and sometimes directly behind and/or in front of me will be my mysterious bearded sidebitch Phil, who is from parts unknown but maintains an undisclosed local residence. Join us, won’t you? It is just five bucks, which is not so much really. “Does this ticket come with a time machine to 1978? Because I cannot believe how little I have paid for it,” you will be saying to yourself upon entry. Ha! Can you imagine? You can get tickets right here.
In an effort to spend even more time on the Internet, I have just joined Twitter, the popular website I simultaneously love and hate. You can waste time with me, by clicking here. Come, Armageddon, come! Dave Hill
My Slade obsession continues. Today I encourage you to check out this video of the band playing their excellent rock song “Gudbuy T’Jane” on some European music show (note the host in the beginning- he’s pretty awesome). As of this writing, I think this song may very well be the best shaker song ever, which is to say the use of the percussive instrument known in the shaker is unrivaled in my expert rock opinion. I hope you enjoy it so much. Play air shaker if you want. I do. Also, please not the band’s hair in this video. It is quite simply without parallel. Dave Hill