Yesterday was the Gay Pride parade here in New York City. I tend to think parades in general are kind of gay, but this one was, like, seriously gay. And since I live in the West Village, a totally gay neighborhood, I was pretty much at ground zero as far as the gayness was concerned. Everywhere I looked there were gays being totally gay with each other and a lot of the non-gays who were checking out all the gay action that was taking place. It was a lot of fun for gays and non-gays alike, including me- a guy who is so totally not gay that it’s not even fucking funny.
To be honest, I missed most of the totally gay festivities myself because I was in my apartment doing stuff (which, for an apartment belonging to a non-gay, is actually pretty gay the more I think about it), but towards the end of the day I decided to step out and take in some of the gayness that people were breaking out without even trying. There were gay men, gay women, gay men dressed as straight women (my favorite was a big dude who was wearing a simple denim skirt and black tank top. He looked like someone’s friend from work who came in on the PATH train for happy hour and was also named Jan. It was a nice choice), gay women who looked kind of like suburban dudes who hang out at sports bars and stuff, and even a few gay dogs totally hanging out and being really gay. One second I’d be looking at some gay guy being all gay and I’d be all like “Dude, that is so gay” and then the next thing I know I’d see some other gay guy acting even gayer and I’d be all like “Oh wait, now that is totally the gayest thing I have ever seen.” Then I’d turn the corner and see someone else being even gayer than that really gay guy and the whole thing would start all over again. It was pretty awesome. And really, really gay.
One of my favorite things about the Pride Parade is the fact that there are cops in full uniform everywhere. I wonder if the irony is lost on them that they’re uniforms are, like, totally gay. I saw a bunch of them standing on a corner and I wanted to ask them which float they rode on but then I decided against it.
The only bad thing about the parade this year was that I never got a chance to catch up with Dykes on Bikes. Those chicks rule. And a lot of them ride around topless, which is awesome. We could all learn a little something from the Dykes on Bikes. I totally want one of them to make me their bitch or something.
Anyway, now it is Monday and this town is settling back down into standard gayness, which is still pretty gay but not nearly as gay as it was yesterday, the gayest day ever. There’s a part of me that wishes the Pride Parade were every day. It keeps things fun if you ask me. And I do love a parade. I guess I’ll just have to wait until next year.
|Yet Another Valley Lodge Song Totally Available For Listening To On The Internet||
Hi. Sundays, am I right? Anyway, if you would like to hear some more rock action from my rock band Valley Lodge, you should totally go to our MySpace page all over again and listen to another brand new song we just posted. This one’s called “Barricade” and it rocks balls, dammit. It was written by our man out west, John Kimbrough. It’s good for driving, banging, whatever- pretty much like all of our other songs. I hope you like it so much. Go listen to it now by clicking right here. And while you’re there, listen to all of our other songs on our Myspace page too. I mean, F it, right?
|Another Valley Lodge Song Totally Available For Listening To||
Hi there. As mentioned earlier, we are in the middle of mix the new album of one of my unstoppable rock bands, Valley Lodge. You can hear our newest new song “If You Love Me” by going to our MySpace Page, which is located right here. I hope you like it so much. Add it to your MySpace profile and stuff. Go crazy. It will seriously be a lot of fun and stuff if you do that.
I have been deeply in love with Isabella Rosellini for about as long as I have been capable of such things. In an alternate universe, we hang out and talk about everything and nothing at all, try to figure out what to have for lunch, and just sort of, you know, be. It’s pretty great. Anyway, you maybe have already seen this, but that Isabella created a bunch of videos detailing the sex lives of insects and other creatures from the non-human kingdom called “Green Porno.” Girl getting all freaky- I love it! They are really pretty incredible. They are on the Sundance Channel but you can also totally watch them on the internet right here and you totally should, especially if you want to see Isabella Rosellini dressed up as a praying mantis, which is an image that’s been getting me in trouble for weeks now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it so much. And Isabella- if you’re reading this- just know that I love you more than you will ever know.
|Weekend In Review||
It was an action-packed weekend full of all sorts of mayhem. On Friday night, one of my hot rock bands Children of the Unicorn played at Fontana’s to what is known in the trade as a “small but appreciative crowd.” I broke a string during the set from all my shredding, which hasn’t happened in a while. I guess I was just bringing a little extra heat or something. You’ll get that sometimes. I didn’t stick around for too much hangin’ and bangin’ after the show because I had to get up early on Saturday.
Saturday was spent shooting stuff that will appear at some point on cable television and also the Internet in conjunction with the upcoming election that everyone is talking about. I will keep you posted. After a long day of shooting, I headed over to Karma over there on First Avenue to do Greg Barris’ Heart of Darkness show, which was a lot fun despite the smoky basement. It’s weird how just a few years after the smoking ban I wonder how we all put up with that foul air all the time. Ah, we were just kids then, kids who loved to smoke like the wind!
I was pretty tired from shooting all day on Saturday so I ended up heading home soon after my set in that smoky basement. I stopped off along the way to stuff my face with some Italian food in hopes of recreating some of the magic from my trip to Italy. It didn’t work though. The shit just didn’t deliver even though the restaurant I went to was one of my favorite places to go pre-Italy trip. I guess maybe I’m ruined for a while. I did pick up a bottle of grappa before making the climb up to my apartment and that seemed to do the trick a little bit. I drank a small glass and then hid it from myself so I wouldn’t get into too much trouble. So far, so good.
Yesterday I went to the New York Bar Show over there at the Jacob Javits Center to make a new funtime Internet video that should hopefully totally be on the Internet sometime soon. As hinted at in the name, the New York Bar Show is all about the bar and alcohol industry and everything that goes along with it (except for the groping). They had all sorts of new liquors for the tasting that folks are hoping become really popular in America. There were also self-cleaning toilets (really something), mechanical bulls (harder than I expected), and free pizza (pizza-like in nature). Taking in all of that stuff in just a couple hours was a lot for my system to handle but I did my best to take it like a man. This morning I woke up with a headache and a big bruise on my wrist and was disturbed to remember that it was a mechanical bull and some drink called the “Skittle” that were most likely to blame. Oh, well anything for show business.
After the bar show mayhem, I headed over to the Beauty Bar to do a set on Vince Averill and Jesse Popp’s show. It was fun but dammit I was still really feeling the repercussions from the bull and the Skittle. I headed out right after the show and downed a pint of ice cream before I went to bed in hopes that I would wake up with something, anything else to blame for feeling lousy when I woke up this morning. Didn’t really work. I still feel like crap and now I just have one more (delicious) thing to blame.
In other news, last week my friend Kurt Hernon swung by my apartment to take some photos of my rock band Valley Lodge for our Japanese album that is supposed to come out soon. That is one of the photos above. Not too shabby. But I still can’t get the hair right. Some day, some day.
|New Valley Lodge Song Available For Totally Listening To||
Hello there. As rumored in the Scandinavian press, my incredible rock band Valley Lodge has been hard at work recording an incredible new album. You can hear one of the new songs, “Comin’ Around,” now on our MySpace page, which is totally located right here. It is the perfect song to listen to while driving around, banging, or doing whatever else you want to do while listening to it. I hope you enjoy it so much. More to come soon.
|Bare Behind Bars||
Last night I performed at the Rock-n-ROFL show over there at Piano’s. It was fun times. I skipped out before the Futureheads went on though because I was pretty wiped out. On the way out of the Lower East Side I stopped off at Katz’s Deli for a Knoblewurst (garlic sausage) sandwich to go, which quickly took me out of commission for the rest of the night (only in a really nice, garlic sausagey kind of way that I would totally do all over again right now if I could). As I stumbled west toward home in a garlic sausage-induced haze, I happened upon Kim’s Video off of Bleecker and decided to stop in.
And that is where I struck gold.
Sitting on the used DVD rack was a movie called “Bare Behind Bars,” a Brazilian film (awesomely overdubbed in English) directed by the great Oswaldo de Oliveira and priced to move at just $7.95. The tagline of the movie is “Behind bars no one can hear you scream.” When I got home though, I quickly discovered that the tagline should have been “Behind bars there is absolutely no reason to wear underwear or ever button up your prison uniform all the way either, cuz that shit aint’ stayin’ on for long.” Needless to say, it’s a pretty great film.
As you’ve probably guessed by now, “Bare Behind Bars” takes place at a women’s prison, a really awesome women’s prison where the female prisoners pretty much can’t stay out of trouble or in their clothes no matter how hard they try. Ditto for the female warden and prison guards who are constantly handing out their own swift brand of justice, which usually involves either hosing down all the prisoners to keep them from shivving each other or demanding that they remove all their clothes for no apparent reason pretty much every other scene in the movie. Sometimes the female prisoners get so out of hand that the female prison guards have to take them down into some crazy dungeon to punish them. Usually the punishment involves whipping them, hosing them down some more, grabbing the prisoners’ boobs, making the prisoners grab their boobs, and then making the prisoners have sex of the girl-on-girl variety with them, which for some reason or another the prisoners never seem to be all that opposed to no matter how many times it happens throughout the movie.
It’s not all tough times in the women’s prison though. Every once in a while, the female prisoners get to hit the showers together and they really seem to enjoy that. About twenty or so of them will get all lathered up and then rub up against each other and scream and giggle a whole bunch like it was some kind of contest or something. Then they pair off and have sex on the ground outside of the showers, which of course ends up getting them dirty all over again so they have to hit the showers some more. Naturally, the female prison guards don’t like this so much so all of this just leads to more punishment. Then the whole thing starts all over again. It’s that awesome.
I should probably point out that I only had a chance to watch the first fifteen minutes of so of the popular film “Bare Behind Bars” last night. I hope am hoping to dig in to the rest tonight. I will return with my full report very soon. I promise. You know I wouldn’t leave you hanging like that.
|When In Rome And Stuff||
Oh yeah, I meant to mention this a couple posts ago, but when we were in Rome we stayed at this awesome bed and breakfast called Residenza Maritti. It was awesome- centrally located, reasonably priced, insane views of the city, and just delightful all around. If you ever go to Rome, you should totally stay there. Thanks to Gianluca for making it all happen.
|Two Children Of The Unicorn Shows You Should Totally Come To||
Hi there. If you like rocking rock music of the rock variety, I am totally suggesting you come see me rock balls with Children of the Unicorn this Friday, June 20 at Fontana’s over there at 105 Eldridge Street. We rock it at 11:30pm, but come early and see the Tall Pines too, dammit. Then on Wednesday, June 25 you should totally come see us rock balls at the Mercury Lounge over there at 217 East Houston Street when we open up for Moby’s new band Little Death. We go on at 8:30pm, a completely reasonable and rock-capable time of the evening. Shit’s gonna be crazy, heat will be brought, hanging and banging, the whole deal. You should totally come, like, for real.