8th
Aug
Bad News For Venom, Bad News For America

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I just got word that Venom, the legendary English black metal masters, have had to cancel their entire North American tour due to “immigration problems,” which I’m guessing means someone somewhere decided that North America just couldn’t handle it, which- to be fair- is probably true. Anyway, in these crazy times we live in, I think it’s extra important that satanic metal bands like Venom come over to this increasingly lame land of ours and rock everyone’s balls off, which is to say- Dammit, we need Venom now more than ever. On the other hand, I’m kind of relieved that their tour got cancelled as I am going to be out of town when they were to have rocked New York City. It’s selfish of me, I know, but it really works out better for me if Venom comes over here to kick everyone’s asses later this year (Not that Venom should be catering to me specifically, but hopefully you see my point). Supposedly they are rescheduling their North American tour for September and I will be front and center and shirtless then, just rocking my ass off with Cronos and the other awesome guys from Venom, who probably won’t be wearing shirts either. In the meantime, we can all get a nice dose of the magic and majesty that is Venom here here. If you are at work right now, listen to the audio link really loud and if anyone complains just quit. You shouldn’t be working with a bunch of pussies who aren’t down with Venom anyway.

Dave Hill