Archive for September, 2008


Toilet For A King
30th
Sep


This past weekend, while walking in the rain down 11th Avenue, I happened upon a display window for a general contracting business. It was there I spotted this toilet for a king, complete with what appears to be the padding from a Barcalounger with a big hole cut in it above the toilet bowl so the lucky owner can crap in absolute comfort and style. Since captains of industry can’t be slowed down by bodily functions, the toilet also comes with a circa-1998 laptop and cordless telephone mounted on a glass desk (so you can still look down at your crotch while you crap/make important deals. Hey- business magnates are no different from us in that regard). I’m guessing the current Wall Street situation has maybe slowed down sales of this incredible toilet, but once the whole mess is sorted out this general contracting business will be ready to make luxury shitting a reality for those who expect the best. Mark my words- I will own this toilet some day. And there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me!

Dave Hill

2,057 comments »

America’s Next Top President
29th
Sep


I finally got around to watching Katie Couric’s interview with Sarah Palin this morning. In case you haven’t seen it, here is a partial clip. It’s pretty incredible. I’m stating the obvious here, but- wow!- Sarah Palin is stunningly inarticulate, uninformed, and, well, just kind of a remarkable dope. I wouldn’t even be comfortable ordering donuts from this woman. Still, she will be president in about two years (my prediction for when McCain will be called home by Satan) if the dopes prevail.

There are lots of amazing quotes here, but my favorite at the moment is around the 7:17 mark where she talks about how we will be “lulled into fault sense of security.” My guess is Sarah Palin is one of those people who use the word “supposively” and/or “supposably” instead of “supposedly.” She no like book learning! That’s for snobs!

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s opening bit spoofing the Palin/Couric interview on SNL this weekend was awesome. Still- and I know I’m not alone on this one either- I can’t decide which is funnier, Tina or the real thing.

I assume I’m preaching to the choir here, but please Vote Obama or I’ll be writing to you from Canada next year!

Dave Hill

1,992 comments »

America’s Next Top President
29th
Sep


I finally got around to watching Katie Couric’s interview with Sarah Palin this morning. In case you haven’t seen it, here is a partial clip. It’s pretty incredible. I’m stating the obvious here, but- wow!- Sarah Palin is stunningly inarticulate, uninformed, and, well, just kind of a remarkable dope. I wouldn’t even be comfortable ordering donuts from this woman. Still, she will be president in about two years (my prediction for when McCain will be called home by Satan) if the dopes prevail.

There are lots of amazing quotes here, but my favorite at the moment is around the 7:17 mark where she talks about how we will be “lulled into fault sense of security.” My guess is Sarah Palin is one of those people who use the word “supposively” and/or “supposably” instead of “supposedly.” She no like book learning! That’s for snobs!

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s opening bit spoofing the Palin/Couric interview on SNL this weekend was awesome. Still- and I know I’m not alone on this one either- I can’t decide which is funnier, Tina or the real thing.

I assume I’m preaching to the choir here, but please Vote Obama or I’ll be writing to you from Canada next year!

Dave Hill

2,885 comments »

Valley Lodge Japanese Album Out Today
26th
Sep


I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to buy a version of the first Valley Lodge album with bonus tracks and Japanese writing all over it, now you can. Today our exciting Japanese album is released in Japanese via This Time Records/Power Pop Academy, a Japanese record label-type organization. You can see our album on sale to people who can read Japanese and make sense of the whole thing right here. It’s fun to imagine someone across the world sitting there listening to our music and (even better) actually liking it. Meanwhile, a world away, I sit here unshowered, unshaven, and unlikely to leave the house anytime soon as a revolution is underway in the East. At least that’s how I like to imagine it anyway.

Dave Hill

2,103 comments »

Mirmania
25th
Sep


The first annual Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival kicks off tonight and you should totally go. It is full of seriously good shows that in turn are full of seriously good performers that in turn will be be attended by seriously good people (I am pointing to you). The full schedule can be viewed right here. There is even a MySpace page. I am doing two shows in the festival. Please come or I will become unreasonable. The future is a couple minutes from now.

Dave Hill

2,372 comments »

David Rakoff And Me In An Elevator
24th
Sep


Today I write to you from a brightly lit coffee shop that is playing bad reggae from a speaker just inches from my head. It’s truly a horrible decision I’ve made. Anyway, here is another video of me interviewing someone in an elevator for New York Magazine. This time around it’s David Rakoff- friend, author, and known Canadian. Watch it now on your computer that you are looking at right now, won’t you?

Dave Hill

2,668 comments »

The Internet And Its Unstoppable Unstoppability
24th
Sep


Here are a few things you should watch and enjoy in your spare time (which is to say right now). First, watch my friend the great Chris Schneider in this inspired dramatic reading of the transcript of a town meeting from Wasilla, Alaska (you know, where that town pump Palin used to be mayor).

Next, watch my friend the incredible Mike Albo in this next installment of “The Underminer.” Mike rules, owns, and all that kind of stuff.

In other news, I got some nice mentions about my Fashion Week video on Gawker, Boing Boing, and Driven By Boredom. Who’s a failure now, Mommy? Who’s a failure now?!?!

Dave Hill

2,462 comments »

Possibly Gay Socks Now Living In My Apartment
23rd
Sep


Last night, after a seriously killer workout at one of the many gyms near my house that I routinely tear up like a motherfucker to the delight and amazement of pretty much everyone else at the gym, I walked past a seriously gay store in the seriously gay neighborhood I live in and spotted some awesome socks in the window (pictured above). As you can see, they feature a legstrap with a knife on them, which is pretty great. Since they were sitting in the window of a seriously gay store though, I thought maybe there was some gay code about having a knife on your leg that these socks were referring to. I’m not really hip to the gay code though (aside from that snapping thing, which pretty much everyone- gay or totally not gay- understands at this point), so I had no idea what that code might be. Still, these socks were so awesome I didn’t care- I just wanted them on my feet immediately, regardless of their sexual orientation.

At the risk of making everyone who might have seen me enter the seriously gay store assume that I prefer the company of men (not true- I have made out with, like, five or six girls who really seemed to enjoy it as best I can tell), I barged right into the seriously gay store and said “Listen up- I don’t care if everyone thinks I’m gay for coming in here- even thought I’m not- I just want to own those socks with the knife on the sides. And I don’t care if that knife thing is some crazy gay code for some homosexual practice that I may have never even heard of- I want those socks on my feet right now because I love them and want to spend the rest of my life with them!” Actually, I only really thought all that stuff, but still all the totally gay guys in the store knew what was on my mind and said “Can I help you with anything?” in unison, just like you might expect.

“Hey, gay guy- I want those socks with the knife on the sides please!,” I politely said to one of the gay guys who was working there.

“Sure thing,” the gay guy said. Then I paid for the socks and the gay guy put them in a gay bag that I thought about telling him I didn’t need because it’s just a pair of socks and I could just put them in my pocket. But then I was afraid he would think that maybe I didn’t want to carry the bag because I was afraid that everyone would think I was gay (even though I am so totally not gay it’s actually kind of ridiculous). Since I was in the seriously gay store buying some seriously gay socks already though, I am hoping the gay guy knew that I was a completely open-minded and totally straight guy who just likes awesome socks whether they or gay or not. I am not a man who judges a sock for what it does on its own time and I am fairly certain the gay guy at the store appreciated that. Even so, I took the gay bag anyway so as not to hurt his gay feelings. And and if anyone looked at me while I was carrying the gay bag down the street I yelled “I’m here! I’m a straight guy carrying a gay bag down the street! Get used to it!” And they did.

Once I got the socks back home, I kept my eye on them for a while to see if they did anything particularly queer or not. Similarly, I kept tabs on myself for any signs of gayness that might have occurred as a result of walking into a totally gay store and buying a totally gay pair of socks (as many Americans will tell you- sometimes this is all it takes for full-on gayness to set in). So far no gayness of any sort has taken place though (unless you count the fact that when it was time for the male strippers to dance on the Robin Byrd Show I didn’t always change the channel. But that’s mostly because I am lazy and know that there will be another naked chick on the screen soon enough if I just be patient. I used the male stripper time to check my e-mail like a totally not gay person who wants to make the best use of his time when gayness is afoot). And hey, if the socks decided to do anything really gay in my place, I would be perfectly fine with it. All things being kind of equal, however, I looked at the website listed on the tag for the socks and it seemed to just be a regular sock website and not a gay sock website (though, for the record, as websites go, ones devoted to just socks are pretty gay to begin with). Admittedly, it was my insecurity that led me to check on the socks sexual orientation. But even if the website confirmed that my socks were totally gay, I would have loved them just the same. They would be slipped on my feet and worn for several days until the stench became unbearable, just like all my other socks, even if they had never known the love of a good woman.

I guess if there is anything to learn from all of this it’s that- hey- we’re not so different after all. One man can grow up wherever he grew up, turn totally gay, move to New York City and be totally into really gay stuff all the time (like other gay dudes, for example), and then decide to walk into pretty much the gayest store ever and buy some sexually ambiguous socks with a knife on them. Then another guy (me), can grow up a major poonhound in Cleveland, move to New York City, where he is so into chicks it’s not even fucking funny, and walk into the same seriously gay store and buy the same pair of sexually ambiguous socks. Somehow the world keeps turning. And you know what? I love my gay socks, I really do. Even if they are a couple of major homos.

Dave Hill

1,776 comments »

New Fashion Week Video + Explosive Explosion In Review
22nd
Sep


I attended the most recent Fashion Week and totally went and made a video about it with my friends at Disposable Television. Watch it now and then forward to everyone you have ever commuicated with via the Internet ever.

In other news, last week’s Dave Hill Explosion show featuring special guests Steve Guttenberg, Chris March, and TAB the Band was explosively explosive (as noted in the photed above). It was a fun show and all the guests were super nice and excellent. You can get the full scoop via the lovely writeup by Sara Schaefer on the Best Week Ever blog.. Below is a nice shot of me, Steve, and Phil coming down after all the excitement.

Dave Hill

2,190 comments »

Martha Plimpton And Me: Now In Futuristic Embeddable Format
22nd
Sep


Recently I linked to an exciting video interview I did with the lovely and talented Martha Plimpton for New York Magazine. A few seconds ago I figured out how to embed it into my blog, so here it is all over again. Watch it and stuff right now. Don’t be alarmed by the short ad that appears first though. Sit tight and the interview will play right after. It will totally be worth it.

Dave Hill

2,325 comments »



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