Archive for October, 2007
It is Halloween and the day is full of possibilities, candy, and girls dressed as sluts. I have not decided how I am going to handle all of this just yet (aside from dressing up as Edie Beale again, that is).
Last night, I hosted the fuck out of an event for the popular LVHRD organization called FSHNDL IV: UNDD BLL. As you may have gathered by now, the LVHRD people are entirely opposed to the use of vowels. Seriously, they really seem to hate them. So in simpler times I might have told you that the Live Hard organization put on an event called Fashion Duel IV: Undead Ball. As of this writing, however, this is simply not possible.
Anyway, the vowel-less event that I hosted the fuck out of last night was good times and involved- among other things- two design teams (Eventide and the Lake and the Stars) going toe-to-toe in a battle of wits, electrical tape, paper, and scissors to design elaborate gowns for two models who were standing around in their underwear to the delight of me and pretty much anyone else in attendance who might be a sucker for that sort of thing (i.e. drunk dudes). There was free stuff to drink (courtesy of the Dewar’s and Brooklyn Brewery people), loud music (courtesy of DJ Woodman), and people covered in fake blood that smelled just like chocolate (courtesy of a genius I would love to meet). All in all, not bad for a Tuesday. Next time I will bring the whole family. Seriously though, dammit, the LVHRD people- despite their hatred of vowels- know how to cook up a good time and for that (and many other things) they are to be commended. Next time they have some shit going on you should totally go cuz you will be loving that shit like a motherfucker.
In other news, here is a video for Slade’s “Cum on Feel the Noize.” Most Americans probably know Quiet Riot’s version of the song. But let the record show it is originally by Slade and I think their version is pretty great (too). Also, Slade’s guitar player is named Dave Hill (the guy with the impressive bangs) so I’m kind of biased here, you know, because that’s my name too. And don’t even get me started on the plaid vest/pants/hat combo. Screw those tight silver suits we were promised, in the future I hope everyone dresses just like this.
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In case you haven’t rocked out properly today, here is one of the best rock bands of all time, Pentagram, bringing it in 1983 with the song “Sign of the Wolf.” The quality of this video isn’t great, but hopefully you can still feel the heat.
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It is Sunday night and- as usual- I have all sorts of excitement to report. For starters, a few days ago a radio piece I did about auditions for an upcoming movie about the Notorious B.I.G. was on the popular public radio program Fair Game. You can listen to that shit right here. That is a link to the whole show but if you live the on-the-go lifestyle you can just click to right about in the middle of the program and that’s totally where I start talking. If you have time, however, I would encourage you to listen to the entire program since it is seriously good. I’ll take what I can get though. Whatever you listen to, I hope you enjoy the fuck out of that shit.
On the rock front, Thursday night I went to see Down, the popular southern rock group featuring guys from such seriously good bands as Pantera, Corrosion of Conformity, Crowbar, and Eyehategod. As rock shows go, this was one of the larger sausage parties I have witnessed in some time, with dudes outnumbering chicks by about 50 to 1. Still, it was good times. And no waiting for the ladies room! Also, there was no opening band, which I didn’t have a problem with. Instead, they showed a cool video before the show that mixed home movie footage of Down in with awesome footage of sweet bands like Thin Lizzy, Deep Purple, AC/DC, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Black Sabbath, and a few others. I wish they would show this video before concerts by bands like Fallout Boy and Good Charlotte and stuff so people who like shitty bands could get schooled on stuff that doesn’t suck. Most of the people at the Down show already knew what time it was.
After the sweet video was done playing, Down came out and rocked balls for a couple hours, playings songs from all three of their albums. About halfway through the show I was thinking how cool it would be if Down just played every night and then I could just come and rock out like a motherfucker every night. I tried that with Ben and Jerry’s once though and after a while I couldn’t get my pants on. Maybe there would be similar adverse effects to rocking out to Down every night. I guess I will never really know for sure. I hope they come back again soon though. God I love to party.
On Friday night, I pulled a 180 by going to see Morrissey at the Hammerstein Ballroom. I was pretty fired up about this show too and Morrissey didn’t disappoint. I maybe would have picked a slightly different setlist but other than that I was loving that shit. I will say that I found most of the aging rock fans in attendance (most of the people there appeared to be in their 30s and 40s. Gross!) to be pretty annoying what with their pushing their way through the crowd all night to go to the bar or the bathroom and their off-key singing along to Morrissey at full volume next to my head and all. I hope I don’t get like that when I’m all grown up. Some of these people deserved a serious cockpunching (and I was just the guy to give it to them!). Still, I had a nice time. Keep up the good work, Morrissey.
Since I lead the party lifestyle and all, I went out Saturday night too, dammit. This time I headed over to Irving Plaza for the Comedians of Comedy show. It was a great lineup that featured Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford, Eugene Mirman, David Cross, Aziz Ansari, John Mulaney, Heather Lawless, and even some other people besides all of those people I just mentioned. Since I had been riding the party train for a few days straight at this point, however, I split a little early and missed some of the performers. Shame on me. Still, what I saw was great and I heard what I missed was great too. If the Comedians of Comedy come to your town, I encourage you to go see the fuck out of that shit like a motherfucker.
Speaking of partying and whatnot, I wanted to mention a beer that I have been enjoying of late. It’s called Dale’s Pale Ale and it comes in an adorable can. I had some at a restaurant a couple weeks ago and I enjoyed it so much that a couple hours ago I went out and bought a whole fuckload of it at the grocery store. Now I can party without leaving the house, which will be great for me. I hope I don’t wake up with my pants or my dignity missing again. I am getting seriously tired of that shit. I will keep you posted on this and other topics in the very near future.
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It has been an action-packed past several days, full of all sorts of mayhem and goings-on and whatnot. On Friday, one of my hot rock bands, Children of the Unicorn, opened for the popular English rock band the Wildhearts at Club Exit in Greenpoint as part of the popular CMJ festival. Apparently Club Exit normally operates as a Polish disco of sorts so it was all decked-out like somewhere someone might go to drink Zima or Polish Zima or something and then dance the night away like a motherfucker. It’s always fun when the venue itself brings a little something to the table. As for the rock show, it was our first show in a while. Still, I would like to think we rocked it effectively despite the crappy sound and other fairly standard rock obstacles. After our set, I watched the Wildhearts for a bit (Dave-approved) and then poked my head in down the street at the Black Rabbit, one of my favorite bars in NYC. Sometimes I wish it were in my neighborhood so I could go there all the time. But then it would be in the West Village and there would be a bunch of A-holes showing up. I guess I will just have to make the trek to Greenpoint more often and totally go to that sweet bar and drink the fuck out of shit.
On Saturday, I headed to the Nokia Theater in Times Square to be the official dancer for the Tri-State area’s #3 heavy metal tribute to the Bee Gees, Tragedy, as they opened for the popular jam band Umphrey’s McGee. This was an evening that combined a few things I am generally opposed to- cheesy music venues named after a large corporation and 2007 Times Square for example- but it was still a fun night. I am always glad to put on a tight outfit in the name of rock (and dancing). After the show I even got to see some young girl puke all over the lobby and I felt alive for the first time.
On Sunday night, the mayhem continued as I headed to Union Hall in Park Slope to do the Tearing the Veil of Maya comedy show they have there most Sundays. It was a great lineup with Eugene Mirman, Patton Oswalt, Aziz Ansari, Demetri Martin, and even me. It’s always fun to do shows that I enjoy both as a performance and audience member and this was totally one of those for me. And I really like Union Hall a ton. I wish that was closer to my house too. Then I could totally just go there all the time and stuff and sit and talk and drink and talk some more.
The excitement continued Monday as I was a guest on Leo Allen and Tony Camin’s popular Broin’ Out show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Other guests on the show included Joe Mande and Noah Garfinkel, Variety Shac, and Carl Arnheiter. It was a fun time and Shonali Bhowmik played a couple songs that I was digging like a motherfucker. That is a photo of me and Carl that was taken by Anya Garrett during the show above. Look how much we are enjoying ourselves!
Later on Monday night, I ended up heading back to the UCB Theatre to guest host the popular Crash Test show, which featured the very funny comedians Dan Levy, Liam McEneaney, and Julian McCullough. My buddies Brett Gelman and Jon Daly (not the popular golfer of the same name though even I myself have trouble telling them apart sometimes) came out and helped me do some entertaining in between performers and then my man Phil came out and sang a Children of the Unicorn song to close the show. Good times, good times.
As if all of the above weren’t enough for four or five days, last night I went to a bar called Under the Volcano to make a cameo appearance on the futuristic high-definition cable television series “Three Sheets,” which is also on Mojo, the futuristic television network on which my incredible program “The King of Miami” is broadcast like a motherfucker (It is also- for the record- available for download on
Amazon.com. “Three Sheets” host Zane Lamprey is a great and funny guy. Unfortunately, however, he made me drink a bunch of tequila on the show so I feel like twelve bucks right now. I did get a free T-shirt out of it though, so I’m putting this one in the win column.
Now it is Wednesday and I am all like “What is next, dammit?” I am sure I will think of something and it will be incredible. Until then, I leave you with this life-altering photo my friend Carlen just sent me:
Whoever is responsible for this, please keep up the good work. You have made the world a better place.
In other news, I have been listening to Monster Magnet around the house a lot lately. Here is one of their sweet videos.
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Yesterday I got some sad news that an old friend of mine, Chas Smith, passed away, just a few weeks past his 50th birthday. Chas and I played together for a few years in Cobra Verde. He was and is a legend, a true original. I can’t really do him justice here, but Chas’ buddy Ivan Stang tells part of the story here. A nice tribute page has been put up here. The photo above is of Chas with a guy who called himself Captain Fireball whom we met on the street in Memphis when Cobra Verde toured with J. Mascis and the Fog a few years back. That day, Chas almost met his match in the true original department. It’s one of my fondest memories of my time traveling the country with him and the rest of the Cobra Verde guys. Anyway, we could all use a little Chas in us (and if that sounds a little dirty, it’s just because I know Chas would get a little chuckle out of it).
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If you- like me- don’t have high-definition cable television, then I have some incredible news for you. The entire first (only?) season of my incredible television program “The King of Miami with Dave Hill” (which normally comes to you in the futuristic high-definition television format on the popular <a href=”
http://mojohd.com/mojoseries/kingofmiami/” target=”_blank”>Mojo Network) is now available for download on the popular Amazon.com website. You can download all six episodes right here for $1.99 each, which is exactly what I pay for coffee each morning even though I know I should just make it in my apartment but whatever. Anyway, why not go to Amazon.com and download my popular television program now and then totally watch it on your computer? I should point out that I will not profit from your actions if you decide to do so- I just really want you to watch the fuck out of my television program. I hope you enjoy it so much. It is really something.
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Hello. Hi. How are you? I am fine. Thanks for asking. Anyway, thanks to some bastard who complained to YouTube that one of my videos had “inappropriate content” (in this case, an old flaccid donger), my YouTube page got removed and I had to start all over and build myself a new one. I don’t have all my videos reposted yet (and the one with the old donger will just have to stay down I guess), but I am working on it. My incredible new YouTube page can be found here.
In other news, here is an interview I did with the great Jeffrey Tambor not entirely long ago. I’ve interviewed a ton of interesting people- both famous and not- over the last few years and I have to say Jeffrey was definitely one of my favorites. The guy rules. There is more to this interview than you will see here, but hopefully more will be posted soon.
Finally, here is a video of Canadian Nick Gilder performing his great song “Hot Child In The City” from back in the ’70’s. I wish people still wrote songs like this instead of just wearing their hair like that and thinking that’s enough.
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Here is a song/video by the New Jersey rock band the Atomic Bitchwax that has been rocking my balls lately. Generally speaking, there is not enough balls-rocking going on in the world anymore. I commend these guys for doing their part. I hope you enjoy this video so much and that it effectively rocks your general crotch region today. Also, these guys score extra points for the hand claps. Thanks, guys- it has been noted like a motherfucker.
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During my formative years in my hometown of Cleveland, Ohio, one of my favorite things to do was to read Michael Heaton’s weekly “Minister of Culture” column in the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Each week Michael managed to be smart and funny and- perhaps most importantly- made me realize I wasn’t alone in this world, dammit. He’s still smart and funny and now there’s a book of some of his best feature-length reporting called ”Truth and Justice for Fun and Profit” that I urge you to totally buy the fuck out of (which is to say purchase a copy for yourself and then a few others for your loved ones and then maybe a few more copies after that for reasons to be determined later). If you don’t like this book, you can find me and kick me in the nuts. And for you Us Weekly types, I’ll also tell you that Michael is the brother of television’s Patricia Heaton. But shame on you if that even factors into the equation for you here. The more impressive thing is that Michael co-authored the autobiography of talk show legend Mike Douglas. Beat that, motherfucker. Anyway, my point is that Michael Heaton is a great writer and one of the first people in my life who dared me to dream (without him even realizing it I am guessing), so- once again- buy the fuck out of this book right here. And if it doesn’t work out for you, well, you know where to find my nuts.
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Here is a show I am totally going to be on tonight. If you are in New York City you should check that shit out, dammit.
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