|Taking Over The West Coast||
I am in scenic Los Angeles as I type this. At the moment I’m in my room at a hotel in West Hollywood which, for some reason, has filled me with an overwhelming urge to sit naked on all the furniture. Then again, I feel that way pretty much anywhere I’m left alone for an extended period of time. More often than not, however, hanging out in my boxers is about as bad as it ever gets with me. That’s just how I live my life.
Last night I went to see Trainwreck, my close personal friend Kyle Gass from Tenacious D’s other band (This is the namedropping portion of this entry), at the Viper Room. It was the last night of their month-long residency at the club and the place was packed.
Trainwreck were awesome and rocked balls for about 45 minutes before coming back out on stage for an encore. The first song of their encore was “The Rocker” by Thin Lizzy, before which Kyle gave me what is known in the industry as a “shout out from the stage” because- as mentioned earlier- we are close personal friends. Since I had earplugs in and was slightly liquored up, I couldn’t hear everything he was saying though. Apparently neither could the people I was sitting with because they swore that Kyle had asked me to come up on stage and play guitar with the band. I didn’t hear him say this but- being half in the bag and jetlagged and all- I took their word for it and climbed on stage to play “The Rocker” and a couple other covers with the band. It was good times. I felt a little silly after the show, however, when I found out that I was right about Kyle not calling me up on the stage. Fortunately, Kyle and the rest of the band seemed to appreciate my joie de vivre and just figured I was wasted and couldn’t fight off the impulse to rock. That’s just how it goes with us rockers sometimes.
On a technical/guitar geek note, for my accidental guest appearance with Trainwreck last night, I played Kyle’s custom Tenacious D SG, which was pretty badass and is apparently an SG from Gibson’s Gothic series that some friends of his customized for him. It says Tenacious D instead of Gibson and KG instead of SG on the headstock, but I was too busy rocking out to notice any of this at the time. Kyle filled me in on this detail later.
Shortly, I will put some pants on and hit the town for more West Coast mayhem. I think I’m supposed to get dinner or something. As you may have noticed from this entry, I am pretty brain dead from lack of sleep, etc. already, but I will be back with another spine-tingling report from the West Coast soon. In the meantime, deal with the suspense as best you can.
|Black Metal In The Arts||
I am going to scenic Los Angeles tomorrow for a couple days just so I can kick some ass on the West Coast for a change. While I am there, I am hoping to check out this art gallery’s showing of Norwegian black metal pictures taken by Peter Beste, a photographer who as far as I know is totally not related to the guy whose entire life was ruined by getting kicked out of the Beatles. Their names are spelled different anyway. Anyway, the show looks pretty incredible whether you’re into Norwegian black metal or not (but why wouldn’t you be?). I’ll let you know what happens. Maybe they will be selling posters and then I can take down all the Monet posters hanging in my dorm room. I am totally leaving up that one poster of the guy kissing the girl in France though and there is not a damn thing anybody can say about it.
|My Upstairs Neighbor Is Cranking Norah Jones And I Wish Him Dead||
It’s nothing personal, Norah. I would still totally bone you.
|The Dave Hill Explosion- Thurs. Nov. 3 at UCB Theatre. You should totally come.||
I just wanted to let you know that on Thurs. Nov. 3 at 9:30pm, I will be bringing my brand new award-winning nightclub act to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (located at 307 West 26th Street right here in town). The show is called The Dave Hill Explosion and critics are already calling it the most incredible thing that has ever happened in North America. I am pretty excited about it (though admittedly I have been throwing up a lot lately too). Anyway, if you would like to see me talk, sing, read, dance, show a short film or two, and just sort of touch hearts in general for up to but no longer than 35 minutes straight, then you will you not believe what I have cooked up for you on Nov. 3. I am even going to have a super secret surprise guest (Rufus Wainwright) on the show who is so amazing the UCB folks should probably think about performing cavity searches on everyone at the door. As mentioned earlier, the excitement starts at 9:30pm when Julie Klausner and Sue Galloway come out and perform their excellent Free To Be Friends show. Then when they are finished, I will come out and start changing lives. That sh*t will go down at approximately 10pm. I really hope you can make it. That would be so great.
Okay, here is something fun and interactive for the whole family! Assuming anyone actually reads this page, I have a couple questions I would like to offer up for heated and at times even raging debate. Please weigh in on the following in the comments section below if you have time (and, really, if you’re reading this page, you probably do have the time. I mean, let’s be honest. Am I right?). Okay, so here goes:
If you discovered a shriveled up (and most likely repeatedly tumble-dried) condom (that was definitely, definitely without question not yours) in a laundromat dryer as you were unloading your clothes from it, would you re-wash the entire load of laundry or would you be all like “Ah, screw it!”?
Okay, so that’s the first question. Now on to the second. The other day at the post office, I stood in line behind a guy with a Jagermeister tattoo. My question: If someone has a Jagermeister tattoo, does that automatically mean that that person is a douchebag?
Anyway, I haven’t slept in like three days wondering about both of these things, so if you could offer your opinion on these matters that would be so great.
Okay then, that’s all I got for now. Great, okay, thanks. Bye.
|Hell’s Kitchen Getaway||
I am apartment sitting for a few days at my sister’s apartment in scenic Hell’s Kitchen while she is away doing something in what I believe to be Canada. I guess calling it apartment sitting is kind of stretch as there aren’t any animals or plants here that need tending to or really anything else that might require sitting of any sort in my sister’s absence. Also, “apartment sitting” sort of implies that the person to whom the apartment belongs knows that there is someone staying there while they are away. Without really talking about it with my sister at any point, I just kind of showed up here a few days ago and got the key from the guy at the front desk, who- like most people- just can’t say no to my boyish good looks and way with a knowing glance. I’m pretty sure my sister won’t mind though. I do plan on airing the place out for a bit before she gets back. Then again, last time I tried that while “apartment sitting” for a friend, I ended up dropping an air conditioner out the window and sending it crashing to the ground four stories below. Oops. Life is funny sometimes. And I still owe that friend a new air conditioner. Here’s to fall (and sweater weather).
The next block over from my sister’s apartment is a bakery or bread factory of some sort. As a result, my sister’s apartment tends to smell like fresh-baked bread and/or burnt toast pretty much 24 hours a day. It is a smell that is at once charming and annoying, reminding me both of simpler times I’m too young to remember and also why I’m not allowed to make my own toast anymore. Sometimes I feel like lighting some incense to combat the festival of smells coming from the bread factory, but then that presents a whole other set of charming/annoying attachments, like the fact that I somehow recently ended up on some group mailing list through which friends of friends have been circulating photos from Burning Man, some sort of outdoor festival I have never attended and- if everything goes as planned- never will. None of the pictures even include any naked people. To use the language of the Internet types, WTF? It’s all pretty confusing when it gets right down to it.
In other news, this past Saturday the new rock band that I play guitar in, Heather played our third Saturday show in our month-long October residency at Arlene’s Grocery. It was really crowded and I think I finally got the hair right, so I’m pretty excited about that. Nothing much else to report other than the fact that we totally rocked ass and hearts were touched in general. If you find yourself in scenic New York City either this Saturday or the next, you should come check that shit out. I also encourage you to come see my unstoppable rock band Valley Lodge as we rock balls at Sin-e on November 2. It should be pretty incredible. Brace yourself. And be sure to tell all the kids. Life is short- rock often, mofo. What are you running from?
|Now That’s Good Coffee||
I’ve just returned from grabbing a cup of coffee (large, milk, one sugar) from the coffee stand on the corner of my block. On my way to the coffee stand, I noticed an attractive young woman flashing her boobs at some people standing outside the hospital across the street from my apartment. She was wearing a bra (pink), but I still have to say that having a fresh cup of coffee to say and seeing an attractive young woman flash her boobs (braless or otherwise) first thing in the morning is a pretty magical way to start the day.
Things got ugly on the way back to my apartment when I discovered the attractive young boob-flashing woman still standing outside the hospital, only this time she was screaming at the top of her lungs while two hospital employees attempted to get her back inside. I’m not sure what the problem was. If they were treating her for a boob-flashing condition, then I am certain this is a world I no longer wish to live in. My sense, however, is that there was something else wrong with this woman and the boob-flashing just happens to be me one of the more pleasant side effects of her condition. Anyway, I hope things work out for her in the end. She’s already touched my life in a wonderful way and she probably doesn’t even know it.
In other news, it has been raining here in New York for the past six days and I can’t stop talking or even thinking about it. I’ve had to change my pants every time I come back to my apartment only this time it’s for a totally different reason than usual. That’s right- I’m talking about the rain. See what I mean? I just can’t stop talking about it. Even when I got my coffee from the guy at the coffee stand a few minutes ago, I couldn’t help but give him a look that said “How ’bout this rain! Can you believe it? It has been raining like this for six days! It won’t stop! I can’t stop talking or thinking about it, just as my look suggests!” As he handed me my coffee, he shot me a look back that seemed to say “Tell me about it, a-hole, tell me about it. Now please step away from my coffee cart immediately, sir. It’s time to go. You seem really nice and all, but, really, we don’t want a repeat of what happened last time.”
|Back In Black||
I haven’t mentioned black metal in a few days, so I figured it’s time I get my priorities straight once again. Here is something pretty incredible that I strongly encourage you to check out. It’s Cronos, lead singer for Venom (who coined the term black metal in the first place. Dammit.), talking to the crowd between songs at a Venom/Black Flag double bill in New Jersey in 1986. Shame on me for not knowing about this already since I’m pretty much the king of black metal and all that. Anyway, you can read the full story and listen to Cronos here.
|Beast vs. Beast||
Exciting news from the animal kingdom came in the other day after a 13-foot Burmese python in Florida tried to eat an entire live, 6-foot alligator and exploded in the process (Seriously. See photo above). As is often the case when something totally crazy happens, both the media and just people in general have been quick to make use of popular catchphrases when addressing the incident. Some have said the python’s “eyes were bigger than his stomach.” Others have noted that he “bit off more than he could chew.” Still others have suggested that the python probably thought it “seemed like a good idea at the time.”
The real lesson to be learned here, however, is that never, ever, under any circumstances- no matter how tempting it is- should you try to eat an entire live, 6-foot alligator all at once, not even if you are a 13-foot Burmese python and really, really hungry. It is just totally not a good idea.