|Great Moments In American History||
As much as I hate 95% of everything, I stumbled upon this video of Hüsker Dü playing on the Joan Rivers Show in ’86 or ’87 and remembered that sometimes excellent things do happen in our culture. Bob and the guys played “Could You Be The One?” and then sat down with Joan for a delightfully awkward interview in which you can see Bob Mould wearing a lot of makeup for the cameras. I remember seeing this live when I was a youngster and thinking Joan Rivers had the coolest talk show ever for the simple fact that she had these guys on the show. Since then- and this is the namedroppy portion of this entry- I’ve met both Bob Mould and Joan Rivers on a few occasions and had the chance to tell both of them just how much this magical moment meant to me. I hope I didn’t creep them out too much. Anyway, watch this video now and share the magic with me. And then go out and buy all of Hüsker Dü’s records (and Sugar and Bob Mould records too, except for “Modulate,” which I’m still pissed off about) and improve your life in the process.
I had a chance to catch some of the magic at Fashion Week in Bryant Park last week. Here are some of the highlights/lowlights. I hope you enjoy it so much. Oh yeah, it’s best to let the whole video load first before viewing.
|A Keen Insight That Took Me 4 Years To Come Up With||
What is it with people who have really crappy taste in music and their need to listen to it really, really loud? When was the last time some douchebag in an SUV rolled up to a stoplight cranking really good music? Never. The douchebag in the SUV just got the new Nickelback record and wants everyone to know that he is totally rocking out and he might even take off his shirt later. Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest. There- I nailed it. I am so angry! Dammit.
|The Baby Jesus Potato||
You heard it here first: I am currently in possession of a potato that looks exactly like the baby Jesus. I imagine I will be going on a press junket to discuss and show off the baby Jesus potato in the very near future, but for now I can tell you that it is in fact a real potato and has not been altered in any way. The potato looks exactly like the baby Jesus swaddled in actual potato skin. I am not exactly sure why I have been chosen to be the recipient of the baby Jesus potato, but I am pretty excited about it and am ready to take on the many responsibilities that go along with being the caretaker of an actual potato that looks exactly like the baby Jesus. Please feel free to contact me here for inquiries and interviews and to also schedule a personal visit with the baby Jesus potato. However, you cannot touch, boil, fry, scallop, or do anything else to the baby Jesus potato other than look at it and marvel at it and then maybe leave a cash offering or something. Let’s just get that out of the way right now because if you bring it up in person when you visit the baby Jesus potato I will totally not be “having it.”
|The Laws Of Nature||
The other day I read a story about a hamster and a snake who- against all odds- have become close personal friends while living together in a cage at the world famous Tokyo zoo, which is in the heart of Japan. As the story goes, what happened was the people who worked at the zoo tried to feed the hamster, whom they named Gohan (which is Japanese for “meal”), to the snake last October and then- much to the surprise of the Japanese zoo-working people and also Gohan, the hilariously-named hamster- the snake decided to not eat the hamster as everyone thought would totally happen. Instead, the snake, who is named Aochan (I’m not sure what that means), just started hanging out and totally not eating the hamster, who pretty much just sat there with a look on his face that seemed to say “Holy sh*t! Holy f*cking sh*t!” Now they spend most of their time curled up together and giving the laws of nature the big F-you.
The more I think about the Japanese snake and his hilariously-named hamster friend, I can’t help but think of the time I was severely beaten by a couple of eighth graders when I was just six years-old and walking home from school one day. File under: Never saw it coming. It was the dead of winter and I was trudging the two hundred yards or so from my elementary school to my house when- next thing I know- two boys who were seven years older than me started dragging me around my neighbor’s front yard by the hood of my tan corduroy winter jacket through about a foot of snow with a thin layer of ice over eat, the kind that tends to stab into your neck if you happen to be dragged through it at that level, which I was. Next the two eighth grade giants repeatedly tossed me into a long row of bushes that divided my neighbors’ houses, the same bushes I had attempted to hurdle every day with mixed results throughout the entire previous summer. Worst of all, as the eighth graders repeatedly threw me face down into the frigid snow, I could see the snowman I had built just a few days earlier just standing there smiling his bullshit charcoal smile and letting the whole thing happen right before his bullshit charcoal eyes. F*ck you, Mr. Shivers.
Word of the beating spread pretty fast around the neighborhood and, eventually, around my entire elementary school, the principal’s office included. A few days later, I ran into my assailants and braced myself for the worst. Much to my surprise, however, they were all like “Hey, what’s up? We’re totally not going to kick your ass. Want to walk down the street with us and not die?” And once I got used to the idea of not having my ass beaten, I was thrilled with their non-violent attention. Until, of course, the day the two eighth graders invited me to play football with them and their friends. I thought it was really cool until they started passing the ball to me over and over again when I wasn’t even on their team. I knew our peaceful coexistence couldn’t last. And I’m still picking the grass from my teeth.
Getting back to the hamster and snake buddy duo, I suppose I can’t help but fear the worst. Just as eighth graders with a penchant for beating the crap out of six year-olds tend to stay that way at least until graduation, it would seem that even really friendly snakes eventually get back to being regular snakes, the kind that eat rodents that take naps next to their head. And for the hilariously-named hamster, that is totally going to f*cking suck.
|Podcasting In My Spare Time||
Given my penchant for being futuristic and all that, I recently decided to sit down and record my very own podcast. I’ve never actually listened to a podcast before, so I pretty much just have to go with my gut on this one and assume that my podcast is pretty f*cking sweet. Anyway, if you find yourself with at least twelve minutes to spare (and if you are reading this right now, I know you do), I encourage you to listen to my exciting new podcast by clicking here (or anywhere the word podcast appears in this entry). I hope you like it. Please feel free to share with others and also write in with harsh criticism and/or extreme praise. Or something like that way. You seem really nice.
|Club Monaco Mannequin Gets Wood||
I was walking down Broadway in SoHo this morning and happened upon this rather excited mannequin in the Club Monaco window. Looks like someone really likes casual dress slacks…a little too much. Still, he’s got sass and I like that.