|The Dave Hill Explosion w/special guest Hal Sparks at UCB L.A. TONIGHT||
Hello. This is your man Dave Hill writing to let you know that TONIGHT, Thursday, March 30 at 8pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (located at 5919 Franklin Avenue in the land of dreams that is Hollywood. There is also a grocery just down the street if you need anything last minute.), I will be launching round two of my one-man attack on Los Angeles in the form of my critically-acclaimed and pretty f%$king sweet in general show the Dave Hill Explosion, which is totally going to include my special excellent guest Hal Sparks, whom TV lovers know from such programs as Queer As Folk, Talk Soup, and roughly 976 shows on the reputable VH1 network. I know- that was a really long sentence. Anyway, as many of you know, my show last week in Los Angeles was totally sold out, so now the pressure is on to do it all over again or my parents are just going to launch right back into that whole get-a-job thing they have been bringing up for the past 7 years or so. It is seriously annoying. Anyway, I have been out here in scenic Los Angeles for a week now and have been pretty much ruling this sh*t. I have a rental car and everything. F#@k. I have been having a pretty good time in general and- in between taking over the world of show business- I have been eating a lot and napping pretty much. The night before last I ate some Cuban food at two in the morning and I spent yesterday pretty much violently ill all day. I am viewing this, however, as an isolated incident and this will in no way affect my love for the people of Cuba and/or their delicious culinary offerings. I just might not go back to that one place I got the stuff the other night. But even then, I will probably just go back there anyway. I know, I know- I am blaming myself again. But let us focus on the show. It starts at 8pm and will also include the unstoppable Trev and the Rev (Seth Morris and Brian Huskey, who are total pros and also hilarious). If you do not come I will freak the hell out. This is my life, dammit! No, wait, that is too harsh. But it would be great if you came. Seriously. You can reserve tickets at here, you know, if you want.
I love you,
|I Am Totally On MySpace||
Oh yeah, I meant to mention this earlier, but I just wanted to let you know that I now totally have a page on the popular MySpace website. I am there for networking and boning. No, just kidding. But if you want to be MySpace friends with me, that would be so great. Just click here and we can totally make that sh*t happen. For those of you reading this who are already my MySpace friend, I just wanted to say that I think this is going really, really great. I mean, sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but for the most part, well, I don’t know…I guess I just wanted to say that I love you. A lot.
|Cuban Food 1, Dave 0||
It is day 7 of my Los Angeles invasion and I have spent most of it in a lot of pain due to my decision to finish some Cuban food (which I originally got for lunch yesterday) while watching TV at 2 a.m. The place I got it from is Versailles, which is what I understand to be a popular Cuban restaurant (with 3 locations spread around town) here in scenic Los Angeles. I had driven past the restaurant many times before and was determined to eat there during this visit as I really love Cuban food. Anyway, I finally made it there for lunch yesterday. I ate by myself at a table next to some guy who was probably a nice enough guy, but- because he insisted on wearing dark wraparound sunglasses in the not-very-bright-at-all restaurant- I couldn’t help but assume was a major douchebag. He was sitting at a table with three other people. I wondered why none of them were like “Dude, you look like a major douchebag with your sunglasses on. You are embarrassing us. Please remove your sunglasses immediately or we are totally sitting at another table without you. Oh, and one more thing- fuck you.” Then again maybe he had some weird eye condition that required him to wear sunglasses at all times, especially while eating Cuban food. But I doubt it. I’m going with douchebag on this one.
I ended up having Versailles’ “famous garlic chicken,” which is a fried half chicken covered in garlic sauce and onions. It comes with rice and beans and plantains on the side. I tore into it for a while and it was pretty delicious. I impressed myself, however, by eating only half of the food in front of me and asking for a to-go container. Usually I just stuff my face until all food in front of me is totally gone. This is how I maintain my trademark rounded features.
Anyway, I experienced little to no side effects after initially digging into to this massive pile of Cuban food. I went about my business the rest of the day with no major health problems to speak of. I ran some errands, went to what I understand to Little Japan or something to do some window shopping and bubble tea drinking, and then went to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre out here to host Harold Night and then watch some friends perform in their show the Human Giant. At no time during any of this was I doubled over in pain or rushing off to the bathroom for anything other than cosmetic reasons.
When I got home later that night I decided to finish off what was left of the Cuban food. It seemed like a really, really good idea. I even added more hot sauce than I had originally covered the food in at the restaurant. It was pretty delicious again and was the perfect companion to sitting their doing nothing at 2 o’clock in the morning.
At 8:30 this morning I was woken up by a phone call from someone on the East Coast who totally didn’t know I was sound asleep in Los Angeles apparently. That’s when the Cuban food made itself known to me in ways I would rather it had not. My chest started to burn, something I initially attributed to both second and firsthand smoke inhalation. Then while I was walking around the block talking on the phone, the Cuban food let it be known that it had plans for upsetting some of my other bodily functions. I finished my phone call and sprinted several blocks home for a moment of privacy. Most of my day since has been spent dealing with nastiness blasting out of both ends of my body. I’m just realizing how nasty this must sound and how you probably don’t want to read this. But I guess you’ve come this far, so why stop now? Anyway, my stomach is killing me and I think I need medical attention and/or a really good nap. It’s been raining like a mofo all day too, which is only aggravating things as not only has my ass been exploding all day but my hair looks like crap too. No justice, no peace.
I’m supposed to go have dinner with an old friend and a couple new ones in a little bit. I hope I can keep it together. When you haven’t seen someone in a few years, showing up and puking right away makes things really awkward and really tough to boune back from very easily.
Having just gone back and to reread all of the above, I am also realizing the Cuban food has robbed me of the ability of writing anything worthwhile whatsoever. Still, I thank you for reading this far. I guess I just had to get this out of my system (Get it? See how I pulled it all together in the end like that? Total pro.)
|A Cautionary Tale||
Here’s something else I stumbled upon at the Farmer’s Market here in Los Angeles. It’s a headshot signed by that adorable little firecracker Hallie Kate Eisenberg, whom you might remember from a series of Pepsi commercials from a few years ago. Apparently she thinks this Scott Bennett’s establishment where her photo hangs is the “bomb.” But whatever happened to little Hallie Kate? I’ll tell you what- she flew too close to the sun and she got burned. Dammit, this is a tough town.
|Adorable Faces of Pork||
Here is something I stumbled upon yesterday while grabbing a late lunch at the Farmer’s Market out here in scenic and sunny Los Angeles where- clearly- anything goes. As best I can tell, these are mounds of sausage (mild and spicy, I’m guessing) formed into the shape of smiling pig faces. I always love it when meat products directly reference the animal from which they came. This here is quite a triumph in that department.
I am about step out to buy some new nunchuks and then maybe eat some lunch or some such thing. I will report again soon- and more in depth- from my “anything goes (within reason)” week or so out here in Los Angeles, Home of the Stars.
|Dio And Me||
Here’s a nice photo of me and heavy metal god Ronnie James Dio after my show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles last night. Sold out show, fun times. And Ronnie rules so much it’s not even f*cking funny. Nicest guy ever too. I generally try to avoid using the devil horns hand gesture unless it’s absolutely necessary since people tend to wield it a little too freely in these times, but when you’re with the guy who invented it, it just feels so…right. And in case you’re wondering, the guitar reads “Dave Hill Rocks Magic- Ronnie James Dio.” There are times when my life is pretty excellent. Thank you, Mr. Dio. You are the man.
|New York Comic Con||
Here is the first installment in an exciting new segment I like to call “What’s Going On At The Javits Center?” I hope you enjoy it. And yes, that is me standing with Pete Scolari from the hit series “Bosom Buddies.” Also, it works best if you let it load all the way first.
|The Dave Hill Explosion w/Ronnie James Dio and Kyle Gass TOMORROW at UCB L.A. Holy Sh*t!||
This is your man Dave Hill writing to remind you one last time that this Thursday, March 23 at 8pm, I will be showing up at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (located at 5919 Franklin Avenue, roughly 3.3 miles from the popular Red Balls clothing and lifestyle accessories store) for the West Coast debut of a half-hour or so of full-on asskicking that I like to call the Dave Hill Explosion. It is going to be so great for like 500 different reasons. For example, I am going to talk, sing, dance, think, clap, read, stop, start, jump up and down, and just sort of generally entertain for a little while. So there is that. Then I will keep the excitement coming by bringing out my first guest of the evening, the inimitable Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. And then- just when you think things cannot get any more incredible- I am going to unleash a super secret surprise guest on everybody who just so happens to be heavy metal god Ronnie James Dio. Reread that last sentence if you have to. I will wait. Anyway, you should totally come. The awesome Trev and the Rev (Seth Morris and Brian Huskey) will also be tearing it up. The mayhem begins at 8pm sharp, so show up on time if you want to be a part of this evening of light and magic. And be sure to try the popcorn shrimp.* You seem really nice. Hope to see you Thursday. You can reserve tickets here. Okay, great.
I love you,
*There is no popcorn shrimp. That was a hilarious joke I just made up on the spot.
|The Dave Hill Explosion In Review- March 15th Edition||
Thanks to all the nice folks who come out for the Dave Hill Explosion this past Wednesday. It was a sold out show at the UCB Theatre and it was- as far as I can tell anyway- good times had by all. Some nice lady even gave me some delicious chocolate after the show. I have the feeling she may have brough it for Martha Wainwright and then gave it to me after Martha declined, but I could be wrong about that one. Anyway, it was delicious. Thank you mystery chocolate-giving lady. Also, thanks to the Apiary for these nice photos of my guests Martha Wainwright, Moby, and Little Michael Jackson (who is easily one of the best Latino dwarf Michael Jackson impersonators I have ever witnessed firsthand).